Argument with DD’s neighbour

Oh boy Gilly, the more I read , the more I pray I don't become like that in old age!!

gilly, for your daughter's sake I think , armed with your knowledge about the bay, I'd write a nice little note (nice might be hard, but I'd do it with gritted teeth) to the aggressive neighbours and point out nicely that you have discovered from the management company that the bay is not theirs, and say the fracas was unnecessary, but you're sorry it happened. I'd also mention you are helping your daughter and are likely to be there again. You could finish on a light note and say you hope this has cleared up any hard feelings and you wish them well. (Yes, with steam coming out of your ears and teeth gritted so hard they might break! )

It might help make your daughter feel a bit more secure too, knowing you have placated the nasty neighbours.

I'd also, in writing, let the management company know your daughter (with a baby) could do with that access to her house. I hope when the empty place is occupied, or even beforehand, a swap can be arranged.

Their back gardens are at right angles to my DD's Lily65 with another house and a short path in between them (thankfully) . My DD hardly ever uses the back gate as it opens into the car park and its hard to manoeuvre the pram through. They are in a completely different street to my DD which is why we didn't argue about the space not being theirs yesterday, we had no idea of their house number. The space has been unused for a long time which is why DD thought there would be no problems using it for such a short time.

Well done on getting clarification from the management company. Next step is to park there when you are visiting and see what happens. If they come out threatening you call the police and report them (threatening behaviour is a crime). See how long they keep it up then! F*cking idiots!!

If she doesn't need to see hem ,that puts a different slant on things. I had visions of them being very close by and potentially being awful.

So they are policing a bay that isn't theirs? Wow! Get a life.

Thank you Buffybee.

There is no way I would apologise to these nasty idiots ! My DD has lived there for almost 11 years and has hardly ever come across them (to be fair he has only just come on the scene) so I'm pretty sure after her garden is finished she will not need to see them for the rest of forever . The bay will probably stay empty and they (sad individuals that they are) can police it until their hearts are content.

The man at the management company gave me his name and suggested we pass it on to the people. He said he will happily put them right about the legalities of the bays. They won't ring because they must know that the bay is not theirs.
DD has done as the MC suggested and popped a note through the door of the actual owners of the bay (even though the property is currently empty and the bay has been unused for many months, which is why we assumed it would be okay to use it for 20-30 minutes yesterday ) saying that she may need access to her property via the parking bay over the next few weeks for temporary loading/unloading only and inviting them to swap bays with hers if they so wish. No correspondence and certainly no apology/chocolates or flowers etc. to the others who have no rights to the bay whatsoever and were basically minding my DD's business when they should have been minding their own.

To everyone still advising gillybob to apologise to the nasty people, can you read her last two posts.
She has contacted the Management Company and the parking space does not even belong to these neighbours but in actual fact,
belongs to the tenants of another flat, which is at the moment uninhabited.

We have that now retired Labour MP two Jags Prescott to thank for insufficient parking on modern housing estates.

One day an emergency vehicle will rip off the wings of the cars habitually parked half on the footpaths near our street junctions.

But I digress.

Tight parking causes residents to become very protective of their parking spaces and it is always better to ask first.

It is the courteous thing to do after all.

Better to avoid all arguments with a neighbour.

We had very difficult neighbours at one point. Fortunately our gardens are pretty private and we had little day to day contact. Any complaints they had were petty and frankly ridiculous. Within a week of us moving in the wife informed me of all the problems theyd had with the previous occupants, plus other nearby residents. All ludicrous sounding. And all our neighbours are lovely. When I painted the fenceposts between the gardens, she complained that I had splashed some paint on her grass, a long way down the garden from the houses. When we had some minor work done in our house, the workman propped a glass panel briefly against the side of our house on our ground. She immediately demanded it was removed in case it fell and damaged her car several feet away. We didn't do extensive work on our house and garden till they, thankfully, moved. Our current neighbours are lovely and understand that if we live on modern estates we have to appreciate we will sometimes have to rely on others cooperation and understanding. The problem for us would also have been access because they were so unreasonable. We tolerated them. Unfortunately there is no reasoning with these type of people. The best you can do is minimise the causes they will have to complain about and ignore when they are being unreasonable. Do they work? If so can you revolve deliveries etc. around when they are out?

Please do try apologising. If your apology is not accepted then at least you have tried. Whether you like it or not, you were in the wrong in not ringing their doorbell and not asking if you could unload there.

If they abuse you again and make threats like the one you mentioned, report them to the police. Threatening people is in itself a crime.

Please, do try to get onto the right foot with your daughter's neighbours for her sake.

Actually, if I were her, I would go and explain that my parents are silly old geeks, who never bother to ask before doing as they like. This may not be true, but I used it quite successfully on one or two occasions when my parents annoyed my neighbours.

Oh wow Jaycee, I’m glad I don’t live next to you.

Or perhaps I did.........

I am sorry you were upset by the incident Gillybob, perhaps it would have been courteous to have informed them before using the space for what you wanted. However events have moved on, I do hope your DD will not get any harassment from those dreadful people.

Horrible, horrible experience for you and DH BUT it's your quiet, shy DD who has to live there. So... deep breaths and go round to neighbour tomorrow and apologise for disagreement and for not having asked if you could park there whilst unloading. Then ask if it would be OK to park there when clearing away all the rubbish.

It sounds territorial. I had a neighbour who thought the road in front of his flat was his. He would drive into the back of anyone who was even barely in front of him. People were always either calling the police or threatening him. He said that he didn't care about his own car because it was a company car but they shouldn't stop there.
I was really fed up of having to warn people who parked in front of my house to be careful that they didn't overlap the front of his house, then I got building work and the builders put a skip in front of his house. He was apoplectic and I just laughed at him because I had had years of his behaviour. They shouldn't have done it because the permit was for the front of my house but it was only going to be for a couple of days so I just shrugged when he moaned. He moved eventually.
It is different of course if people have bays but I think sometimes you just have to make sure that you do move as soon as possible but just try to ignore it otherwise. Don't try to argue or explain, just say 'won't be long' and carry on.
I have a relative like them. There is a patch of gravel near her house where people park. They don't have a car but she gets very upset if she sees the gravel upset which means that someone has used their bit.
I don't think people should do it as a regular thing but you are not doing that and life has to have some give and take. If there is no other way that the work can be done, then grit your teeth and deal with it. They aren't going to be good neighbours so hopefully your daughter can accept that and just ignore them.

It isn’t their bay but you thought it was when you just decided you would park there because that was what you wanted to do.

I truly can’t see why you would think it was your right to do that.

Gillybob, so glad you contacted the council/ housing association, and got the facts. Could you get them to put it in writing, so that if your DD is confronted in the future, she will have concrete evidence to put before them.
Also a good idea from GrannieAnnie2010, re swopping places.
Have a good day in that place

I have an access to my drive over a grass verge, I paid for this. New neighbour moved in park her car on the left of my access. Large car with rear blacked out windows. Gentleman friend has a large work truck he parks right of my drive in. I live on a narrow road which leads to a farm. What a job I have to get off my drive as I can see neither left or right as my car is small.

What is worse, boyfriend comes and they leave both cars either side if my drive and go away on holiday for two weeks taking a taxi to the Airport. So I sympathise with car parking issues.

You also say he is not there permanently....at least not officially
Keep careful note of when he is there. What time he leaves and returns...dates etc.
If he is in fact more there (overnight) than anywhere else she is probably claiming singe adult tenancy and paying a reduced council tax. Once you have details of his movements drop a line to the council and she will get a nasty surprise.

It's easy in hingsight, but why did you not tell the man that you would ring the police for him. After all he did threaten you with physical violence.

you were in the wrong: it is their space

But the facts now prove that we were not in the wrong in any way shape or form Leyla (see my post of this morning) and the bay is not even theirs to shout about !

You could drop a note in telling them the bay is not their allocated bay and suggest they contact the management if they want this confirmed or now you know you have a legal right to park there carry on and do what is needed ignoring them

I think they rather overreacted but to be fair, you were in the wrong: it is their space and you should have asked, or, as you hadn’t realised, immediately apologised profusely. Instead you sound as if you just said 'well we are going to have to use it as we have no alternative' as opposed 'could we possibly, would you mind if....thank you so much'

gillybob

I am so glad that you have now at least got enough 'ammunition' to stand your ground against these awful people.

I know exactly how awful you must feel about what happened yesterday. I would have felt exactly the same.

I also understand exactly how your daughter still feels, as I would have felt exactly like her too, when I was younger. In fact I probably still would in her position

Apart from trying to distance your daughter from this by making sure that she isn't witness to, or in sight during, any future showdown with these people, it's hard to know what you can do.

Now that she is home more, can she try to get to know her other neighbours a little more - if only by walking baby in the buggy and making a point of saying a friendly hello to anyone who might be out there gardening or washing their cars?
Simple things like that can lead to longer conversations, and she may well find out over time that the neighbour already has a 'history'.

Discovering that she is not alone might just help her to cope with this situation.
A problem shared, as they say ...

Glad that you had a good result from your call with the management company gilly.Good to know right is on your side and hope you all feel better today.