I think maybe you are being overly rigid. When anyone comes to stay with me I enjoy making them feel welcome and always go out of my way do they feel welcome and at home.
If you had one who paid for your wedding ?
Maybe I should have put this on AIBU but I genuinely am interested in what you think.
I have had 2 youngish (mid 20 ish) volunteers staying and from day one they made it plain that they were
a) cold
b) didn't like our food.
So after a few days of this I suggested, (and had given them extra bedding) they should find somewhere else because having brought up a family who ate what was on their plate or went hungry, I was not prepared to compromise with these 2 .
They sounded surprised and one said that it was because her own DM had been forced to eat as a child that she in turn allowed her children total freedom.
Why is it we either react against our upbringing or repeat the conditioning with our own children. i.e.
What was good enough for me
I'll never inflict that on my own kids
Any views out there? These 2 have left and I am relieved.
I think maybe you are being overly rigid. When anyone comes to stay with me I enjoy making them feel welcome and always go out of my way do they feel welcome and at home.
Menopauselbitch I think you are right. Please may I come and stay with you? Although your pseudonym does sound scary 
Grammaretto in future state that your accommodation is not suitable for people with special dietary requirements or fussy eaters. It sounds like you can cope with cold lodgers as long as they are willing to eat what's before them. As long as everyone knows the score up front, you shouldn't get fussy or vegetarian volunteers again.
We use one of these organisations, as do many of our friends. In general it works very well. The norm is that the workers are only expected to do 4 - 5 hours work a day and a day off a week in exchange for board. Mostly they seem willing to do more without being asked.
It is a great way for young people to work around Europe/the world, and often it is older people. However both parties can list likes and dislikes on the site. so I say we don't cater for vegetarians so that gets around quite a lot of angst. also I do ask before they arrive if they have culinary likes and dislikes.
I would always make sure they are warm enough, there is nothing worse than being cold! Those coming from sunnier climes would find Scotland beyond the pale in winter - and possibly summer too! You can't blame them for feeling the cold in such a climate, I live in the foothills of the Pyrenees where we have very cold but dry winters. I would no more go to my cousin in Scotland in winter than fly to the moon!
I too hate the term 'Snowflake generation'. It's such a sweeping summary, and although there are young people maybe deserving of the name (but who brought them up, and how), there are a great many more who definitely are not.
Grammaretto
Quote 'I am looking for an easier life not a hard one' says it all. is this really for you?
Mmmm maybe you are expecting a little too much? Lots of young people are vegetarian nowadays which isnt too difficult to cater for. Vegans are!! The poor man can’t help having a nut allergy and far better that he tells you so than he ends up in hospital or worse.
Perhaps you just need to compromise a little, try some new recipes you all like or ask them to cook? You might find you like the same things and have more in common than you think. And discover some new delicious meals!
I think I will use one of these organisations. They can come here and fix up my dilapidated shack and put some slates on the roof.
In return they can share my tinnies of a night.
I used to live in a place where people came to stay and work in return for food and board. We were all vegetarian but the deal was to eat what was on offer. All the food was good, fresh and plenty of it but we never catered for individual likes and dislikes.
And no-one expected us to! People were far more accepting then I think. (Back in the 70's and 80's.
I think if I had a nut allergy I would have given warning.
Also when I was vegetarian and it was not a common thing I took with me food I wanted if I went on a visit to friends or family. I never expected people to make that extra effort for my dietary choices.
I see now in my grandchildren too much fussiness about what one will eat and the other won't.
Wow, you expect your guests to wear coats indoors? I'm originally from Russia, so minus 8 is nothing comparatively. At the moment it's minus 27 in my hometown, but nobody would expect to wear a coat indoors.
If I were your unpaid worker, I'd be pretty peeved with the cold in the house as well, and I don't like porridge for breakfast either.
Sorry, but your accommodation offer and general attitude do not sound very welcoming.
I’ve just looked quickly at the two sites you linked, Grammaretto, and wow! What a fabulous opportunity some of those places offer to young people who want to travel and see the world.
Am now feeling very jealous
and wish I had done something like that when I was young,
Oh yes Grammaretto.... with a little difference ... my husband when we were younger used to say. “if it was good enough his my mum itshould be good enough for me” meaning no central heating, no washing machine, no driving for me, no allowance although I worked full time ( which his mother didn’t by the way)... no nothing for me that twas any better than his mother had!!! But when it came to him it was everything better than his father had including a car ( not a bike) a very generous spends allowance for himself , a big colour tele ( not a 20 “ black and white) oh yes he always had to improve his life usually at someone else’s expense. People who make sweeping statements about how different generations should live and always looking back and comparing our young lives to their lives is all pointless and confrontational, I dont want my kids or grandkids to live the same way as I did.... it’s called progress. Yes they’re snowflakes compared to us.... so DONT compare!!!
I recall a story my mother told me many times of when she and her younger brother were evacuated and billeted with a family who served them fried eggs every morning for breakfast. Mum recalled the eggs swimming in oil being underdone with the white still runny, and making them both heave. They were forced to eat these eggs with the usual rubbish justifications ‘ be grateful for what you get’ etc etc - fortunately my mum went to explain aged 12 to the local vicar that she was being sick every morning after breakfast and the eggs were changed for porridge. Really if you open your house up to volunteers you need to stipulate exactly what you are able to provide and whatever the organisation is it should do a proper matching of volunteers to bed and board providers. It’s a two way process that shouldn’t involve either party having to be force fed or be uncomfortable.
It's not being a snowflake to expect to be warm indoors, even in Scotland during the winter. I've visited Switzerland, Sweden & Russia during winters and it's always been comfortable indoors.
And a communal breakfast of only porridge - all sounds grim.
If gramaretto has been doing this for years, then I really think it must have been the young couple who were unreasonable. And for the people saying 'I wish I'd done something like this when I was younger', you can still do it! I started being a HelpX volunteer at the age of 60 and at 66 I'm still travelling and volunteering once or twice a year. I get so lonely at home, on my own in the winter especially, and I make it clear in my profile that I am retired, in fairly good health but not able to do heavy work and I get appropriate offers. I often teach English, cook, help with housework and laundry, and make wonderful friends.
Grammaretto I don’t eat fish or meat either;I am a vegetarian and don’t consider that I am a “fussy eater” . surely dietary needs were discussed before they arrived?
I also feel the cold and while we may know how cold it can get in Scotland maybe their perception of cold is different to yours. A friend of mine (we are both southerners) married a man from Aberdeen and went to live up there in the June following the marriage, she remarked that the locals were wearing tee shirts etc while she didn’t shed her winter coat all summer ?
janeainsworth. Those who work for us are no different and there are ways and means in getting over accommodation problems. Aren't we all capable of, regardless of nationality, in POLITELY discussing 'issues' of food and other vitals in our daily lives instead of 'complaining' what we expect /is expected.
I would think if they're working IN EXCHANGE for food & bed, than those two things have to be OK (or even more than OK) to compensate them. Was watching 'Grand Designs' where a guy's friends all came to stay to help build a house. The wife seems to have given them pretty good meals, beer etc to repay them...and rightly so. Certainly if I was getting free labour, then it would be slap up dinners every night (and I'd liaise with them first to make sure there were no dislikes.)
She's been doing this successfully for years. The fact that she posted this is a mark of her exasperation with these two. Apart from anything else Scotland in January is not for sissies!
I do find the younger generation fussy eaters or some of them. Maybe this isn’t the right thread but being around my grandsons much more than i ever used to be due to the sudden and tragic death of my DIL I have been amazed or should i say appalled at their eating habits. They totally live on junk and just want to eat sweets and chocolate. I instruct my son not to give them sweets or extra before meals in order to get some proper food down them but they won’t eat it. They won’t eat peas, carrots, cheese, eggs, tomatoes etc etc. They will eat spag bol and toast and one would love to eat nothing more than ham toasties all day. Their late mum didn’t like carrots or cheese either. I remember thinking she was a fussy eater when DS first used to bring her round for meals. I don’t know whether it’s genetics or learned behaviour. My sons have all ate well as did I but i worry about lack of vitamins. They won’t eat custard and the youngest won’t even eat pudding, only ice cream! Anyone else come across thus?
Sorry if i’ve gone off topic.
Thanks Jane10 at least you understand! I was letting off steam a bit but the relief I feel now that this pair have left makes up for my angst at being a less than perfect host.
There were a couple of last straws.
First when we offered beer with that last meal. They both opened their bottles and then he asked if it was lager because it was too sweet for his taste so he left it. It was the Glasgow brewery st mungo ale
The other thing I doubt I'd have been able to survive a month looking at, was her tunnel earlobes and his rings through his nose.
I hope I've not deterred anyone from being a host or a volunteer because honestly I have enjoyed meeting new people of all ages.
As for snowflake - ofcourse it's a generalisation but in general the younger ones are less prepared to rough it than their parents or grandparents generation did.
I was following another thread where we were all saying how much responsibility we had when we were young.
We call them 'snowflakes' they blame us 'baby boomers' for all their financial ills. Ain't life grand!
tickingbird I am deeply sorry about the circumstances but just to say I don't think bad eating habits are to do with your genes. I would say it's learned from a very early age.
One toddler we know pushes anything green to the side of her plate because her parents do.
On the bright side, I knew a child who lived on nothing but chips for a year with just an occasional burnt sausage and tomato ketchup.
He survived and thrived infact.
I would discourage the sweets though. A dentist might help there.
It doesn't sound great for anybody. A month of disliking each other, over the porridge.
You said they were volunteers, so I am a bit lost. Were they British or people from a warmer country perhaps?
If they came from abroad they probably did find a British home in winter horribly cold, and the food may have been strange or even something they for health or religious reasons couldn't eat.
I grew up in Scotland, but no-one from any other country in the world has any idea of how cold Scotland can be in the winter, so no they didn't expect to be cold, they expected a house with central heating, double glazing, no draughts and an indoor temperature of 22 degrees centigrade.
They were grown ups, as far as I can see, so if they didn't want porridge for breakfast that's their problem, not yours.
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