Lonely

You don’t say where you live? Please tell us.

Bambam may not wish to reveal personal details. Why don’t you PM her instead?

There is a big difference between being in the company of other people, and being with someone whose company you enjoy. Many people who say they are lonely, simply want attention. Someone who will sit and talk to them on a one to one basis. I used to help with Age Concern, visiting old ladies who lived alone and simply wanted just that....a cup of tea and a chat. Perhaps that would suit some of you on here?

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again. Why, somehow, can’t the ones who are ‘lonely’ or needing company connect up with someone in a similar situation on Gransnet. You could put the town you live in and see what comes from that.

For me weekends are when I feel lonely and bank holidays I have a wonderful family but they do their own thing at these times I have a couple of friends but both have partners so tend to do things with them I work during the week so it's not like I'm sat at home alone but like it's been said someone to do nothing with is what's missing I enjoy living alone most of the time like many others I would never let family know I feel like this as I wouldn't want them to feel sorry for me I have enquired about U3A and meet up but events seemed to be in the daytime during the week

Meet ups is a worldwide organisation for people to make friends. My Meet up group I joined two years ago and it was a god send. Google Meet Ups and the area you live, it will give you the information you need. If there isn,t one in your area then you could if you wanted to start your own. My group is Sutton and lichfield Friends. There is also an Over 50s group. The list is endless. The other suggestion is Beanstalk. reading with children again google Beanstalk and it the information will be there. Taking small steps like I did changed everything.Good Luck

Someone else may have already suggested this but have you considered University of the Third Age? There are usually loads of groups to go to - I live in Aylesbury and I could be out doing something with U3A every day of the week.

www.meetup.com/ hope this helps.

Your post resonates with me harrysgran, it's the weekends and Bank Holidays I can feel lonely and I've realized that when I've felt like I did yesterday, it's nearly always on a Sunday.
All the posts on here have helped so much, such kind people.

I think everyone feels lonely sometimes. I find the telly and the radio in the background great company when I do.
I joined my local WI (a 'young' one) and have made some lovely friends through that. We also go to a local church sometimes - full of friendly people but you need to be 'into' that for that to be an option.

I haven't seen whether anyone else has suggested
togetherfriends.com

togetherfriends is a friendship website just for women in the UK. togetherfriends helps you to make new friends by putting you in touch with like-minded women who share the same interests and live in the same area.
It is a friendship website, not a dating site, where women can connect online and make friends, based on location, age or interests.
By linking you to other women, you can find a friend to go to the theatre, go dog walking, or have a coffee with. If you need a travel companion, we can help with this too.
Many of our members have recently moved to an area, retired, lost a partner or divorced and are now looking to make new friends, like you.

Don't give up - join more clubs, do some voluntary work, fill your days with activities, get a pet to love and be positive and pleasant in others' company, I'm sure there are more friends out there for you. Plenty of activities at libraries and information about courses etc.

What sort of things are you interested in? Listening to children read in school, politics, quizzes, knitting, pet sitting, book groups, painting, country pursuits, chess, join a committee etc. the list is endless. Could you do a p/t job?

Also, go on a singles holiday - 'Just You' or Saga are very good companies; people always pal up on holidays and you could visit their home town if they didn't live close, if you found someone you got on well with.

The togetherfriends.com sounds interesting Juliet, Thank you I will look into that.
And Thank you quizqueen for all your suggestions, I am really going to make an effort to join different things and if I get on with someone, not be afraid to ask if they fancy a coffee later.
I realise the only way to meet new people who may become friends is to be more proactive.

Loneliness is difficult, I am lonely, I have been married for nearly four years, to a man who hardly speaks to me, never touches me, and leaves me feeling like the cleaner. I have joined two car clubs, each meets once a month, for a couple of hours, and I am gradually making some friends there but that would only be for the couple of hours at the meetings. I got a little rescue dog, he gives me so much love, I love him to bits, I have to take him out for walks which is good, and there are people on the walks who say hello, and pass the time of day. I push myself to talk to people, but the loneliness is there inside,

Classic ..reading your message saddened me as I understand how even in a marriage you can feel lonely. I've been grateful at times that I've had my dog to cuddle to make up for a lack of affection. Walking a dog is certainly a way to get to know other owners. Hopefully some of the acquaintances at the car clubs will gradually become closer friends.

I lost my friend use to talk a lot was at my wedding at my child birth and always on the phone but since she died I feel like someone has chopped my left arm off. I could talk she did criticized just listen vice versa. it was nice to have a chat special so I know how people feel lonely.

I live with my husband who sadly has memory loss and has forgotten how to converse.It is possible to be lonely in this situation.I have a few good friends and enjoy my time with them but I can’t leave my husband for long so he tags along sometimes. Just wish he was still the man I married.

I think my loneliness started when I gave up work to look after my mum.
I was never bothered one way or the other about socialising, but my job meant that the people I worked with became like a family unit, in a way, with all the fun, stress, and everything else that comes with family life.
All of that dwindled away, and the little bit of socialising I did at work was gone.
So, in a way, I've reaped what I've sown, by keeping people a bit at arms length, and also being too idle to stay in touch with people.

It's sad but also comforting to know that so many of us feel the same way. Since being widowed and then last year moving nearer a DD and away from all I'd known for nigh on 40 years and finding myself being swallowed up by loneliness, I've joined the W.I, an art group, a choir, volunteer in a charity shop, joined 'Borrow my Dog', read with the P2s in the local school, help out at school fundraisers, church events, babysit the gcs and in the hols, help the (lady!) Vicar when required (and me an agnostic...)and am about to start a voluntary thing with the NhS. And, do you know what? I'm still lonely. I'm a people person. It's all about having a 'someone' around to do nothing with, to go off with on spec, for a day out or a meal or to plan a holiday with. No one knows what real loneliness is until they are suddenly tipped head first into that unfathomable abyss. I absolutely bloody hate it but I'm the only one who can solve the problem and I'm trying....

I've reaped what I've sown, by keeping people a bit at arms length, and also being too idle to stay in touch with people.

Exactly this. I said at the beginning of the year that I would make more effort to be involved.

I'm not entirely convinced by the ideas put forward. It's a bit like Weight Watchers, if it worked everybody would be slim!

It can be a desperate feeling when you muster you renergy to go along to something and feel worse afterwards. People in cliques, people absorbed with their own problems , people with some quite serious issues who drain the life out of you.

‘Any idiot can face a crisis; it’s this day-to-day living that wears you out.”

– Anton Chekhov

Lily65 - you are so right - well said. I know from first hand experience all about cliques and people who only want to talk about themselves.

The groups, WI, U3A, art, choir, church, walking, scrabble, quiz, volunteering etc. etc. are great ways of filling in the days...and often sporadically. My local history society and local horticultural society meet once a month for example.
I agree it all helps though and have tried a lot of the suggestions over the years.

I have also found cliques more often than not in the groups/courses [many] I have tried. It isn't great to hear others planning to meet up outside of the group/course in front of you and feeling left out...going home feeling more lonely than before.

I think what a lot of us miss is that person who pops round when you need an afternoon/evening at home to relax...someone to chat through a tv programme with, share a cuppa with, exchange a book, sit in the garden with, with no need to dress up and travel before you have company.

Or it's missing being spontaneous as one can be with a live in partner/relationship. Being able to go with the weather, deciding last minute to go out for a trip, go shopping, go for a walk, go for a meal or dashing off together to catch a film at the cinema. It's about someone being home to talk to after something has upset you, to discuss what you have just seen or listen to an idea you've just had.

It's someone to turn to when something funny has happened and have a giggle, someone to point out the beautiful dog, the cute baby, the sunset, the wild flowers and blossoms. Someone to have an ice cream with, sit in the pub garden with on a sunny afternoon.

It's what I miss and isn't easily found sadly. Most of us have one restriction or more [health, commitments, transport problems, financial issues, school runs/family to see etc.] which means life isn't straightforward and the problem is not easily resolved...despite efforts.

The one thing I particularly can agree on, is 'missing having someone around to do nothing with' whether it be a friend or family member. Just the presence of another human being can make a big difference.
I'm one of the lucky ones, however. I am good in my own company. I am alone quite a bit, but rarely lonely.