Lack of friends

I hate how this thread will probably be filled with suggestions about how to make aquaintances which is NOT the same thing as making friends

Always happens with threads like this.

It is "easy" to meet people. It is not easy to progress and deepen the connnection and turn it into a friendship. There are never any tips about the latter.

Ignore the last line. It is a widow or orphan.

I think it is possible to overestimate how many friends people actually have

DS and DDiL, seem to have a huge circle of friends, built from work and special interest contacts, they both work in jobs where the boundaries between leisure interests and work can be very fuzzy. However when you look at that social network in detail. The number of close friends they actually have; people they ask to be godparents, confide in, go away with and include in family celebrations is actually much smaller, probably not much more than 6.

I think the one mistake lonely people mostly make is in concentrating on wanting to make the one or two close friends and not realising that for most people, their social circle is made up mainly of the wider group and that the individual friends usually arise organically from that wider group.

Also, as Bam shows you need to make an effort yourself. I am still close to my best friend from school, when my children were small and from work and when I look back I can see that they were the ones befriending me, rather than the other way round.

The friend I have made through GN is special, because I decided that it was time for me to change and be more outgoing, I knew she lived near me, I knew she was facing difficulties so I PMed her and suggested meeting for coffee. I am so glad I did. But it could have not worked, we could have met once and decided not to repeat it. It is the risk you have to take and not be crushed if it doesn't work out.

It is not easy to go from

I’m no longer mobile, so going out is not an option for me. I rely on a few friends I have had for years, but they are all roughly my age (late seventies). I wish I had some younger friends now. My interests are quite esoteric, which doesn’t help, but I can’t be something I’m not. Luckily I enjoy being on my own most of the time.

On the whole, my family (not local) are my best friends. I don’t think this is a bad thing.

Vauxhall you mention not having a 'best friend'
My experience with a 'best friend' is this. One at school moved on to someone else when I was off sick for two weeks.
The next one when I was at work deliberately dropped me I think because I went to a party at hers my then boyfriend acted up so I walked out and my friends boyfriend walked me home....nothing occured but perhaps she thinks it did (teenage angst)
The last best friend had an affair with my ex-husband.
After that I was done with 'Best Friend' although I do have one very good friend who sadly moved away so only see a couple of times a year.

I have made one very good friend through Gransnet.

Like you I am an only child and although my DH has 2 brothers (one in a home) and a sister we only see them twice a year and they live quite a distance from us.
I did used to have a set of friends which seems to have diminished over the years. I was always the one to make the phone call but it got to the point where even if they were invited they couldn't come for some reason or another so I decided to stop beating myself up over it and if they didn't bother to contact me then so be it.
We still have some loyal friends but not that many now.
We are lucky in having two adult children that we see regularly and two grandchildren but they are family and you mention lack of friends.
I used to work for the NHS so belong to the NHS retirement fellowship and they hold meetings, lunches, theatre trips, bowls, and other events. Of course you could only join if you worked there, but the U3A offers the same sort of thing for retired people and it might be worth joining your local group.
Minimoon mentioned Knit and Knatter and I to belong to a local group and have made friends from that.
In the better weather DH and I get away in our caravan. We belong to the owners club and through that have made friends from all over the country.
I think you have to be a bit proactive and maybe not expect to make firm friends straight away but at least get out and talk to people, it gives you something to look forward to.

Yes I've just read it I too have had highlights done and yes I chat to people on social media and I have a friend in Australia too but it's not the same as having a best friend to go shopping with to just ring up and have tea

There was a wonderful thread very recently, ah, found it Lonely one week on, (Go to forums, Chat, page 2) in which someone, who had posted as being lonely sometime before, describes what happened when they set out to make friends and shows clearly how it is not just what you do but how that you do it, and what the 'how' was.

I’m 57 and can quite honestly say I don’t have one single friend vauxhall58

Yes I have my DH and two lovely grown up children and 4 wonderful grandchildren but it’s not the same as having a real friend that you can confide in, go shopping with, or meet for a coffee or drink. I blame having a baby very young , being a single parent and getting cut off from people of my own age, then working full time when my children were small so I didn’t meet other young mothers. Then working for almost the last 30 years in an all male engineering environment . I just never got chance to make friends .

This topic came up recently in one of my newer friends get togethers and I appeared to be the only one still in touch with friends from school/college/work/neighbour (one from first primary days!) which surprised them but not me.

I find my friendships interesting in that they have ebbed and flowed over the years where we’ve been at different stages with different interests in distant locations and only minimal contact but I’ve never considered that we’d stopped being friends if you see what I mean.

Also I’ve never stopped making an effort especially when tough times arrive as they do for us all i e death, divorce and disaster. I consider my husband to be my best friend but I cherish all my very different (from me and each other) friends and love doing different stuff with them especially now I am retired. My two newest friends were made when I joined a gym on retirement so it’s never too late ladies!

Lacked friends.

I packed friends when I retired. I have lost touch with all the friends I had at school, and in the last place we lived. I made up my mind to go and seek like minded people.
As crochet is a hobby of mine, I joined the local Knit & Natter group, and now I'm plucking up the courage to join the local choir, as I used to be a reasonably good singer.
It's up to you to go out and meet people. You don't need your husband to go with you.

Find something that interests you - join a group who do that.

Volunteer in a charity shop or similar.

Become a school governor.

Volunteer at local hospice.