Nobody to do nothing with

I know exactly what Maw means. I'm sorry but I went a bit off piste in my posts and talked too much about what I was doing to get out and about and do things and meet people. It's the coming home bit when there is no-one there to pour you that welcoming drink, to sit and watch Eggheads with or chit-chat about the day. No-one to just sit quietly with perhaps reading or doing the crossword, or listen to music. I am not lonely at home but alone. I do have two cats but they can't talk back yet! Missing that human presence in the house. I wouldn't get that with a friend because DH and that special relationship was a one-off and irreplaceable. I don't want anyone else. The radio, tv and books are a godsend, as is GN. They all help but yet.......

I know exactly what you mean Mawbroonsback. My husband has been out all morning and I’ve got things ‘done’. He’s now back, told me what he’s been doing and we’re now both sitting in the living room, I’m on my phone, typing this and he’s got his eyes closed, not asleep, relaxing. Point about this is we’re here together doing nothing and I love it. I’ve tried many times to imagine what I’d feel like if he wasn’t here anymore and I can’t imagine how it feels, obviously. Don’t think I would be able to go to the cinema or theatre on my own though, although I suppose ‘needs must’ otherwise I’d miss out on an outing I love so I think you’re very brave doing that. The thing is I don’t suppose any of us know how brave we could be when alone.

Hi I am interested in a chat or an outing to the seaside or a game of scrabble or just a coffee? PE2 5RU.

So get you on this. And well done to the person who found that weekends and weekdays can be reversed. It’s so true. And I loved Red Joan. Saw it last week and recommend it. It so captured the gap perceived by others of aging compared to the person experiencing it.

I don't work for Yours magazine so this is not a publicity piece for them but they have a Find A Friend column which I have used. Through this I found another lady of similar age to myself with whom I regularly go to the cinema. It would be good if Gransnet could organise something similar where Gransnetters in the same area could advertise for others who would like to join them for coffee, a chat, a cinema/theatre trip, meals out or even holidays together. BTW through Gransnet I did find a Facebook friend with whom I play online Words With Friends.

I absolutely understand. It’s not about friends or family, or clubs or activities, it’s about that comfortable feeling of being in the same house, pottering, doing the crossword and calling “what’s a seven letter word meaning ‘due process, ends in an e’?” Making each other cups of tea, reading snippets from the newspaper....It’s hearing the key in the lock and knowing someone you love is coming home. Eating an ice cream on the beach and not saying a word.
I had a fairly miserable end to my marriage, and I’d rather be alone than than lonely within a relationship, but I do envy friends who have that comfortable relationship with their partners, and I’m so glad my three daughters have that too. You were blessed with your husband, and you must miss him terribly, and I know memories are scant compensation, and I can’t really offer any words of comfort, except to say you sound a really nice person.

Pamaga ,what a good idea. It looks as if there is a real need for people to be helped to meet,see each other.
The over 60's group in our little rural village,stopped last week after fifty years. Even though about thirty people attended,nobody wanted to run it. There is little else round here. The waiting list here is too long to put any more names on for U3A. I was told. DN20 9BD

Maybe if people who would like some company sometimes put a rough location in their text, other people in the same situation may like to meet up, I know I would be happy to do that. I am between Worthing and Littlehampton on the south coast, I have a car so can travel within reason, any takers?

Sorry but don’t we already arrange meet ups with people in our local area?

It's been comforting to read through all these posts and know there are so many others out there who understand. I've been widowed for two and a half years now. Right from the start I made myself keep going out and doing things, and took up new activities. I've been on several solo group holidays, and spend a lot of time keeping in touch with my family. I'm pretty sociable and like being with other people, but also I enjoy gardening and music on my own, and cook proper meals for myself.

The "doing nothing" times are still hard, especially weekends. Just the sheer physical presence of someone else bumbling around in the house, or sitting opposite me doing his Sudoku puzzle, is something I still miss. And the spontaneous "Let's walk down to the river" or "Why don't we have a pub lunch and then call in at the garden centre?" Really simple, mundane things. That's what I miss most. And those odd conversations when you say things like, "Did you phone that guy about, you know, the wotsit?" "No but I spoke to the other guy..." "What, the one with the hair?" " Yeah and he'll do it after the other thing". And so on.

But it's slowly getting easier. I no longer fear or hate coming home to an empty house, and I don't find the silence quite so all-engulfing as it used to be. I have bought an electric blanket so I am less reluctant to go to bed on my own. I have trained my phone to greet me and tell me about the weather and the events of the day each morning. It's a poor substitute for a real companion, but we have to find any little ways we can to lessen the loneliness. And now I'm off to bed - the blanket's on so it'll be really cosy! Goodnight, all!

Dear Maw, I wonder if there is any mileage in arranging an open coffee morning for people in a similar position in your area? All sorts of spin-offs could result from people getting together. If the first meeting was in a neutral place like a coffee shop or cafe (with management approval), then people would be keeping themselves safe but being open to the possibility of meeting new friends. It could just be trying an idea out, not a long term commitment.

Next month I will have been widowed for three whole years, don't ask me where the time has gone or what I've done in that time. I miss having someone to do nothing with too. Being handed a coffee would be nice

I used to go to the cinema alone quite happily when Steve didn't like the sound of the film, and continued to go alone a few times after he'd passed.

Recently I thought it might be nice to have some company and asked a few acquaintances if they'd like to go to the cinema with me, and I got the tickets. First time one of them cancelled at the last minute so I had to get her ticket refunded. A few weeks later, the second time, it was just one other person. I was left standing outside in the cold like a lemon and my friend didn't come. I felt terribly upset, as though I'd been stood up! I had to go in as the film was about to start and the friend turned up just in time - she'd fallen asleep.

Twice bitten and all that, I'm not arranging any other cinema nights with people, I'm back to going alone!

Mosaicwarts, similar thing happened to me, twenty years ago when I was newly alone. I asked two women friends whom I had met at a social thing I used to go to, if they'd like to share a particular west coast seaside cottage for a week. I mentioned all the details and they agreed. I had a feeling at the time that they were too casual about their agreement. I booked the cottage, and then told them it was all arranged. They said "oh sorry, but we are going to Robin Hoods Bay".

I'd not entirely give up, Mosaicwarts. The lesson I learned was to avoid couples when I was trying to make a friend. Lone people are more interesting anyway.

I booked apartments just outside Benidorm and bought the flights and when I told her we were sorted she said Well I didn’t really promise to come And she didn’t. She just agreed This was a friend of long standing donor I do not arrange for anyone. They come on their own steam

Blueskyl
Hello, l tried to contact you thru' gransnet but was told there was no such name !
Anyway, I'm ok to meet up now, if you would like to' Let me know what you would like to do, just one thing, l live near Haywards Heath which is some way from your area. Is this too far.

I’ve said it before, several times, and I’ll say it again. Why o why don’t people give at least a hint of where they live which makes for a possible meeting. There are a lot of people living on their own who are also lonely. I do have a hubbie - his hobby building classic motorbikes keeps him in the house - I like to go out and meet up with friends, so am always open to meeting new people. SK6 is where I live.

SK6 is only a matter of a few miles from me in SK12 and I know a few others in the vicinity. I often pass through Cheadle/Cheadle Hulme. Happy to meet up with new friends.

Pamanga

I heartily agree that it would be a good idea if there was a list( perhaps) of first part postcodes, these could be consulted by a gransnetter to see if there was someone near to them whom they could contact and perhaps meet for a cup of Tea or coffee ,! Whatever!

Anyone near PE37?

I agree wholeheartedly with tanith this is why we have meet ups.

I have been meeting up with 3-4 other GNs for 4 years now monthly, meeting locally for coffee.. I am assuming this is what you ladies want? Organise it!

I am in the process of helping to organise a meetup with a different group of GNs- it can be done if somebody puts some effort into it.

Well, I'm getting back to maw's point.

Dh has gone away for 2 nights. Up to now we have had one (quite long!!) WhatsApp conversation and one phone call. He only went at 1pm. I worry how one of us will cope when one of us is left alone.

((((Hugs)))) maw.

I have mornings when I get up , go to the shop for the paper , today wasn't one of those days , DS2 called in , made me a cuppa , and that is the only person i have spoken to all day . DD1 is away and I have no idea why i can't face going outside , not even to the bin . None of my Kids have any idea . However Tomorrow could be different

I do meet up regularly with one Gn member, for morning coffee. This area of North Cheshire and South Manchester has an enormous range of possible venues. Garden centres are good for car parking.

Aw, aggie, that's sad.

I gathered myself and went round the garden I am ok really , it is just trying to get myself going ,