Always look on the bright side of life....???

But if we have learnt them before our 70s we had all these powers long before we reach 70 so there is nothing special about having them in our 70s

I suppose the contrary argument would be that we have in some way become less emotional and less affected by major events like deaths and funerals. I am not saying that this is true, just that this idea that we walk out of a friend's funeral and are immediately conscious of the smell or snowflakes could give the idea that we are less emotionally involved. I think being strong and coping takes much longer and is a much more complicated affair.

That was exactly my point too ?

I agree anja.
monica I think the author isn’t saying we learn those lessons in our 70s. I think she’s saying exactly what you said - that we’ve learned them by the time we teach our 70’s, and that we become empowered as a result.

Thank you for the link Jane this article really resonated with me and I look forward to reading the book. She describes exactly how I feel at 70. Resilient, confident and content with my life despite recently being widowed. Resilience being the key word. I can choose to live in grief or embrace my new life. I choose the latter while never forgetting the life I had.

Maybe some women have always felt comfortable with themselves but for those of us who haven't this grows as we age culminating in a quiet resolution of who we are at sometime in our later years. For me it is now.

Perhaps it's up to us to redefine the genre!

Actually Anja I think it is the opposite. If you have gone through difficulties in life you have learnt many of these '70' lessons, long before you reach your 70s.

Possibly jane those of us who’ve come through much in life and are still standing can relate more closely with your post.

I regularly Skype with a friend in New York and by coincidence, on Sunday, we were talking about the American stereotypes of older women.

They are, to put it bluntly, regarded as the writer states.

At best, totally disregarded as is anyone over 40. 'Try and get a job here if you're over 45 and you'll be wasting your time' she told me.
The perils of having a HUGE population where skills and experience are regarded less than status, money and appearance.

Of course, it's her opinion only but she's a native New Yorker and despite that, a very upbeat person so I accept she's telling the truth.

I, on the other hand, am part of a culture where old age is valued, respected and actually sought out to be a useful part of all aspects of life.

I do not deny that some parents/people are highly controlling and families become estranged because of that, but most families rub along with each other and many get on very well indeed.

The perception of grandmothersin this country is still that we are either roundy-come-roundies with a silver perm, who give their DGC too many sweets or that we are demented, technology averse and a drain on resources, some what different. And all entirely incorrect.

My biggest worry is that while we need to be conscious of, and seek to assist those elderly people who do suffer from loneliness and depression, the vast majority of older people in this country are reasonably fit, and well, and are busy with social activities, family life and provide the majority of volunteer helpers that the country is so dependent on to fill the deficiencies of the public sector. This positive picture of the many is being overwhelmed by constantly talking about the smaller proportion who are in need.

Monica I think you have to bear in mind the article was written by an American author, but even so, we learn on other threads how many grandparents (it seems to be predominantly grandmothers) are excluded from their adult children's and grandchildren's lives, often because of a perception of being too controlling and wanting to bossily dictate to their DiL's (usually) how things should be done.
There is a website called Scarymommy which is full of articles whingeing, amongst many other things, about unhelpful and interfering mothers-in-law, though that perhaps says more about some of the present generation of young mothers, and their access to social media.
I think there is (often undiagnosed and untreated) depression amongst older people, precipitated by loneliness and feelings of isolation, and perhaps the highlighting of this over the last couple of years has perhaps ironically reinforced the stereotype of unhappiness in older people.

jane I do not object to the negative stereotyping I just doubt that the specific stereotype she describes exists.
they (older women) didn’t act or feel like the cultural stereotypes of women their age. Old meant bossy, useless, unhappy and in the way.

'In the way', possibly (think Brexit) but bossy, useless, unhappy?

The rest, some has come to me during life, but did not wait until my 70s to happen (see previous email), some things I never worried about in the first place.

Thank you anja and dragonfly for your comments. I too thought the article was positive, celebrating the strength and resilience of older women who have learned to live with life’s sadnesses and losses, while at the same time appreciating what life still has to offer, and being grateful for, and content with, what one has.

Monica You say the author ‘lost you’ in the first paragraph, because you object to the negative stereotyping of older people which she describes.
I thought that the author was attempting to refute such ideas, and present a more positive view of later life, the equanimity and wisdom which comes after a lifetime of experience.

Cherrytree, I am the same, it is events not the passing of time that causes changes and reassessments

Going to university at 18. Going somewhere where no-one knew anything about my difficult childhood beset by medical problems finally sorted out before I left school. It was like a new birth, a new world, where I could start again

My sister's death when I was in my late 40s, not premonitions of mortality, but realising how trivial the ordinary problems of every day life were compared with the loss of her. It made me relaxed and philosophical.

I hit 60 in a few months
I have just started to think of it about it over the last couple of weeks

When I go from the 50s into the 60s am I old, elderly, what?
We can longer be defined by an 'old age pension' or a bus pass.

I would like to overlook what is now referred to as big birthday and carry on with what usually happens on or around my birthday....
Bouncing with my grandchildren on a bouncy castle in our garden and running around with water pistols while everyone screams with laughter.

I think M0nica
and Paddyann are close to how I feel at the moment.
As dragonfly said the simple pleasures are what brings a smile or uplifts the spirit.☀

In my mind it is not my age and moving into new decade that has change me that happened when my father died in 2015 and I became the oldest generation.
And in 2013 when we added a new generation our family tree.
I felt the sands of time.....

I just found it a load of psycho-bollocks. I don't feel any different to how I felt when I was younger. There are good days, the joy of grandchildren, and bad days, a friend's daughter who grew up with my kids is diagnosed with cancer. The good days are just as much fun as they always have been, the dark days just as depressing. It's nothing to do with age, although it seems to be very fashionable to want it to be!

Old is a function of age, not of feeling or being. It is a chronological fact of life. How many years since you were born. Given a life span of 90. 0-29 is young, 30-59 is middle age, 60 plus is old. I am well over 60 so I am old. Why are people afraid of admitting a fact of life. If you are over 60, chronologically you are old.

Anja I did not see the article as positive or negative. I just found it to be an article with no resonances for me

At almost 65 I have no intention of being "old" .As far as I'm concerned its a state of mind and you can think yourself into being old.By having a closed mind,refusing to accept change ,treating anyone younger as having no sense or opinions of worth.
We've all met that type I'm sure ,there are even some on here .If you can keep your mind active as well as your body and enjoy new things every day...even just new music I think you stay younger longer.

Pessimists are rarely content!

Resonated with me. Even when I am feeling particularly sad, like last night, I know it will pass. I know if I had been diagnosed with cancer at a younger age I would have been terrified - now I am philosophical. I have had, on the whole, a happy life but now feel blessed that I do not have to do anything I do not want to nor do I care about the insignificant things that do not matter. I can take simple pleasure in a sunny day such as today and not wish I could visit the far reaches of the world.

It is not about pessimism or optimism it is about contentment.

Actually Jane’s header says it all. Really this is nothing to do with ageing....it’s that some people are born pessimists and others optimists.

As we walk out of a friend’s funeral, we can smell wood smoke in the air and taste snowflakes on our tongues
I lost it here.

I also saw it as very positive rather than negative.

Strange Monica because I felt exactly the opposite. It resonated with me.

It is an interesting article, but whenever I read articles like this I feel it is being written about some alien being that I just do not recognise. It certainly holds no resonances for me.

I am 75, slap bang in the middle of my 70s, but I actually have no sense of being that age anymore now than I had a sense of age when I was in my teens, 30s, 50s, and 70's and every age in between.

I am whom I am, and internally, I have no age, old or young. Physically, yes, my body is older and less efficient than at younger ages, but that is all.

The author lost me in the first para.
When I told my friends I was writing a book on older women like us, they immediately protested, “I am not old.” What they meant was that they didn’t act or feel like the cultural stereotypes of women their age. Old meant bossy, useless, unhappy and in the way. Our country’s ideas about old women are so toxic that almost no one, no matter her age, will admit she is old.

I have been aware - and admitted - I am 'old' since I hit 60, but I have never had the negative assumptions of old age the author assumes. There are negative attitudes to age by younger people - there always has been, but toxic? I would say attitudes to aging are improving compared with 25 or 50 years ago, changes coming from the active feminism that means we now see more and more older women in fashion ads, more in senior positions. Not perfect by a long shot but improving.

I could keep on but with every paragraph. I felt less and less connection with the article.