Lonely

It was just an idea. You might just want a man as a partner to just to go to couples things. Not get married or live together!

Letting a room in your home (after doing lots of checks) can be beneficial to you and a lodger but remember, if you live alone, you will be liable for the whole council tax bill as you will have to inform them that you are not entitled to the 25% single occupant discount. Failure to do this means that the council will take thecwholecamount owing from your bank account when they find out, as they will.
An acquaintance recounted her shock when more than £500 was taken out of her bank when she let a work colleague rent a room for over a year.

Sulis
Taking in lodgers or students might affect your taxable income.

Just another thought. If you don't like coming back to an empty house, and if you live in or near a town or city and have space to let out a room, could you find a young working adult you think you could get on with? Your home, your rules - and if it doesn't work out, you can tell them to go at the end of the week - they do not have the rights of a tenant! Plus, any rent you charge is likely to be tax free if you do not charge more than £7000 or thereabouts per year. Get references though,whether word of mouth or otherwise.

When I was in my twenties working far from family and friends I spent two years in the home of a lovely woman who had worked in the same field and who had been widowed. In spite of the age difference we got on really well. We continued to be friends after my marriage and until the time of her death many years later.

I also know of an older person who regularly rented out two rooms of her home to nursing/medical auxiliary students who badly needed affordable accommodation. All became good friends, she had the reassurance of help on hand if needed, and was invited to many subsequent weddings and christenings!

If you are able, why not volunteer in a charity shop. Every time I go in the ladies are having a good old chin wag. Then you have the customers to chat to as well. My best friend went to live in another country ten years ago. I meet another good friend weekly for a zumba class. However due to an injury I have not been able to go since November. Despite texting her weekly she hasn't made the time to meet up for a coffee.

Have you heard of Chatty Café? It might be worth looking to see if there is a local café in the scheme
thechattycafescheme.co.uk/
I know we are starting one today in the café where I volunteer and it seems like a good scheme for lonely people to go for a cuppa and a chat.

Hi Bambam,
Yes. I am in exactly the same boat. If you have a spare room why not take in foreign students, a lodger or do a bb? I take in students who go to local school to improve their English mainly and I also get £120 a week for their board and lodging. That way I have a bit of company, make a few pounds, and enjoy my solitude and space when they have gone! I also try to stay in touch with them when they return home.

I can echo Ladyinspain, it can be lonely in a marriage too, in a similar but different way. We rarely do anything together apart from eat and watch TV and then he tends to fall asleep even in a favourite programme. I go to things by myself, choirs, voluntary work, church etc, and in some ways other people think you don’t need friendships as you are married but you do. So, singles, don’t hesitate to make friends with married ladies as they may be just as lonely as you.

GG54

I tried a meetup once, but there was a big group and the pub was one of those they've removed all the carpet and upholstery from and the wooden floor and wooden chairs and the effect on the accoustics and everyone trying to speak louder to get over the echoes of all the other sounds in the pub I couldn't follow a single conversation. However, our local group also has coffee mornings which are probably smaller and quieter, that I haven't tried.

MawBroon
You wouldn't find many (if any) as dashing as PawBroon looks in the photo you shared, so, as my mum used to say after dad died, "When you've had the best, no-one else will do", or words to that effect.

Bamban Have you thought about getting a dog or cat because it's lovely to be greeted when you come home and are needed. I have a very affectionate cat, loves sitting on my lap on long winter evenings. Have been widowed nearly 7 yrs Daughter widowed just over year ago, lives 150 miles away so I visit 3 times yearly. Son now back with me from abroad after being away on and off for 4 years. Good luck weather is lovely which helps me.

I realise that you have mentioned having agoraphobia but, if you let that be an obstacle to living, it's no kind of life...is it

Sadly that is the reality of Agoraphobia.
Hard to understand if we don’t suffer from it.

Oops! walkvongsidebyou alongside you.

Hi Bambam, Iknowwhat you mean! I have family and friends but am single and live on my own. I have some very good friends but although we regularly meet up they all have partners and or families. My closest friend also died a year ago. I think even though I am in contact with lots of very lovely people it's easy to forget how long it takes to develop close friendships! I too joined MeetUp and it took a long time to actually make myself attend a meeting. Like most things in life although everyone was lovely it took a while to get to know people and find someone connected with but I now meet up for coffee with two lovely ladies. You do sound quite like me,maybe quite reserved until you know people! All I can advise is to keep pushing yourself out of your comfort zone. Last year I booked a coach holiday with a local company to Italy. It wasn't aimed at solo travellers but I told myself if it was full of married couples I am content with my own company! There were married couples but also single travellers,one of whom was allocated next to me on the coach. We clicked immediately and since then a lovely friendship has developed that I think has surprised us both,it feels like we've known each other for years! So yes,you have to put yourself out there. You may meet people who you don't have anything in common with,you may make new acquaintances hopefully you will meet someone who brings you as much fun and laughter as I did! Local libraries are also very good and have many activities such as craft and book clubs! Good luck??

Everybody is different but if anybody suggested internet dating to me I would probably show them the door.
Why do you assume anyone needs a “man” ?OP said quite clearly she is not seeking a partner.
I don’t want a man, I would like Paw but as I can’t have him why should I want another?
This is about loneliness and about friendship or company not desperation

A small point Anniebach
The drive from Cardiff to Liverpool is only 173 miles driving distance and I thought you live further North than Cardiff and your daughter lives further South than Liverpool. Just wondering how the distance is 220 miles.
Y
I hope you can get out more now you have 'Fred'. There should be activities where you can take part in your neck of the woods and help with transport. I realise that you have mentioned having agoraphobia but, if you let that be an obstacle to living, it's no kind of life...is it.
Who does your shopping? Maybe the therapist can walkvongsidebyou to the shops or accompany you to visit a neighbour. You must surely know some people from your area from before the time your agoraphobia kicked in.
Longer days and warmer weather might coax you outdoors more often.
It's better to find reasons to overcome obstacles than to stay within your comfort zone and say that you have a problem.
You could visit your daughter with a little help on and off trains. They have free, trained assistants who meet your carriage as long as you book it when you book your ticket.
I hope you find reasons to get outdoors more now that Spring has sprung.

Internet dating. I put my friend, who is in her early 70 s on a few sites. She has met a lovely chap with a lovely family and they are now living together. I have lots of little groups of friends. Get out of your comfort zones. Put your lippy on and just do as many things as you can. Some will work and some won’t. I meet a group who were a WI group all late 70s and 80s. They should understand about loneliness but they are so cliquey but I still go because there a couple of women I really like. I find it easy to talk to people. My job was marketing and events. So I had to get used to talking to strangers. I hope this has given you some encouragement. I know it’s not easy.

I'm with you there Bambam and do sympathise. It's not easy, is it, being alone. Like you, I'm ok sometimes, more often than not really, but there are times when lonliness strikes hard. I too lost my very best friend a few years ago. ~She was the last one left who knew all about me as we were only 17 when we met. My family are lovely and I see them regularly but I always feel faintly guilty for taking up their time as they are so busy, and my grandchildren are all more or less grown up.
What can we do? Just plod on I suppose, trying to keep busy. Keeping our mind occupied is quite important I think. I do wish you well.

I've been on my own for over 30 years. Usually I'm a positive person. Brought up 3 children on my own from a very young age (them not me) worked all my life and had to forego going out for those single parent years. Moved 100 miles to be near one of my sons in Cambridgeshire (the others live in Surrey and Ireland) and despite getting a part time job and joining meetups have nobody to call on. Have really got to rock bottom so sympathise fully with you Bambam.

Try the U3A if you have one near you. I have heard it described many times as a ‘lifesaver’ by members. Give it a try as well as meeting people you will also be able to learn something new.

Bambam, one of the best things I do is volunteering with the National Trust. You meet like minded people who you work with, you also chat to a lot of different people during the day as they pass through the property. You can work as much or as little as you like. You can be a room guide or take a group on a tour, or work in the gardens or shop. Social events are organised and you soon find special friends you get on well with. There is something for everyone. Travel expenses are paid. Try it, if you don't like it stop. Nothing ventured, nothing gained.

That is me, Maw. The dog, the telly a book, housework and gardening. Occasionally, a treat= go to supermarket to buy groceries. I don't drive in the dark and there's no community in my rural area. That's why I wanted to move to a town but find that too daunting now. Also, I would hate it if people were always popping round for a chat, so there's no solution for me, I suppose!

I have made lots of friends through Meet Up, you do have to find something that you enjoy. I started going over a year ago...it takes time to make friends. I dip in & out when I can, it's made a massive difference to my life. We have to get out there, no one is going to knock on the door & invite you out for coffee

I am lonely, and Ive been married 49 years, (anniversary yesterday Feb 24th) Husband is not the man I married in many ways, drinks way too much, sleeps a lot , isn't interested in socializing, family - me! He's 71 going on 90. I see my girls and grandkids , now & then, but the eldest 2 granddaughters are 18 & 24, and have their own lives now. Friends, boyfriends etc, visit to Granny isn't as important now. Daughters both work, and they too value their time off with their families -so yes, being lonely isn't just for the singletons!