Lonely

You don’t say where you live? Please tell us.

Coconut - my Mum is in the process of moving into a retirement apartment, which has a communal lounge for residents. I'm hoping she likes it, as she's rattling around in a 3 bed detached house at the moment. She's 87, but very fit for her age and we both volunteer at our local hospice. It's a lovely place, we chat to patients and she has many friends amongst the other volunteers. It also makes you grateful for your own good health.
Bambam - I would definitely recommend something on those lines, especially if you find weekends lonely, since that's the time when hospices find it difficult to recruit volunteers.

try your local or look in the library for a book club. If you are fit enough walking groups or keep fit groups will get you out. There are gardening groups and scrabble clubs if you try your local community group - not always easy but you might find a group you like. good luck

Coconut yes my mum lived in sheltered accommodation from 74 years of age to 94, it suited her well, she could shut her front door and do her own thing, but certainly in later years she would go to the lounge and have tea nearly every afternoon. She made good friends and they were a good mutual support group. The only problem was they sometimes got a bit too mixed up in each others problems! It was a godsend when we were away or tied up with work, grandchildren etc. to know that she wasn't on her own. She did get lonely but she thought that was just part of ageing as gradually all her friends died. Don't forget to look at Gransnet meet ups and see if there is one near you.

Oops. I have just seen Private message ?

Hi Bambam and Hi to all the other lonely /depressed/disabled people who have answered in this thread...I too am on my own in swinton, Manchester and I don’t want a partner as such but I miss talking..I feel like every response is my thoughts exactly, I have recently realised that I don’t have FRIENDS...and I can’t get out and about as I used to and now I don’t drive I just sit and look out of the window I talk to my daughter who lives in Somerset for hours on end and I miss not driving down to her ...I have other family who will come if needed but that’s not a visit they should come cos they want to...I have had a lot of help from Age UK and now I have a phone pal who phones me once a week through age uk.. it’s not as good as being with people but it’s the next best thing so I am available to carry that on if someone wants to phone me for chatting...no personal info is exchanged unless agreed by both parties...phone no’s. Would have to be exchanged through either messenger or Facebook as I don’t know if
.Gransnet have a personal message forum?

Hi There
I often feel alone too I have no close friends at all I did have a man friend only but he died a couple of years ago I'm married have no children only child myself both parents gone
I'd be happy to chat if you would like I'm Sharon and I'm 59 tomorrow lol please feel free to contact me if you would like
Shaz x

Bambam, I so recognise your situation. However, I'm fortunate in that I've found the ability to approach people I already mix with casually and suggest coffee/lunch with considerable success. The one thing you really need for this, I find, is the grace and strength to deal with the occasions when you are rebuffed. That's not easy but it is the one downside I can think of. I find a degree of consolation in that the 'rejections' are at least being honest and I suppose it's not easy for them either. It has never happened to me in an unkind manner. A few deep breaths, dust myself off and recovery is complete. However, I have to say my current bunch of pals are indeed a fun lot. My two bosom buddies live much further away unfortunately but we meet up when we can. Good luck. I hope it helps to know there are many of us about.

I think you have to get out there and do different things until you find people on your wavelength. And I think sometimes a cat or even a budgie helps. Lodgers also can be an answer and you are helping the housing situation.

I know the feeling very well too, as I married late, and was very lonely by fits and starts for a lot of my adult life.

If the fit was only brief, a day or so, or the weekends when everyone seemed to be doing something nice but me, I planned things I wanted to do and did them on my own.

Sometimes it was more a matter of giving myself a shake, which you obviously do too.

Volunteering could be a very good thing, so could joining a club to do something that you really like. It doesn't matter what, as long as you like it.

MB your first post was quite excellent. Thank you. You certainly have a way with words.

I joined the Friends of National Trust Group. I can go on a coach trip about once a month to a NT place of interest, we always have lunch and afternoon tea sometimes. Once each fortnight there is a coffee morning and a card and second hand book sale. I have bought some good books for £1. On Wednesdays the have an amble which is walk up to 5-6 miles and on weekends a ramble which is walk up to 10 miles. We always stop on ambles and rambles for lunch in a pub. There are also interesting lectures about various topics. There is always something to do and you just join in with what you want, nobody pressures you to do more than you want to. There are groups all over the country and very friendly. They are always looking out for members who will volunteer to make coffee for example. You soon get to know people.

I feel everything your saying..I too am alone..every week is the same .every weekend is nothing special...I try not to show how lonely I am..when I go out shopping I talk to anyone who will listen but no friends any longer my bestie died two years this April and is awful...not being able to pick up the phone ..wish there was somewhere I could go to see if I could make new friends. I had to give up work early due to illness so that’s made me feel even more isolated .

yorkshiregirl you are missing the point this is not what we are discussing most of us have friends or groups or volunteering duties we are talking about the many hours inbetween and the difficulties surrounding aloneness
There needs to be a different word really, I can’t be a lonely person I have friends, relatives I go to the cinema, volunteer, garden, keep fairly busy but I have long periods alone when I miss daily conversation and chit chat hence why I m on here a lot

I got a dog in January because I was feeling exactly the same . I have a lovely husband, 3 grown up children and a grandson who I care for once a week. But......I still felt lonely x I had to retire early due to ill health and as I’ve gradually learned to cope with my conditions, I felt I had lost “me”
I joined a couple of local support groups which helped me make some fabulous new friends and now I have my gorgeous pup who makes me get out of bed in the morning!

Contact Age uk they can put you in touch with groups so you can build up a social life, and make new friends

I’m not in this position ... yet, but who knows what’s round the next corner. Those retirement villages look good and seem to be popping up all over the place. And some of the warden assisted accommodation apartments I looked at for my Mum ( which she now has changed her mind about moving to). I would think they are the ideal scenario, you have your private accom when you want it, or lots of company and entertainment in communal lounges when you want company. Does anyone have experience of these ?

BlueBelle you are so right. Although I am not lonely, I do suffer from no purpose some days. I do have friends, family and voluntary work plus a business but it’s not the same as it used to be. Do you think that’s where unhappiness comes from?

You could put a free listing in Yours Magazine looking for people to meet up with for coffee and outings in your local area. They have to write to you first so at least you can perhaps sound them out first that way. Good luck

Fiona I think that’s wonderful and a very good scheme but that’s really not what most of us are talking about we all have friends relatives groups and things in our life just talking about the everyday emptiness of living alone or being alone in a crowd
They are two entirely different things

Age UK run a nationwide befriending scheme. Volunteers are matched and DBS checked with an older person. They commit to visiting on a weekly basis and if needed can help with light shopping and other outings. This is monitored by the Befriending co-ordinator. It works really well as often the Volunteers form long-lasting friendships with the older person. There is no charge for this service, as Age UK believe no one should be lonely. Do contact your local Age UK, or you can PM me.
With best wishes
Fiona, (Chair of Age UK Westminster)

Have you thought of joining the U3A? They have monthly meetings but also lots of different interest groups you can join. I used to think it was difficult to meet new people, make new friends as you got older, but I've made lots of new friends and also kept my brain chugging over by learning about new things. I found everyone very friendly - I'm not very good at joining established groups as a rule, in fact, I generally don't bother - no confidence, - but I really enjoy the groups I've joined and would certainly recommend giving it a try. Just google U3A to find a local branch.

I agree, where do you live? There must be someone on here that's lives close to you who would be willing to meet up for coffee or something.

Oh perhaps if people put their general area, a meet up could be arranged? Or lots of different meet ups.

thecwholecamount the whole amount.