Lack of friends

Where you live , and your age group, has much to do with how to make friends. Notanan is right . Friends and acquaintances are not the same.

I'm not gregarious and had to be very stern with myself to go out and meet people.

I did find that single people are better than married people for friendship. Unfortunately you really have to join something and not be impatient. Like lovers, a friend may be unexpected but you have to place yourself where other people are.

Sounds familiar and I just wrote a long message but hadn't logged in properly so message got wiped.
Try U3A, all kinds of groups for over 50's, Linkage, they do lots of things including short walks ending at cafes and have a look at the Meetup website too.
I found myself short of friends but since finding these groups I have plenty of new people in my life and friendships build over time.
good luck, feel free to ask me more.

Hello all
Thanks you for your replies all taken on board and will follow through I have found a couple of sites online I'm trying
I'm in the Essex area if anyone is also looking for a good friend xx

Have you tried your local WI? In most towns there is achoice of groups who meet in the day or those that meet in the evening. If you do join there are a choice of sub groups where you get to know a few of the members on a more friend making way! Such as a Book Group A walking group or a scrabble group Good luck!

Vauxhall58: Have you made any progress? Would be interested to hear from you as there are so many good ideas here, especially suggesting you meet up with fellow GN people in your area.

I am so sorry for the OP and others on here who say they have none or few friends. I don't know what to suggest - just wanted to express sympathy. And you can make friends through this group.

Why don’t the lonely people wishing to make some friends,put their area they live in, then other local people may contact them and start with going out for coffee etc. I am in West Sussex and would love to meet up with someone. Any takers????

I have also reached 63 yrs and found myself with no friends, I was widowed a year ago.
My adult children are good but not a friend for a chat or laugh.
I had friends when children were young, but moving and then giving up work to care for my mother for 8 yrs.
After she past my health deterioated and I had depression, my husband then had heart problems for 5 yrs and we just lived in our own bubble and happy.
Now he has gone its tough.

My job as a friend is to be supportive.
If you can't do that don't be their friend - find someone else you are more in line with.
Remember to listen to people and if they don't listen back forget it!

To be trustworthy you have to be reliable - you need to practise these things yourself to find someone equally so. Never be late - its an insult to the person you're meeting.
Always be considerate, kind - never a doormat and treat others as you would like to be treated. If you want someone to visit you when ill do the same to those you know.

I do volunteering with a children's after school literacy project - if you want to know more ask and I can give you details - they always need people as its one to one and brilliantly run.
Volunteering is the best thing to 'get yourself out of your own head' all about giving which is good medicine so to speak but you have to enjoy it so try a few different ones.
Don't stay in one you don't like just for the sake of it.

Love the earlier post from someone who loves pottering at home while the people she knows flit here there and everywhere! It gets to me to the amount of travelling some folks do when retired. I think a lot of it is escaping boredom but when they get there its boring too! Just something to do but not useful! I think its called a geographical...Bit like moving house because you feel miserable.

Surely one holiday a year is more acceptable, practical and affordable - if you're lucky of course?

Adore the earlier post about putting leaflets through doors to arrange a coffee afternoon and its now going strong once a week and before they leave they always arrange the date for the next meeting. I think that's very important. Now that's what I call impressive - I would love to be friends with that poster!

Wonderful thread - lots of inspiring posts.

You have to approach it as a project. "This year I am going to make some new friends". I worked full time and had three children, busy life. 4 years ago my husband died. 3 years ago I retired (from teaching). SO........I joined a choir. Two art classes. Aqua aerobics and Pilates. Some short courses on gardening, art history etc. Result? Lots of new friends.

Can I also recommend the National Women's Register? I first joined many years ago and it was a boon when moving to new areas to be able to plug into the local network for all manner of things. I'm still friends with people I met via NWR over 30 years ago.

www.nwr.org.uk

Wow quizqueen you are amazing! I agree with all that you say about getting out there and just immersing yourself in stuff!

I joined Facebook purely so that I could find out about events going on locally and it’s been a boon as I try most things advertised at least once and I’ve met so many new people (can’t always remember names but never forget a face and always admit to that!).

I don’t expect everyone I meet to become a ‘Best’ friend but am happy to call them a friend if I can chat at the shop, bank or bar or even Facebook for a few minutes and I willingly help anyone on my account without a blink. Why wouldn’t I?

Actually, although I have half a dozen very close friends going back to primary school and onwards, I wouldn’t call any of them best friends - but they all know how much they mean to me and I do different stuff at different times with all of them.

As my dad said about me, his daughter, and his three sons, ‘ I love you equally, but differently’.

I had a lot of friends until I moved to be with my OH.. then although I worked full time I only had colleagues ( mostly younger). Didn't notice really until I retired then it struck me - esp as by best friend had died at 50 -was a "billy no mates" went to tweet-ups ( see Twitter) and re-started swimming at local pool, on both places have made some lovely friends.
Find something you love doing and friendships will come I'm sure..

Someone else may have mentioned this but have you tried University of the Third Age (U3A)? There's lots going on there and as someone else has said, acquaintances can become friends (in fact as a long term divorcee, I've met a lovely man through U3A)!

There is an element of luck.
We could all post advice about how to meet a partner.
Whether a person taking that advice ended up sailing off into the sunset with the love of their life remains to be seen.

I think it all boils down to being a true friend to ones self, to bring tranquility and joy into ones own heart and mind and provide ones self with equal joy and comfort like one gives to others- I don't believe people deserve the love they've given in return, but do believe that an open heart and mind won't have to look very far to find it-

Hi everyone , I to have no friends.

What about joining the local WI, it is not all jam and Jerusalem these days, they have all sorts of different topics and speakers, our local one has done gin tasting and hula hooping! In addition to their monthly meetings there are options to join in with other nights out.

Being part of a group does not put a pressure on you to find friends but gives you an option of different company and interesting nights out. It is a great start. I hope you find enjoyment out of what you find to do.

Or was it that they did not contact you because they felt that they did not know you well enough and that you might consider it as intrusion.

It is easy to always assume that everything other people do is rejection an negative. We sometimes, needto re think how we think.

I was out to lunch today with a group I belong to. I was sat between two people I know less well than others in the group. I said very little because I am getting over the dreaded lurgy and I was feeling tired and washed out. Nobody could know that and they probably thought I was just uncommunicative. so they talked mainly to the people around me, and who can blame them. The fault lay with me not them.

Am I asking too much? All I want is a one good friend who will be there for me as I will be there for her. I used to go to church. I go to a monthly lunch club. I used to belong to U3A. I went walking. I joined several groups & classes. What is it about me I'm getting an inferiority complex.
I made some "good" friends or so I thought who I thought would be there for me if I ever needed any one. How wrong can you be! I broke my ankle last January I was housebound for 3 months no one came near! The ladies I thought were friends did things together I was not included. I have several health problems & in the past before she died I was looking after my Mum as well . They seemed to take it as a personal slight that sometimes I was too ill or too tired to go out with them. It didn't interfere with their plans at all. How do you make friends? I don't think I'm a nasty person I try to be sensitive,understanding,helpful, a good listener. Perhaps I'm too soft.

I am 62 and have no real, close friends at all except my husband and children. I went to 14 different schools and became more and more isolated as I moved on. I can be friendly and have a reasonable number of acquaintances but no female friend in whom to confide or with whom to share pains and pleasures.

It is somewhat lonely but when I look at Gransnet, Mumsnet and other comment sections on websites I realise how very cruel and heartless people can be especially to those who think others need and depend on them. I certainly would not want to be a hostage to my affections.

I really feel for the OP and hope she can take up the very helpful suggestions that commenters are making about meeting others.

I am 56 and have 2 friends, one who I see almost weekly when she is not away, she is now retiresd, and the other I was very good fri nd with when we worked together for 10 years but I have been visiting whilst she was home after having a s!a accident and time off work. I am so glad I made the effort as we went for lunch two weeks ago and have.booked to see a play in may and are texting regularly now as opposed to her visit to my birthday and my visit to her on her birthday. We have promised to make !ore of an effort. I also joined a rounders team this year and a! Making !ore aaquutances through that and attend a craft workshop when I can and have met a few people through that.

I would definitely suggest finding a club, voluntary work,sports or arts group, class to mix with like minded people. Make an effort to talk to people.

Go on face book and join a local group you will find people you knew from years ago I have.

Good luck, and here's to making !more friends than when we were younger, I hope to do so. X

People who sit at home feeling sorry for themselves are not going to make friends easily; they will not come knocking on your door. So, you need to get out there and have a positive, happy attitude, otherwise people won't bother to get to know you. Harsh, but I'm afraid, true.

Start by being more friendly with your neighbours, chat and invite them round for coffee. Talk to people in supermarkets etc. I am always talking to the next person in the queue. Visit your local library and see what courses and groups they run. Book clubs are good because they will make you engage in conversation. Go to church and volunteer to do things -they are always desperate for help and you don't have to be especially religious. I'm an atheist but still go to church events like playgroups with my granddaughter and quizzes, which is my 'thing'. I find the Baptist church welcoming. Volunteer for other local organisations such as political groups (I met lots of new, like minded people through campaigning for Brexit) and there's a myriad of charities or physical activity groups to chose from. I went to a swimming therapy group after a knee operation and made friends by just chatting in the communal ( female) changing room. I also made new friends by going on a singles holiday. Perhaps get a dog and smile and talk to every dog walker you meet and admire their pet! Fill your time with activities, even if it's just babysitting for a local family to get some extra cash - there will be loads around who need someone-give your name to the local toddler group.

Maybe if your husband sees you out and about having a nice time, he may want to do more. Never turn down an invitation or refuse to offer help to someone who really needs and appreciates it. Could you perhaps look for a different or extra job which involves more public interaction?

After splitting from my husband some years ago, I had to form a new social life as I was no longer part of the couples circle. Although I would admit my best friends are my two adult daughters, I have several male friends whom I go to quizzes with regularly. One, sadly, has just died and he was a quizzing and a political friend but, all of a sudden within weeks, another guy pops up and wants to be in my team. I do prefer the company of men, I must admit, and have always found it easy to be with men who are 'just mates'. I'm certainly not particularly attractive, so the men aren't engaging with me because of that, but I just find it easy to talk to people about anything even though I was always shy as an only child.

I have always been a bit quiet, and didn't make friends easily. I have some, but no-one that I feel really close too, which is sad. I get out quite a lot, though, and also enjoy my own company.

My DD made some new friends by joining a book club. She had fertility problems, and one friend became so close that she donated eggs and became 'mum' to my daughter's baby. She also behaved impeccably with the baby, acting like a loving aunt, and never overstepping the boundaries. Her husband is pretty special too! You couldn't possibly have better friends than that!

I had a good friend of 35 years we had a falling out a couple of years ago over me cancelling a day out due to having to take a member of the family to hospital. I have apologised numerous of times but she is not interested.

I have made other friends now by joining various clubs, which was hard to do on my own. Although they are friends we don’t have a special relationship where we can tell each other everything.

I still really miss her but have had to make a wider circle of friends and hope that my relationship with them turns into something special.