Nobody to do nothing with

Maw. I have been in your position now for just over 10 years.,Since then I have built up a new life by joining 2 U3A groups and meeting new people . I also meet up with other friends for coffee/lunch ,cinema sometimes and have done some volunteering ?That helps to fill the week BUT I still miss someone to go on holiday with, out for an evening meal with or just for a ride into the countryside . Everything has to be planned with friends -or my DD ,SIL and two DGCs when they are not at work ,or too busy ( not ) often). Nothing is spontaneous. I also miss having someone to talk to at home -although my late DH was very deaf!
By going to the cinema alone I guess you will see others alone. I was surprised how many. It took me a while to do that,so you are brave. Hopefully you will gradually do more and more and probably meet some new friends. I have even made a couple of local friends at the bus stop!
The no-one to do nothing with is still true in many ways, especially at the weekends and in the evenings.

Yep , MawB completely understand where you're coming from , my DH died/ passed away (I can't use the word lost as it makes me sound careless and I'd go and look for him) 18 months ago, very unexpectedly and suddenly , I like you have friends etc, the way I try to explain to those who are actually interested is I don't feel lonely but alone and I firmly believe they're two very different feelings /emotions

Maw Do you know about Way Up? It is an organisation with set up just for widows and widowers. Each area arranges different events like meals out, cinema visits etc. My main local event is a monthly lunch in a pub. It is not in the least sad. People do not get maudlin talking about their late partners but it is a fun time. However, everyone is aware that everyone is missing someone special. It is free to join on - line at forum.way-up.co.uk This is the group for over 50s. It might be worth giving it a try. I am sure you would find someone to accompany you on trips to cinema etc.

Goodness what a response. I have met a lady on here who lives in Nottinghamshire we met for lunch last week. As far as l'm aware there isn't a local Nottinghamshire group. All these lonely ladies who would just love a good friend. I have been on my own for 11 years. I have tried church U3a joining various groups trying to make new friends. My problem is that l have depression and anxiety and l sometimes feel like am better off staying at home rather than making the effort to go out. Weekends and bank holidays are worse. Monday to Friday l can just about manage. I just don't know what the answer is. I enjoy being on my own alot of the time l don't want to marry again or live with someone.

Zsarina you sound like you are doing well. You are five years ahead of me. Gawd knows what I'm going to be like when I'm 83. Old rocking chair will have got me I reckon.

I am nearing 83. Of sound mind and a failing body. I would be open to someone who is easy going and likes a laugh to visit me and stay at the apartment I have booked First 2 weeks of June....female of course

I know exactly what Maw means. My DH is still very much here, and we spend some time doing different things, as well as together. But I know how much I would miss him just being there, or knowing that, when he is out, he is coming back. We were laughing at something silly the other day, anyone else would have thought we we were daft, but that's the kind of thing I try to cherish, in case it's suddenly not there. I hope you can find some comfort in your memories, Maw.

If I had know that my dds could not come to Benidorm I would have booked a good hotel.....it would have been so much cheaper. And company to boot

That was to Gonegirl

That means knacked not knocked

Ha ha. Just my sentiments exactly. But don’t know why I am knocked. Cos I don’t do anything

I understand exactly where Maw is coming from. It's losing that person who understood you completely and accepted you for what you were. I could be busier than I am, but I like my time by myself, in my own home/garden.
Someone suggested to me that I get a lodger, but I don't want anyone else in the house!
I wonder how many times U3A has been suggested on this site! Tried that and it is excellent but so expensive in my area.

My postcode is M27 5PQ. And would like to have any type of phone pals. Message me if you want to talk. ...Jean

Ooh, it looks very good. I will wait for the vid.

Am I the only one who hasn't got a clue what or who this Red Joan is?

Friends I had in my working days eventually, like myself, went separate ways. I have never been able to recapture since retirement the closeness we had for one another with anyone else although the offer for friendship has always been around. Moving many miles from our original home no doubt has had something to do with.

Thank you for your post Maw very well put. When I was first separated/divorced one 'friend' told me that her husband had told her not to associate with me, so I didn't see her again. Moreover couples don't invite singles, it might be contagious.
Hope you enjoyed Red Joan, although I did feel Albert intruded.

Jackthelad,

Why not put your postcode on here too - if Gransnet permit of course, I know exactly how you feel, it's true gentle companionship you seek
..
Without strings!

Maw, I understand exactly what you mean. I’m in my 3rd year of widowhood, I am involved in lots of different things, have friends and have more crafts to work in and books to read than I’m ever likely to be able to use! DH and I had different interests and didn’t go out together very often but we were always at home in the evenings and at mealtimes and that is when I really miss him. No-one to laugh with when watching tv etc (and no-one to grumble at when he wants football on)!

I totally empathise with the desire to have someone to do nothing with - and also someone you don’t have to tidy up or dress up to visit or be visited by!
I just had a look at the ‘ local’ pages - there are no entries for a year or more in any of the pages within 50 miles of me and I think MawBroonsback is within that radius.
I have to admit that I am involved in my local U3A and work one day a week as well as bringing wirk home, so on the whole I don’t have much time/energy for much else, especially as I cannot drive at night, but I would like to meet a different face sometimes. Getting comfortable enough to do nothing with someone takes a bit longer and needs the right two people. Also it would not be wise to lay ourselves open to strangers, but we could all start by writing on our local pages?

My comment should have been to MawBroonsback. Apologies.

CrazyH. Stand proud. Make him wish he was still with you and don't let them make you hide. My husband is on is third wife and both of them still aren't happy. I see them at some family occasions and I refuse to feel inferior.

Hello Maw,
As another gransnetter posted, where do you live
Like you, and some others, l'd love to form a friendship with someone with whom one could just pick up the phone, and make a quick arrangement time without having to do all the running
I have many 'friends' in the village and know many people. Tho' l do know one particular lovely woman, and we are growing a lovely genuine friendship. She's very spiritual and absolutely lovely. I'm determined not to push this friendship - and better yet, she counts me her friend. I don't make friends easily. Whether l'm too picky I'm really not sure. I did have another Lovely friend but she died from cancer , and that was like having an an arm cut off.
My darling husband l adore, but he really just wants to watch TV. He has Altsheimers- tho,' I pray its like his Mother's type, slow moving - I give him a cocktail of vitamins which I'm sure are helping him... fingers crossed.
Like the another gransnetter asked, why not put your postcode on this page. I did suggest to someone else last week that she might do this. Point being that if others, who feel as you do and would welcome the opportunity to meet up, in your area, someone whom they can relate to, you could possibly meet someone like yourself or a complete opposite, ....give it a go! See what happens .... If you live near me I'll happily meet you.
After all, this is what Gransnet is all about

I have no personal experience but I have a friend who has been a widow for ten years. She said exactly the same as you Maw. She has a very full social life but says she would like someone to do nothing with, ie chatting about a programme on TV etc.

Jackthelad, the ladies you are referring to, are probably scared of a 'friendship' with a man. It's not just you. You sound a perfect gentleman. I do hope you soon find the companionship you are looking for.