Lack of friends

I thought I had made some good local friends when my children were young and at the stage when mums chatted while children played. Some I saw at least twice a week and we seemed to enjoy each others company and confide in each other etc.

But they ALL fell away when our children went to different friendship groups or different secondaries and none were interested in staying friends without the playdates.

Join a U3A if you have one near you. I have made lots of very good friends. Plenty of people I can do things with or just phone for a chat. Plus you’ll learn things too.

Some great suggestions here.When I moved to a new area,I found the single best thing for meeting people was walking my dog.If you don't have a dog,could you offer to walk one for a neighbour or volunteer at a local rescue centre?Most dog owners are very friendly and love to talk about their and your pets.My best friend is someone I met whilst dog walking.Sadly,my own dog passed away last year but I still have all the lovely friends I made with his help.

Wow.......
I’m sorry so many don’t have fiends, however, one thing I learnt in my 30’s.....the world isn’t going to appear in your lounge....

That is the assumption thst happens on these threads though.

Lots of lonely people ARE "out there". If I walk to my local shops I will bump into several people I "know". Im off tonight to a gruop event I helped organise. Im doing my course tomorrow.

I'm quite an out there person and Im good at making small talk. I'm just not good at making friends.

I havent made a new friend in about 10 years!
The friends I do make I keep. I am good at keeping in touch. But none of them are local any more.
I'm surrounded by friendly small talk but nothing real or deeper

Possibly this may work for some people (says the woman with no friends! )

thechattycafescheme.co.uk/about/

I only really have one close friend and she is about 20 years younger than me and still working so we only meet up once a month. I am on our local area Facebook page and a few months ago someone posted that shecwas new to the area and did anyone fancy meeting for a coffee. Two or three people responded and we now have a regular arangement to meet second Tuesday and last Wednesday of each month plus other days if anyone can't make those days. Each time we meet there are one or two regulars and usually a couple of new people. We are not close friends but it is nice to sit and chat to people of varying ages and lifestyles. Yesterday there was a young lady with a small baby who popped in forva coffee. We invited her to join us for a chat and even xheered up baby for 10 minutes and she is keen to pop in again.

Wow.......
I’m sorry so many don’t have fiends, however, one thing I learnt in my 30’s.....the world isn’t going to appear in your lounge....you have to go get it.
I also figured....it is better to go and join a group which interests you.....if you make friends that is a bonus!
I love sewing so joined a charity group making quilts for children taken into hospital....we meet once a month and have become friends. I also joined a patchwork group which gets me out and an Embroiderers group.
If you knit there are shops, groups and libraries who often host knit and natter groups.
I did try volunteering and met lovely people, again there is the shared interest.
Also, whilst it isn’t for me, at the moment, there is a local charity group who run a day centre where they host events so peopl can meet others.

Join the U3A a fabulous organisation where you can meet like-minded people.

www.u3a.org.uk/

Good Luck

Use your access to social media to find out what is going on in your area, both daytime and evening. If there are any crafts you enjoy doing or would like to try, there may be a group of people that meets up once a month or so, if not, why not ask if anyone might like to make one up ?
Join the local WI/ women's group.
Social life doesn't have to revolve around pubs and you have to start gradually and build up a lot of aquaintances that overtime may well become friends - finding something in common is usually a good start!

I've only got one actual in-the-flesh friend, who was my best friend at school too. Loads of friends online. I have a husband, a daughter and an ex daughter in law and their kids who are my family - and a son who hasn't wanted to see me for two years now, but he did give me a lovely ex-dil and grandchildren But anyway, back to the point, I have one friend and she's a good friend. I don't feel as if I could fit in any more friends at this stage of my life and still do them justice.

I'm divorced with no children (that speak to me) and live with my carer/best friend. She likes to stay at home, I get cabin fever and would like to find someone to go for days out with. Trouble is, I'm in a wheelchair and the buses from where I live are few and far between and stop at 5pm. That makes going out in the evening impossible (Wheelchair taxis are twice the price), so I'm a bit stuck for finding friends too!

Notanan there is no formula for making friends but you have to know people first so they start as acquaintances. I have found as we have travelled around a lot that I have found people everywhere with whom I have clicked. If I like someone I generally find they like me and I slowly develop this by seeing them for coffee or a walk etc. I have friends now all over the world and they are good friends. When I was diagnosed with cancer each and every one of them rang me and they constantly keep in touch. I moved where I am now when I was 50 and it took a while but I have made one or two really good friends here. One I met through my husband's golf and a couple from NWR.
If you want to have friends you have to go for it. It is a little like dating and you will know immediately if you click.

I agree with LuckyGirl - you need to interact on a physical level to make new friends and this means its up to you to see what's out there - if hubby sits and does nothing then the world's your oyster - you could join any number of groups, do some volunteering but make this where you will meet like-minded people. You could always launch your own book group, inviting a few neighbours and reading a book each month, taking it in turns to host the evening, and enjoying a glass of wine at the same time. With a new circle of friends, you will always have someone to spend a day out with and visiting places of interest together. Our local hospice is always looking for volunteers to sell in its charity shops, to serve in its restaurant and café, to drive outpatients to and from appointments, to tend the beautiful gardens, to join the arts and crafts groups that make items for sale. There's also a choir. Look outside your home and you will find endless opportunities to make new friends.

In preparation for retirement, (my apologies for mentioning as it's a way off yet) we all have to work out what to do 'socially. And of course many people move area or downsize. People we used to work with let us fade away. So what do we do?
Evening classes, join groups, U3A, environmental or political groups, residential weekends away learning to do something (which is a bit expensive), charity work, organising a new group (e.g. Neighbourhood Watch) or a reunion (workplace, school etc), buy a dog are honestly just a few.

I think there is a vast difference between a friend and an acquaintance. I have two of the former and more than my fair share of seriously pleasant others. In both cases I find diligent nurturing in both directions is essential. This is particularly true when building up a newish relationship. My besty and I are about to celebrate 60 years of meeting on 16th June. Truly lovely relationship and yet initially we weren't enamoured of each other. Unfortunately we live farish apart but that doesn't seem to matter. I am forever open to new associations. Just find people fascinating and am so grateful to be fortunate in this area of my life. Have to add that, at this stage of the game, I'm attending more funerals and my circle is deminishing far too regularly. That's the painful consequence of relationships. Whoever said 'better to have loved and lost' was spot on.

I don’t have friends. I do think that being an only child for my childhood (I was 11.5 when my sister came along) does have an effect. I have people that I’m friendly with, but that’s different. I know them from volunteering and kickboxing. My life revolves around my husband, children and grandchildren. Perhaps I’m just not a friendly person. My daughters have lots of friends, but I just can’t be bothered to cultivate friendships with other women.

Those people you try and socialise with online are not friends. It is only o facebook that they are misleadingly called "friends. When the computer is off they do not exist. The only real friends are those you meet face-to-face. So get out and do that by volunteering an hour or two a week at old age homes, play groups and such. It is not the oldies or the kids you will become friends with, it is the other volunteers and staff you will meet....those contacts can build into friendships. Also try groups like indoor bowling, library reading groups and so on.

Sound's just like me thinking of getting a divorce
So I can invite new people I meet to my home
He doesn't want to do anything and doesn't like me going out without him
But he won't join a gym or go for a walk
I will watch this post to get ideas

I know what u mean. I get very involved with my large house and garden and I find I have no time to socialise. We also have a lot of animals to care for.
Lately I’ve been going out for lunch every week with some girls I met through the horses. It’s been great. Also I have joined the gym but don’t get there very often. U have to push yourself. Ring people and go for a coffee or do afternoon tea and invite someone round. Volunteer or join a group that really interests you. U can easily become isolated and just do your own thing. Get in touch with cousins you haven’t seen for a while. U must push yourself, even if u just see someone once a week for coffee.

I have no friends either, when I retired, I kept in touch with a couple of colleagues but that contact is very infrequent. Travelling so much, I've never made or had many friends, I've always found it very difficult to speak to people and still do.

Notanan2, you can't make friends until you have made their acquaintance! I don't think that you can force a friendship, but keep meeting people, and making the effort to stay in touch will allow friendships to develop.

There is a lot of evidence that the larger your network of friends/acquaintances the better your health and wellbeing.

I was in a similar position working so that I couldn't get out (DH is VERY unkeen for me to go out at night). We'd moved constantly since we were married and so I'd lost touch with most people I knew.

I joined U3a, which has a lot of groups everything from bridge, to latin, vegetable gardening, knitting, singing, walking, you name it.

I also went on facebook and finally found school friends I'd lost for years. One drove up to see me yesterday.

I joined a group of ladies who 'meet for lunch' one day a month. I found them through the local website.

I haven't found a best friend yet, but at least I can natter now!

Cheap/free courses
WI
Open Mic night - singing comedy
group/singles holiday
Volunteer - National Trust/holidays e.g. free accommodation for work in garden.
Volunteer in food bank
Search the internet for other opportunities.
Don't sit wondering do something/anything - you only get one go.

Can I suggest you consider doing what I did when we moved hundreds of miles from original home town to very isolated property...
the village hall in the next hamlet offered various events... I went to a coffee morning on my own...left husband in garden... was welcomed and got sucked in...
15 years later I realise it was the best single thing I did to get to know and get involved... even husband occasionally helps out now and I can honestly say I feel part of the community..
village hall ...church hall... anything like that always welcome help and by giving that you become friends...
do it now ...take that first step...

This is very common when you don't work with lots of people, or when you no longer work.
Join your local Women's Institute they are so different to how they were,, and now have lots of other little groups within such as a theatre/cinema group, book club, walking group.
Join an over 50s group on Facebook or inline.
Search for your local Meetup group, which is a fantastic way to make new local friends...going out for coffee, lunch etc.
Good luck, and keep us updated ?

The multi-media images of just about EVERYONE having loads of friends, having a fun time all the time, in demand socially, never stops smiling, always being asked for words of wisdom and generally being exhausted by their never-ending social whirl just ain't true.

A total myth. You may think not having a bunch of friends (and there's a word that's of questionable definition) is a negative - well, think of a positive.

Privacy. Something that is very precious but vanishing so fast in the 21st century that (I predict) in as little as a couple of decades people will look back and say "remember when we had privacy? Where did it go? Ah, those were the days."

And don't get me started on the subject of people who describe the assorted types they collect on FaceBook as "friends"......