School making parents feel guilty

I didn't say there was anything wrong with being middle class.

Ths issues the OP mentions strike me as rather middle class. I think schools have more than enough to do without arranging social functions. Whether we like it or not, society has moved on. Families come in all shapes and sizes, parent/carers are busy or working or both.

Asking parent/grandparents into the school so they can see the methods used to teach their child / grandchild is extremely important and helpful. They are taught to read and do mathematics differently now.

It can save on tantrums and stress involving homework. Reassuring to the child that you know how to help them with their reading and spelling.

As for the social side, I think the schools are trying to be more inclusive which in turn helps with children’s self confidence and for the more nervous pupils is a real boost.

I admit to feeling a tad jealous here. I’d love to attend the sessions detailed above, but sadly live three and a half hours journey away so am unable to do so. ?

I had five children and always worked, grandparents were too far away to come, dads only managed one sports day ever! It was so difficult to get time off work, I needed to save my holidays for when the children were off. I eventually persuaded one of the companies I worked for to offer parents the chance of a few hours off work for children's events as one of their motivational incentives that they had, along with company car upgrades and alloy wheels, shop vouchers etc that motivated the child free.

I have gone to as many school events as I possibly can, but don't beat myself up if I can't make it for any reason. I agree schools expect a lot of participation from families, but during the times I've been there, I've seen that the children that have no family attending are kept occupied by the teachers and not left feeling left out. It's nice to be able to take an interest in your DGC education, but I'm sure the schools know that it isn't always possible. Just go when you can, and don't worry about it when you can't. Another point is that it teaches children that life isn't always going to run perfectly in accordance to their wishes, which is a valuable lesson in itself.

It does sound from the OP that this school are getting into a frenzy of activity; like some here my parents attended parent's evening once a year in order to come home and give me a lecture for not working hard enough. That aside they didn't set foot in the school, so I do think it is good to have some involvement, like a sports day or a tea party, but surely so many activities that take up so much staff time must be stretching everyone to breaking point, and particularly the staff who are having to facilitate these events.

Another ‘knock the schools’ thread?
Actually, Anja, I think all this is added pressure for the teachers and some of it must be quite disruptive to a school week.
Some of the 'special assemblies' are a great way of demonstrating to the parents what the children are learning and probably a good way of getting them to remember rather than just learning facts as they do their presentations.

But it does seem like a lot of extra work for the teachers, and it has been one thing after another this term.

GrandmainOz - yes they made themselves mortar boards when graduating from 'infants' to 'juniors'!
And someone did hire a limo for last year's Y6 - mothers of this year's Y6 were heard muttering 'don't expect the same next year!!'.

Maybe the rationalle behind lots if events is that parents who cant make one will at least have a better chance of making another?

I DO think that they should properly plan the years events so that they are A. Spread out and B. Really working to enrich school life

Is fancy dress for world book day really working? Does 99% of the kids coming in as Harry Potter or Elsa really raise freah enthusiasm for reading? Maybe mix up the way its done a bit

Would it be an idea to switch up the charities supported? Maybe get a local charity in or do trips to one like an animal sanctuary. Comic relief/sports relief/children in need heavily target schools but that pits a LOT of pressure on parents to buy the associated tat & costumes/teeshirts and isnt actually that enriching for the kids

I would prefer if instead of the pre packaged charity days, the kids voted and picked one local and one global project to support, and then REALLY got involved and learned about those particular charities

I would say that most parents make sure that someone attends. My GC have always had someone pleased to attend and the parents never found it too onerous.

Like who Telly if theres no family local?

Bear in mind also that many parents expect to be very involved and put pressure on schools to organise these events. The poor school staff can't win. Events like this take a lot of organising and effort but schools get criticised if they don't involve families.

I too have noticed the vast increase in expectations on parents put on by the schools. There seems to be a presumption that there is a parent free (or grandparent) at the drop of a hat to attend the huge number of events they organise and to have the time to engage in extra things like baking for the endless fairs and cake sales. I am still in my 50’s so am at work full time so as a grand parent can’t just pop in to school without taking time off for the purpose. Daughters and SIL work and also can’t just pop in to school the SIL parents also all still work! How do the schools imagine people live these days! Long gone are the days when most households had one stay at home parent and elderly retired GP to step in! These days everyone I know with children and all my friends who are grandparents are still working and usually full time!
And I agree about the expense! When my 3 were at school I was in very straightened situations even getting the ingredients together for the food tech lesson each week was a strain as they usually involved food I didn’t use like marzipan or icing sugar (I don’t bake) but how I would have coped with the endless costume requirements (2 this month alone for one set of DGC a pirate day and world book day!) plus the endless requests for money for various school enrichment activities supposedly voluntary but in reality compulsory if you don’t want to stand out!

A few years ago, my friend asked me to be her daughter's Granny for a lunch at school, as she and her husband are both university professors and travel a lot when they are not teaching.
The staff were a bit surprised to see me, as I had been a frequent visitor to the same school when my daughter was a pupil there! (I was a supply teacher, so I could arrange my work around her school events)

The extra paperwork, extra curricular activities and out of school projects are the main reason I chose to take a Landscaping degree instead of opting for the teaching degree I wanted, back in my 40''s. It has only got worse, imo.
I attend school fetes, nativity plays, end of year concert or plays and the occasional in class activity for the youngest GD. Anything else is too difficult to attend due to distance and ill health.
Oh, and youngest had a 'Graduation' from pre-school, a ceremony at the end of their last day, when all parents/carers arrived 30 minutes early. Light hearted, cheerful and fun with a butterfly covered certificate, coloured by the child, and a cupcake.

I am a Governor at our local primary school and school totally understand that parents work. I am 'attached' to a class - in my case Reception - and will follow them up the school. Part of my remit is to attend school events that 'my' class is involved in and 'stand in' for parents who can't attend. This way the children have someone to show their work to , and to support them in assembles, plays etc. Schools do understand, but they want to invite parents and Gps so that they feel included in their childrens' education. There are still some parents who seem to look upon schools as 'childcare' and never listen to them read at home or do their spellings with them or research projects. I used to work for the NHS and visited schools as part of my work. The same parents who didn't bring their children to NHS appointments didn't support their children in schools. I watched something on the TV yesterday when somebody was saying that over 50% of the prison population weren't educated. Maybe these inmates had parents who didn't support them in schools?
Sorry - rant over!!

RillaofIngleside has got it absolutely right. It is often the parents who are the driving force behind many of these social and learning extra curricula activities. They want to know how their children are being taught, hence the phonics sessions. If teachers don't do something they will be perpetually asked the same thing by different people and often at very inconvenient times.
Mother/parent lunches are often organised because parents question the quality/organisation at lunch times.
Discos are usually fundraisers or PFA events
I don't think it is unreasonable to expect the school to give you a timetable for at least a term and at best a full year so you can plan ahead. But teachers are sympathetic to families whose children don't have anyone available and they do take good care of them.

I think any attempt to engage family with what child is doing at school- especially in the very early days -is to be commended. I know not all parents can attend or have GPs local enough to help out but surely someone could get there to support child. I have gone to events when parents could not for some reason go.
The high school my 2 DGS attend has a special tea party for GPs in child's first term as they realise that it may often be a GP who picks up or attends daytime events. It was great fun & meant that we could see round the school & feel more in touch with what went on.
I have often been to events at primary school & nursery too. The staff know me & how to contact me if the need should ever arise. I think the children like to think that everyone knows what they are doing at school when they are little anyway.

well thank goodness my gd who was living with me is grown up no. I couldn't have gone to any day events as I had a full time job. I think there is just over load with school eventsand I agree with you last comment Lily

When my son was in primary school, I used to volunteer to listen to children from 2 classes read.During break time all of the parent volunteers joined the staff for coffee in the staff room (apart from the last year I was there, but that's a different matter!) where the common cry was "why doesn't so an so's parent (s) come to volunteer, Harvest Festival service/ Christmas play/ Coffee Morning/ Christmas party/ school outing?
Now this was 20 years ago and the school staff didn't seem to realise that they may well be working, but so were other parents!
Parents can't always take time off work with short notice. Many have to give several weeks notice to even book annual leave and many schools still only give 2 weeks notice of events, instead of planning well in advance and producing an annual diary. Hard enough even to take time off for the non contact days - until this year, the 3 levels of schools locally had different days.
They do expect too much and need to take note that parents can't always drop everything from their working life to fit in with their staffing shortfall !

jaylucy I don't know which school you were in but I have been in many staff rooms and not one of the people I worked with would have made remarks about any parent or child in front of another parent. It is completely unprofessional and not something any school should tolerate. I'm surprised no-one complained.

I’ve managed to attend quite a few events over the last 8 years since dgc started school, but it has involved travel and overnight stays. My teacher dd was widowed when dgd was only 6 so I’ve stood in for her at many events. Fortunately they live locally so it’s been manageable. Now dgd attends the high school where her mother teaches - this meant dd couldn’t attend her parents’ evening as she was working there herself! She managed to catch dgd’s teachers at random times during the week for a quick chat. Not ideal but best she could manage. There are so many expectations of families to support all activities that it’s simply not possible to meet them all. The fall which led to my broken shoulder happened at ds/dil’s when I had stayed overnight to attend 3 year old grandson’s “ stay and play” morning at nursery!

Phonucs sessions are to encourage and support parents reading with pupils at home - the best way to getting children reading proficiently. The maths sessions are to get parents/family understanding what their children are doing, how they are developing. A good school is one that encourages parent-school liaison to the benefit of the children.

As for social events and fund-raisers, lots of families are moving in and out if the area. Schools are one of the main ways newbies meet other families.

'Schools don't understand' and 'the teachers expect'. The teachers don't choose all this stuff, the head and leadership team do. And the teachers are more often than not parents too.

Spare a thought for those of us whose grandchildren live overseas and cannot attend anything - oh I envy you!