Lack of friends

Zsarina, I would most certainly enjoy you and your kettle but its too far.

I’ve made the point before that it’s a pity the people who are looking for friends can’t meet up via Gransnet. Yes, you do have to say where you live and some might not be happy with that. There are a lot of lonely people out there, so think about it.

I moved from North to South two years ago and had to say goodbye to friends. I still keep in touch with some of them but I joined the local U3a, a local community choir ( and I didn’t know I could sing) a reading group at the local library and a walking group. Making friends wasn’t instant but I’m getting there. I doubt I’ll ever replace the depth of a couple of my oldest friendships but I do have people I meet for coffee and a chat and whom I could phone if I was in a mess. Take courage, it’s not you. Part of the issue is not having time because of work and family obligations but if now is the time for you to spread your wings and find friends, trust me you can do it. I reckon there are a lot of people out there who are lonely and looking for friendship, you just have to take the plunge and find them! Good luck.

I agree with a comment made before - friends does mean different things to different people - talking to the neighbours does not mean they are friends to me, where you know if you tell them something they will tell the next person they see - a friend to me is someone I can say anything to, tell them anything and I know it will go no further - and unfortunately I don't have one of those. I would love a close friend who I could confide in and trust.

Look out for your local U3A and don't be frightened by the University in the title - I joined in your position several years ago near where I lived the and subsequently moved down to Somerset and joined and am an active member of the one local to me. there will be monthly meetings where there will be an interest talk and it is the habit to have a meeter/greeter when you go so if you go alone they can introduce you around. Within each U3A there are a number of interest groups you can join that meet when they have agree to meet and you can find them on their own website. I belong to a Mah-jong group I facilitate an art group, and I am on the committee. We have a ukele group, 2 recorder, beginner and advanced, numerous language groups and bridge - this is only a few of the 25 or so we have. Within these groups you are sure to make a friend with a similar interest. I addition to all of this if there is something you would like to have happen you can approach the committee and facilitate a group yourself - you do not have to be any good at the subject, just be prepared to organise. Hope this is of some help

Saying

I went looking for friends, and friends where no where to be seen
I went out to be a friend and friends where everywhere!

Maybe join a walking group.
Where I live, we have regular twice weekly coffee mornings to meet up and chat with other like minded women.

This was initially organised through Gransnet.
You should be able to find out if there is a local group near you.
Or you could maybe organise one yourself. My particular group has evolved from just a few of us getting together and now we have around twenty sometimes attending.
Sometimes just having acquaintances, is ok and if you meet up on a regular basis, friendships will inevitably develop.

My best friend moved away from the area last year and I felt bereft. I have a couple more friends (ex colleagues) who I see regularly but decided I'd like to expand my circle. The magazine Yours (I am not associated with this so am not advertising) has a Find A Friend column and I used this to see if I could form any friendships this way. I have met one lady with whom I have a lot in common and we now regularly go to the cinema together. I also suffer from a rare condition and, via Facebook, managed to trace three women living in my area, who also suffer from it. We message each other regularly and meet as and when we can. Funnily enough we hardly every talk about our condition but chat and have a good laugh. Good luck if you do want to try to increase your friendship circle. BTW if you live in the North East you might want to meet me for coffee and a chat!

I have a lot of friends for a variety of reasons. Lots of interests, make lots of effort, have friends from every stage of my life. Lucky you, you might think. What I don’t have is my husband. He died two years ago. Without my friends and family I doubt I would have survived. Others have suggested ways to make friends. Go out and do it. It is hard if you are not outgoing but you will benefit if you. Good luck!

PaddyAnn I absolutely realise that my ocassional vexation with DH is my own issue. There is nothing wrong with him I just get pangs of envy when friends have a whole other world opened up to them via their OH.

I also realise that if you have a sociable DH, his friends are nit necessarily going to be people you would chose and it can cause a whole other level of problems..

... its just a little "grass is greener" pity party on my behalf!

If I had enough friends of my OWN it surely wouldnt bother me.

My problem not his really..

Can I just add that where I'm a volunteer, people are interviewed and police checked before being accepted and so there's a delay before starting. I guess this would apply in all cases.

I guess I'm lucky that I have has a best close friend from when we started school, 60 years ago and a best friend in my sister. I have many friends but these two lovely ladies I can put my trust in and we are always there for each other. are you able to change your job and find one where you are in the company of other people. Also if it appeals to you, there's a fortnightly magazine called 'Yours' that has a page called Friends of Yours where people are seeking friendship. Each person writes in giving their age and what their interests are and which area they live in. Charities also have befriending volunteers so that you can have 1 to 1 chats to people who would also love to have company. Do you have any neighbours that would love to have a shopping trip friend or someone who needs their dog taking out for a walk. If it interests you, would you fancy being a bar lady in a local pub. I'm a volunteer in an elderly residential home and have been and still am blessed in making friends with so many lovely people and some with real characters. A rewarding job.

To those Ladies that are lonely with no so called friends a organisation to join is the Red Hatters look it up you can be out with them or as little as you like I hope this helps a few people emilina

I am now 82 and hove been immobile since 79..I had to stop driving and have been housebound since then...it’s hard to keep up a friendship because people stop calling..I used to love going to karaoke nights and now I just sit and look out of the window.. I think I have lost the interest to go out at nigh and I am gradually beginning to think as an old woman..I do have long phone calls from a friend that I can laugh with but I miss face to face and now I am beginning to get about my flat more I wish I had friends to call for a cuppa..I don’t like thinking I am old....I also have an age uk volunteer who phones me every Thursday from London..just a short informal conversation..even so she is in London I am in swinton..I always have the kettle on if your passing my way

I'm the opposite of most of you my OH is the most sociable man on the planet ,I'm the one who would rather stay home .I have GC to look after a sick daughter and an elderly parent ( my mil) when I do get time I just want to chill with a book or a session cooking/baking and get time to myself.
Friends that we've had for decades irritate me now with their insisting we NEED to get away more often, they know I've never been holiday minded so why would I be now?they are hardly ever home always traipsing somewhere ,and the rest of the time pleading poverty .I am perfectly happy where I am .I've worked with the public for 50 years and its just nice to get away from people for a change .

Notanan2 - I also arrange everything. He has never booked a holiday. I do it all. Yes it is tiring. I want someone to do something for me!

I would forget the online idea.

If you offer to volunteer locally, you'll get to know people in your area, and may then bump into them at other times and can have a little chat. If the first thing you try isn't for you, have a go at something else.

Also a community choir is often very friendly and you come away feeling happy. I don't think I sing well, but it's OK in a group.

To get a real friend takes time. Start by just socialising more generally, and forcing yourself to talk to people. From that a real friend may eventually evolve.

Lindy123 if you really want to make friends keep trying. It will happen. If you were with people in a big group they may not have noticed one leaving. Or perhaps didn't have your number to ask why you left and if you were ok.

I joined Slimming World a few years ago and made two very good friends some casual friends and I really don't make friend easily I'm going to join a local knitting crafting group soon and hope I can make more friends with similar interests

It's just tiring Fern , mine is happy for me to have friends and welcomes them when they visit but its always me arranging anything social and he just tags along. I would like to tag along once in a while IYKWIM.

And I feel like my "pool" of potential friends is halved compared with other married friends as he introduces me to exactly noone. He likes being at home and may get on with people at work but has no interest in seeing them outside work

Following on from AngelaMCGF's comment, I joined Meetup 6 years ago and I have made a lot of new friends through the various groups on there. It has helped with my confidence so much, I even run my own group now. Check them out in your area at www.meetup.com and I'm sure that you'll find something that interests you.

Meet up app . Shows what is on in your local area.

I meet most of my freinds though my dog . Then by doing a gym class . Then being in hospital.
And now i go to speaker club .

I’m an only child and I can honestly say I’ve never really had a friend. Not one who I would confide in or to share the good and the bad times. I’ve been to social events with acquaintances and left halfway through and not been noticed many many times. Done social media , charity, volunteering and full time work. I just think some people are meant to be lonely and I’m one of them.

I do empathise PennyWhistle* my best friend died 18 months ago. I know I can never replace her. I just try to be thankful that I was blessed with her for all those 25 years of happy times, silly chats and lots of laughter and supporting each other. We are lucky to have had such a friend. I wish you well when it's time to retire.