I’m struggling to understand.....

None of our business to put it bluntly. They have made their decision for whatever reason which they may well not want you to know. It is private.

Haven’t heard “any road up “ since I left my hometown many years ago. A great Yorkshire expression I even used to say sometimes myself!

People change

As so many have said, no one knows how a marriage actually is in private.

I think acknowledging that the "Third Act" of life is approaching and that the falling of the final curtain is non-negotiable concentrates the mind. A relationship or situation that was previously just tolerable may become unbearable. The thought of physically caring, indefinitely, for someone you don't love - or having to rely on them for intimate care - might seem intolerable.

Living with any person for more than two weeks kills me!?

Well. This is the thing - people change. My DH has making noises slapping his lips when he eats, biting his nails when he's concentrating, and - something he's always done - blowing his nose about 5 times a day with a noise like a foghorn. He's frankly driving me bonkers. This after nearly 43 years of marriage. Definitely trying to get some space between us. He is also very uncommunicative and undemonstrative. On the plus side, he is honest, totally trustworthy in every way, and we have both taken a responsible attitude towards life, money, the kids etc. Have I a good marriage or a crap one?? Never been able to decide the answer to that one. Should I have left him years ago? Probably. Do I have a better life now having stayed with him? Probably, but will never know the answer to that. Shall I stay for the rest of our lives? Suppose so.

I agree with annsixty, and others whose husbands developed dementia in their old age. He is no longer the lovely man you fell in love with, he is a distant and difficult and unfamiliar person who you live with out of duty and because you know your children will be unhappy if you left.
We were married for 54 years and the last 6 were so very difficult for me. .

Yes no one knows what goes on behind closed doors. Several years ago a friend's sister was all set to celebrate her Ruby Wedding. Huge family party planned in a posh hotel and then the 'happy' couple were going on a cruise of a lifetime.

On the actual morning of the party the husband packed his bags and moved out. He could no longer live a lie. he dressed in women's clothes and he went to live with his male partner who he had been seeing for twenty years would you believe!

Why leave it until the day of the celebrations??

Any road up, as Sir Alfred McAlpine said to George Wimpey....

If married young at 16 the could be 74 ish. I know a couple who separated at that age. One had anticipated doing so for a number of years but stayed put. Eventually thinking they wanted to enjoy what life they had left, they upped and left. Perhaps the same applies to your neighbours.

I've known this happen - and it happened because it had never been a very happy marriage, and then she got breast cancer (in her 60's) and when she was through it, filed for divorce. She said that the cancer has been a "wake up" call and she was no longer scared to be on her own. Her husband (who hadn't been particularly good during her treatment - he was used to being the one who was looked after) was knocked sideways by her decision. I bumped into her a few months ago in town and she looked marvellous (I hadn't realised how unhappy she'd been all those years).

I can totally understand.
My H develped dementia and it was so difficult to live with but live with it I did for several years. Finallly he had to go into care as I could no longer copeand I had 4 months of comparative peace while still visiting at least 3 times a week.
Now it is all up in the air again as he is in hospital and the care home say he can't go back as he has deteriorated beyond their care capacity so we are now sorting out more appropriate care for him.
It never ends, I can only say very honestly that the former years of a very happy marriage are wiped out by the recent 10 or so years and that is so sad.

If someone has been in bad marriage, I fully understand that they need some peace. Even if only for a few years, it is the rest of their life.

I just hope whatever the reason for separation they will both be content and happy with the decision.

Good luck to them. No-one knows what goes on behind closed doors and just because you have always put up with things, doesn't mean you have to continue whatever your age. We are only here once.

any road up
HildaW I haven't heard that expression for a long time!!

Forgot to mention that these people had been married for many, many years. They weren't that young as far as I could tell when we rented the house (mind, I was about 4 so anyone over 25 looks old to a child that young!) and this was many years after we'd moved.

It's extremely hard to say what was going on.

Case in point: some years ago my dad opened a Christmas card sent to us by our former landlady. (She sent us one every year.) After reading it, he said, "Oh no!" I asked what had happened, and he said, "[Husband] served her with divorce papers!" I proceeded to read the card. She said it was a slap in the face, that it was an abusive marriage from the beginning, you name it, he did it. She said she had a couple of cats and they were much better company.

We lived next door to these people. We saw them regularly as they owned our house. We still had NO idea what was going on.

As others have said no one knows but maybe something that has been a problem has suddenly accelerated
I guess it’s never too late to do anything while you’re still breathing
Nowt as queer as folks

Not sure I agree with some views on here. It could well be that one half of that long marriage has been living in abject misery for more years than they care to remember. Maybe they've decided that the time is right and, as they have fewer years ahead of them than behind them, they want to make the most of them. Which just goes to prove that its never too late!

A bit younger here, we and all our friends are in our mid-sixties. Recently, there have been two notable separations amongst our friends, two couples, both very good, life-long friends, like I said, in their sixties. The arguments, both from the wives are "he didn´t understand me, never appreciated what I did, left me on my own to bring up the children and now he is never there, etc." I do actually understand, though I wouldn´t be so drastic as to separate for what might me the last few years of one´s life. I know that in both cases the husbands are devastated and don´t know what´s hit them.

I wonder if one of them has always behaved badly and the other can stand it no longer? Perhaps there's a change in behaviour which is due to dementia and the other one's got to the end of their rope, as it were.
We don't know, of course, but if they've made it this far you'd think it could continue.
It is sad when a marriage ends but maybe it's for the best.

Like others have said, no one else knows what goes on inside a marriage.
But it is possible that one of the couple had a sort of "light bulb" moment, when they thought "I don't have to put up with this any longer" and decided that they could find the courage to leave.
Life can be unpleasant as part of a couple and happy alone.

Having said that, I give thanks every day for my happy marriage, which I would never have had if I had stayed with my first husband.

Unless there's anything " pre-planned " life can be unpleasant alone after all those years together. Surely things can't be so bad that the couple have to part company in their twilight years? It just seems so sad that obviously through the years tolerance has played a large part for the amount of years married including with all the offsprings too.
I find it very sad indeed especially as many are mourning their wives/husbands after 58 years.

I'm with you katek. It might not be for us to understand but it seems very odd. Presumably their children left home years ago they must have rubbed along ok up to now. Maybe one had an affair?