Did marriage change your friendships?

Saggi good for you. He sounds like mine. Didn’t like my friends. Too “ bright” for him - his words. I don’t approve of him either. You feel as if something has been “ stolen” from you.

I met my dearest BF of nearly 50 years because our long ago exhusbands went to school together.

I do not think the idea of not continuing all my friendships as usual after my marriage ever occurred to me.

As for my husband approving of my friends or otherwise, he had more sense than to try, anymore than I would try to control any of his friendships.

Controlling men generally steered well clear of me, they knew they were on a hiding to nothing. I did at one point date an old friend and after a few dates, decided that he was the kind of man that would want to control any woman in his life, so I made my excuses and left.

I let go of all my friends when I married as my husband didn’t ‘approve’ of them .... all from my schooldays or the streets I lived In. We were a Bonny lot of kids and all got along .... but ‘he’ didn’t approve. I now no longer approve of my husband... so gradually I’ve been re-establishing contact with my old ‘ mates’ , one in particular. My life is fuller than it’s been for years .... my OH grunts but says nothing.

No, I didn’t lose friends when I married.. He was already part of a group of friends is London whenI met him and ,although he is no,longer with us ,unfortunately . as many as possible of this group still join in a reunion every now and then. Most of them were born in London ,but have now moved all over the country.
I actually made a lot of new friends after marriage as we moved from London to the Midlands and made new friends here. . I’ m very glad they are still here as friends as I have now been on my own for just over 10 years.,

Although DH not being a drinker did cause problem with some alcoholic relatives who didnt like the fact that DH didnt enable them to claim "social drinking" because we wont sit and have manly beers with them all day long, we usually asks for a coffee or soft drink instead, which doesnt go down well because then he is not giving them a "social" excuse for all day drinking IYKWIM.

I see less of them as a result.

Like you Gillybob, I have no friends. Moved away from everyone when I got married and no one bothered to stay in touch. I did try several times to reconnect but got nothing back so gave up. Had colleagues at work but nothing special. I do have a wonderful family in my hubby and children and now grandchildren so am very content. Also keep in touch through Facebook with one or two old schoolfriends but haven't seen them in 40 odd years.

Some friends did melt away after I married but it was mostly because we were all marrying and moving and having children, so not just to do with my own marriage. I have kept in touch with many of them and in later years some of them have 'come back', which has been lovely. My DH and I have made lots of new friends over the course of time so I feel very lucky to have both old and new friends. My lovely sister has been my lifelong best friend.

Having children: yes

Marrying DH: no

I no longer have contact with school/college friends but this is more to do with moving around rather than marriage, exchange Christmas cards with some friends I've made but otherwise no contact. I'm still in touch with my work colleagues, we're spread far & wide in England, on FaceBook also a couple of ex boyfriends.

Marriage took me from Yorkshire to Lancashire then Middlesex & Somerset. Finally now as a widow to Devon where I've made many new friends

No all my close friends remained friendly. On the other hand my parents, sister and Aunt took a sudden dislike to him. My engagement was ignored and relations between my mum and DH were frosty for many years.

We are coming up for 48 mostly happy years together and I wouldn’t change him with anyone even when he is being his pedantic self.

About 5 years before my mum died she said ‘I realise you two are happy together, I wouldn’t have chosen him but he is good to you’. End of conversation. ?

Yes because he monopolises every conversation so only the brave stay friends.

What a good conversation starter MissA.
I have known my oldest friend for forty six years and although she and I have never had much in common and we live geographically distant from each other we remain close - our husbands, when we meet, get on well, but again have little in common. My friends are a very diverse group and I'm glad to say that all of them get on well with my husband. He also had friends from childhood and they have become 'our' friends too. Some of our younger 'friends' feel more like family - they have lived with us, which makes for a very strong bond.
It has been an interesting time recently as some of my old friends had/have very different political views. I'm glad to report that we have been able to disagree about some 'hot' topics without any animosity or rancour whatsoever.

No marriage didn't cause the loss of friends but moving around did, although we did actually write letters to one another. Most long term friends were made when the children were small and we are still in touch.

MissAdventure, it sure does! Society seems to have lost the art of speaking to the bereaved!

Yes, one of my good friends told me quite rudely that she didn't like my husband and that she would no longer visit us, but I was welcome to come to her place!

A married couple dropped us too, but I later found out the had dropped all their other friends, so I don't think it had anything to do with our marriage.

I gained two of my husband's three sisters and their husbands as friends, and became closer to my own sister, who, fortunately, liked my husband.

Ah, bigreader, bereavement seems to really let you know who your friends are, doesn't it?

I didn’t lose any friends through my marriage. However, I lost a couple of them after they became grandmothers before me, and suddenly they had no time for me as they were busy with said grandchildren. The biggest shock was after my husband died and they all vanished never to be seen again. I have since made new friends through an excellent Widows/widowers forum many of whom report the same reaction from their supposed friends.

Blondenana I do feel for you. Why do men think they have ownership of you. Had conversation with husband this morning but he still can’t see it is wrong.

Yes,lost all my friends through first marriage to a very controlling man, because i wasnt allowed out without him, even shopping had to be with him, the only time i rebelled and went out while pregnant i got a black eye,
Remarried again a lot of years later, similiar situation, wasnt allowed to visit friends or them visit me, i didnt drive so that didnt help, we moved to a very small isolated village too,
As you can tell, i am a rotten picker of men, i have been on my own for over 30 years, and had the chance to marry again, but he was a bit like that too, so didnt risk it for a 3rd time, had relationships in between, but now have no close friends as i moved here when my children were older so didnt even meet others at school etc,
I have moved around quite a bit so have no friends from school , to see either
What a sad person i must seem,

Yes kircubbin I can also relate to that. Don’t like saying it but the other wives came from another planet! Had nothing in common.

Yes, my husband didn't like any of my friends husbands as they were mostly well educated professional men and he was not.We socialised with his friends and I had little in common with most of the wives.
My mistake was not keeping up with or cultivating my own friends as he spent a lot of time at sports things and going for drinks with the boys and I stayed at home.

Wobbles. Why not contact your 'closet friend' and tell her that she was right about your husband. It's a shame to lose such a friendship!

I am with you Gillybob. Husband made me dump nearly all friends and has always been a bit disapproving of most budding friendships. I too have made bad choices as married young.

Not really, my 3 closest friends and I were at school together, so we go back years, I still see them fairly often. My husband has, over the years, become very good friends with one of the husbands, it was a bit of a slow burner, my husband being extrovert and friend's husband being introvert, but they have undoubtedly become good pals which is an added bonus. We have had holidays with them over the years, particularly when both sets of children were young and of late just us the 4 adults. Similarly, again over a period of time, I have become very good friends with my husband's best pal's wife, so much so, we have become friends independently of them (the men). We all have a meet up annually, they are in Scotland, we are in the south, and we the wives go off and do our own thing when they are playing golf.