Feeling a bit used

Well by 9 & 6 it ought to be getting easier as they are, hopefully, older and more sensible.

Can I ask what the ‘hard time’ was as this has clearly brought matters to a head?

We don’t have the stamina that we used to have, that’s the problem
Let your DD know how you feel, that you are willing and wanting to help, but that it’s often a struggle.
Do the boys fight/argue?

Sussemac- so am I, used, I mean. Looked after my daughter's 2 , since they were born...they are now 16 and 17. My daughter only rings when she wants something . She still hasn't given me my Mother's Day card . She too works away a lot and says the card is still in her car. I feel,sad and angry. I texted her yesterday because we are supposed to for a show together - still hasn't replied. She is a moody girl . I get very frustrated with her.
I too find it difficult to say 'no '. I'm sure there are lots of us grandmas in the same position. Best wishes xx

I'm another who practically brought up two of my GC, besides working, running a home and then looking after a sick husband. Granted I was late 40's and into my late 50's but once retired at 60 I didn't half feel the strain.
Years later I'd learned that I was " part of being controlled " by my ex SiL who'd lived the life of Riley swanning around with my D and brainwashing her into what mother's were there for. I was a prize mug !

I wouldn't ever do it again, it nearly killed me.
Sussemac----you have a life. LIVE IT !!

Until an accident knocked the stuffing out of me, I had my DD's 2, now 10 and 8, for overnight stays from after school on Friday until Sunday lunchtime.
I've had to say to her that the 2nd night has become too much for me so now it's either Friday or Saturday! There was no big discussion, I simply said it was too exhausting and couldn't do it any more.
All's well now.

crazyh I still had my MIL's card and gift here until this morning when my OH went to fix something in her kitchen.Its not always possible to deliver things right on time .MIL lives 40 ish miles away and I dont drive, she knows and understands that sometimes life gets in the way.Cut your girl some slack .Teenagers can be far worse than toddlers in my experience and if she's working and looking after a home she's doing a great job in my opinion.

I actually get on better with my two grandsons than I do their parents. The older one (12) often pops in to see me at the weekend just for a chat or catch up or a snack. Long may it continue.

One thing....because I have done so much full time childminding since they were babies, and still after school with the younger ones, I’ve never been afraid to discipline them. I obviously don’t resort to smacking but I can give them a good telling off or remove privileges or toys etc..

But by the same token I’ve been the one there when they are sick off school, with cuddles and Calpol, or the sweetie tin!

What happens if you become ill and both you and your DH need care? Will your DD give up her job to look after you or pay for the care you will both need? I doubt it.

Sit your daughter down nail her feet to the floor and her ears to the wall (metaphorically of course!!). Spell out to her in words of one syllable what you have told us. That all this childcare has become too much and the load has to be reduced.

Tell her what you can do - and be cautious, prepare your self in case you and DH get more tired and ill and if she has to make other arrangements for childcare, give her a months notice - and stick to your decision.

Spot on MOnica

Does your daughter have a partner....are they a 2 income household?

They should pay for childcare and lessen the burden.