Soop's super supportive kitchen (with a wing for poorly menfolk)

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The Amaryllis was a bulb at Christmas, and today...ta dah...

Dear Galen us lot are in agreement. Lucy was your daughter and you shared a special relationship. Whatever your decision regarding the funeral, it is your business and Veronicas, and the lady next door should learn to hold her tongue and show some compassion. Boy oh boy, aren't some folk insensitive.

We went walking surrounded by drifts of snowdrops. Here is an image to help to lift flagging spirits.

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Morning all ,

Sorry to hear things are fraught Galen , as many others have done , do what works for you. I have always felt that saying goodbye to a loved one does not have to be done in a formal funereal setting. So if it is your hearts desire to sit somewhere familiar and say goodbye then I think that's perfect.

Suggest to MrL Kitty that he will be eating one of said cushions if he's not careful. Men do not get extra pillows for show on a bed or cushions . Grampy has been warned more than once about scuffing up my good pillows :-)

Soop I admire your attitude immensely in regard to your current health issues . Having the grace and fortitude to face life head on with calmness is so rare. I hope all goes well and its something less than you fear .

Its raining cats and dogs here , Sam looked out but declined to go out for a wee. He'll wait!! Grampy looked out and is now engrossed in a jigsaw - he'll wait !! As for me , I have received my wool which I bought. I have a couple of knitted snoods but they can be too much all stuffed up round my neck so have decided to knit a scarf. I am already in love with my wool ( Ive posted a picture) , I shall post a picture when its finished.

Happy day all x

Galen You must do whatever is the right thing for you. Those who don't agree with your decision should keep their thoughts in their heads (to quote my daughter!). Nobody, but nobody can know how you feel as we are all so different. Keep strong and grieve in your own way.

There are two family funerals coming up. We agonised for what felt like hours before concluding we can’t atrend either. Distance, travel difficulties, our health and timing make it more than foolish to try. We’ll say goodbye at the same time but in a different place. A hard decision but the right one.

Galen a sad a difficult time for you.
My sister's mother in law died a couple years ago. The daughter had been over from Australia to visit her terminally ill mother, but as she had a young daughter at school, she had to return home. Her mother sadly died a few days later.
She was unable to return for the funeral.
It was arranged that at the time of the funeral the daughter and grandchildren would go to a favourite bay of the mother and father and just be alone with their thoughts and prayers before putting flowers the sea.
It was also a humanist funeral and the words of the daughter and grandchildren were read out here and in Australia.

Not sure if you would have a special place Galen but it was just a thought

Would you like me to have a private word with Mr. Lester? I promise he will never mention another cushion again and in future will leave all decoration to yourself without any interfence, manually or verbally. It is all part of the service.

Mr Lester has a bed reserved.

I was just going to say exactly that GG13. My next door neighbour was in hospital at the time of her mother's funeral and was able to be part of it. Modern technology is a wonderful thing - sometimes!

Soop, I have popped in to wish you well. I hope I haven't missed you. You are one of the kindest people I have ever 'met' even though you say 'bad' words sometimes and you know we all send our love with you.

Is there room in the 'wing' for my DH - please!!!!! We are redoing the playroom (!!) and all was going so well until it came to cushions. DH wonders why we need them, if we must have them, why so many, why not all the same colour with no patterns, why this shape not that shape. If you could just keep him till I've chosen what I think goes and then let him out again, he won't notice and I won't feel the need to bop him on the head with said cushions.

Our friend was stuck in China a few years ago and was unable to get back for his Fathers funeral, the crematorium has facilities to put it on the Internet for him to see/ follow

Galen have a chat with the celebrant over the phone and see if the service can be recorded for you. I have no idea if it is possible but there is no harm in asking.

Galen you have to do what you are comfortable with and remember Lucy in your own way ??

For all you lovely Kitcheners who are feeling pain

Galen your neighbour sounds a very insensitive bitter woman and best ignored.
Of course you are down you are feeling helpless in a hopeless situation. Take comfort from the fact that you could not have lessened Lucy’s suffering and she is now at peace.
I am afraid I am not a great believer in funerals as they are for those left behind and they can cause great sorrow. If you feel it would be a comfort to go then you must, but if you are just going because you feel you should then stay at home and reflect on your beloved child. If anyone judges you for doing this they are in the wrong not you.
My thoughts are with you I cannot imagine the pain you are feeling

Good suggestion re the driver, iam64.

Galen I think people like your neighbour who try to make others feel guilty with their comments are either jealous, or projecting their own guilt. Perhaps your neighbour envies your intelligence and your professional background.
You did what you could for Lucy and no one could have done more - some people, very sadly, are beyond help.
I can understand that not being able be present at the funeral is adding to your distress & grief.
But can you feel that you will be there in spirit?
Thinking of you x

soop - sending positive thoughts x

galen, I hope this comment isn't insensitive but your neighbour sounds rather shallow and judgemental. To suggest a parent could 'talk sense' to an adult child living with the kind of m.h. problems Lucy had is at the very least insensitive and ill informed.
Its good to read that you and V are making plans for the funeral. Of course, you don't have to be physically present if that isn't possible. Could you hire a driver with an adapted vehicle to make the journey easier.
The kitchen isn't somewhere I post often but it does a lot to restore my faith in the kindness of others on this forum.

Galen do just what you feel you can do.
Dont be pressured into going to the funeral.
You can quietly remember Lucy at home on the day of the funeral and reflect on happier times.
soop your attitude about the possible cancer is very much the same as mine was.
Instead of saying "why me" I thought , well if one in 10 women are diagnosed with it, why not me.
I can give you and anyone else some positive advice, the older you are, the better arethe chances of a complete cure.
Our bodies are slowing in every aspect and that is good .
Nothing grows fast or spreads. However I still hope your news is good. You know we will all be thinking of you and Dragonfly

Illness is no excuse for that level of insensitivity galen. Hope the (restrained I thought) rant helped just a bit.

I’m not sure how you would get to Lucy’s funeral. If you could manage it please make it clear the journey must be at your pace. Could the ‘afterwards’ be somewhere with a quiet, accessible room you could rest in? I’m so sorry, of course you’re feeling down. Why wouldn’t you be?

I feel my words are inept, apologies, my heart goes out to you.

I’m in awe of your calm dignity soop. My love to you both.

I sent a short pm to panache recently, no response as yet. I’ll be sure to let you all know if I do hear from her. The silence is concerning me.

She should perhaps walk a mile in your shoes Galen.
For the Derbyshire gals, anyone been to the Packhorse in Monsal Dale? Great lunch after Curber. The pub is very reminiscent of my younger days

She’s terminally ill herself. She’s always gone on about how she didn’t work until I her girls were at school. And tried to make me feel guilty about about employing nannies.

Galen your neighbour next door sounds like one of the people who thinks that all those with mental health problems should just “pull their socks up” and get over it. You can’t make people do things that they don’t want to do. From what you have said I doubt your going to see Lucy would have made any difference at all.
It was an unhelpful thing to say to you at a time when you need support. Rant away. Sorry you’ve been upset.

Sorry for long rant, but feeling very down

Well, V has decided with my agreement, that Lucy’s funeral will be a simple humanist cremation in Cambridge. She thinks I ought to go, although how I’m going to manage the 5hour round trip, I don’t know!
We have to wait on coroners permission etc.
I’m dreading the idea.
I would have to have frequent breaks because of my back, and I really do not want to go to a local pub for drinks after.
Anne next door has upset me as well, by saying if it had been her child , she’d have been going down to Cambridge to talk sense to her.this is not taking account of the fact I couldn’t have got up the steps to her flat
Also Lucy was offered treatment and counselling all of which she refused as she said her bipolar was “progressive and untreatable and any treatment made it worse”
She just wanted to die!

Evening all! I’ve been keeping an eye on kitchen happenings from a distance. Slightly concerned about this talk of balcony bras in the poorly wing and am glad my old boy is safely at home - he’s led a sheltered life and could be very easily led astray!

There have been some beautiful photos around. I’m a bit frustrated that circumstances and my dodgy knee have conspired against me being in the right time at the right place to get any decent photos myself. So I’ve really enjoyed seeing everyone else’s photos!

Thinking of you especially soop, in the midst of potentially serious health issues you’re still thinking of the littlies in the family and sorting out exciting gifts for them. You truly are a remarkable person!

Nice to hear the various peak district tales. It’s not an area I know that well but we have been a couple of times when staying with dd1 to a spot they call “hop on a rock”. Lovely views and many climbing opportunities for small children. Good to hear that Mr gd is gradually improving. Zombie or not it’s certainly progress. Yes I’ve been wondering too about the Panaches I do hope things haven’t gone down hill for them both. But I get the feeling they are rather private people so it may just be that she doesn’t want to say too much if things are really difficult for them again.

We’ve enjoyed an overnight stay with dd4, it’s always good to catch up with her. She never ceases to amaze me with her skill and competence in so many areas, not least driving with such confident ease around Manchester City centre and it’s outskirts. Me? I’m a self confessed wimp behind the wheel of a car!

Well no doubt there are those I’ve failed to remember, sorry if it was you... it’s never a good idea to stay away for more than a day as things move on very quickly in the kitchen! Wishing you all what I wish for myself - a restful and refreshing nights sleep. Especially those with family worries or health concerns, I know only too well how these things magnify and grow in the darkness of the wee small hours. x