Any advice please

Really not sure about this Hildagard. I used to work with Pre-School children and this 'diagnoses' sounds more like an exasperated comment than something actually helpful. I think your daughter might need to seek more professional help. Its unusual for a developmental stage to be so at odds with the rest of a child's development. How is he in other areas? Speech, Social interaction, Physical co-ordination? I think you all need to ask a lot more questions.

Is he in mainstream school ?

Hildagard, in my experience, children with difficulties, such as you describe, were primarily referred to an educational psychologist and sometimes CAHMS.
I have never seen a child assessed by Social Services, who has the difficulties you describe.
Are you sure your daughter has given you all the relevant facts? As HildaW has said, that is a strange diagnosis to make.
It might be advisable to ask for more clarification.
I hope you get some answers.

Social Services do not go around doing assessments, they may give opinions but are not competent to say more.

lemongrove is quite correct. He may well have developmental or global delay but it would not have been social services doing the assessing.

Thanks I have a difficult relationship with DD and I think I always only get the bits of information she wants me to know.He is in a mainstream school and doing well,I think, but I do agree with the younger emotional age compared to my other younger grandson.

Hildagard Personally I would not be worrying about your little man if he is doing well at mainstream school,teachers would have mentioned something to mum if they had concerns,he may just be a sensitive child compared to others of his age,also I wouldn't compare him to your other grandchild as they all develop differently at stages don't you think.

Don’t worry boys emotional age is often younger than girls and can be stunted by things that happen in life I bet he catches up
Try not to worry

Thanks

If you have regular contact with GS then there are always some lovely books that explore emotional response in young children. I used to find certain subjects could be raised when doing bed-time stories. Subjects such as learning to share, coping with having an annoying sibling or a even a death in the family have been sensitively explored by all the good children's writers. Emotional response is not always instinctive its a broad subject that can be much enhanced by experiences.

HildaW sound advice, do you have the author of these books please

Children can vary enormously. We have a GS who is the same age. Academically gifted, football mad, sociable, no problems at school, but he has yet to sleep away from home without a parent. He won't do sleep-overs, stay with us, nothing unless his mother is there and he still has meltdowns over trivial issues.

His parents are not over protective and his sister has had no problems at all. He has had a succession of minor health problems, and is having tests and examinations at the moment, but he is rarely off school.

We just think that his mind is way ahead of his age and this may be at the expense of his emotional development, but he will get there in the end.

Hildagard, I am sure something similar is happening with your DGS. As you say your relationship with your daughter is delicate. Do you think she is over-simplifying and over-dramatising what she has been told? Yes, your DGS has behavioural problems, which could have many causes, not necessarily ADHD, autism or anything else like that, and whoever did the assessment commented that emotionally he is young for his age, which, as several have said, not uncommon in a boy, the assessors probably did not say that emotionally he is a toddler.

I am with Bluebelle, I am sure the problem will resolve itself and if he does need some extra support the school will put this in place.

Hildegard, I'm a bit out of the loop nowadays. I ran a Preschool about 20 years ago and no doubt books have changed but if you get a chance to browse a decent bookshop's children's section you will see plenty.

I am just wondering if there was a school meeting and Social Services were there with other care services, your daughter would have attended, with what you say you may not be getting the whole story. Try not to worry too much children develop at such different rates and at nine he may well be a little young for his age hence some of the behavioural problems.

I did wonder Hildagard, if your daughter had attended a joint support team meeting, where all those involved in your grandson's education, were present to discuss the results of any diagnostic assessments and how to best support him.
It is not uncommon for Social Services to be present at these meetings.
I suspect that your either your daughter has chosen not to tell you the full story or she has been so overwhelmed by the meeting that she didn't take in all that was been said.
In saying that, we always furnished parents with a copy of the minutes of these meetings.

Have seen DD and DGS today. More information he has had a Thrive test, this is something new led by school with SS involvement. Going to start reading up on it, loads of info online. Helped DGS with homework and DGD was not such a handful as normal. Hopefully things will now start to improve. Thanks for all your comments and support

Yes, I have dealt with this, and these days, joint assessments are more common. Whatever the agency and 'diagnosis', it seems helpful to think of your DGS as emotionally immature.
Think of it like this: at critical stages of development, children need to practice and work at their development. If they miss out for some reason, it is more difficult to 'catch up'. Think of a child who has an accident or illness at about 12-13 months - when they have recovered, it often takes them a long while to learn to walk, partly because they have missed a critical period of time (generalising and simplifying a bit).
Think of a child learning to control their emotions at the critical 'toddler tantrum' stage. If a parent is very ill, seriously distracted by their own problems, or there is a major disaster in the family - then the child may not get the help and guidance they need at this stage and it will take more time and patience.
I do know this is over-simplifying, but I hope it will help you to deal with him. But I would add that if you are caring for him, you need to be kept informed about the agnecies dealng with him and their suggestions.

Thank you so much Nannarose

One of the ploys we used to use with, albeit younger, children was to use their natural interest in something as a sort of 'way in'. Whether its Trains, Lego or Dinosaurs you find out what really fascinates them and use it to start conversations that lead somewhere. A trip to a Science museum can really engage some or a wild life park or a sports event. Its all about finding out what they enjoy and really listening to their opinions and thoughts. Good Luck.