Veni et ego profectus sum rumpitur

Perhaps it was an inside job, to get more ‘footfall’ / more advertising interest?
(If that doesn’t get GNHQ here soon......)
Drums fingers, waits to be shot at dawn.......

I have just popped back to this thread and very surprised that GNHQ has not commented???

I'll admit to having been very confused by some of the recent threads. I have had a house full of visitors so was only able to occasionally dot in and out. I'm not hugely au fait with who everyone is on GN, which made it even more puzzling as to what was going on.

It really wasn't very edifying, I'm sorry for those who were on the receiving end of abuse and I hope HQ can rethink the 'rules'.

Hear, Hear Maw
Good post, Izabella

GNHQ

I agree with everyone. I was ill over a lot of Christmas and posted little, but when I did lurk on the periphery was greatly concerned at goings on, and also concerned for some posters being treated in an offensive manner. I am toying with the idea of going altogether but have received some good support and advice from other posters over time.

So where do we go from here is the pertinent question? I respectfully suggest that HQ call a team meeting amongst themselves and enter into a period of what professionals often call reflective practice. Their agenda should discuss the current situation and identify what has led to a mass of discontent amongst gransnetters. Then identify what went wrong and the role of HQ in that process. Only after honest soul searching can they then identify the factors responsible and move on towards positive change, to the benefit of all.

Equally importantly is feedback to posters from HQ telling us all what steps are being taken and giving a time frame for a response. Gransnetters are not the oft perceived little old ladies sitting at home struggling with IT. Many were/are top professionals in many different fields. We have great experts in family issues, parenting, finance, social work, the medical world and so on. Some of us have been game changers in medical research and the advance of science. And I DO naturally include those with no recognised qualifications - they are often the wisest.

Time for a shake up and if I now get deleted so be it!!

I agree 100% with your post Mammissimo

I was on a thread whereby another poster was hellbent on goading me into losing it with her. In the past I would have ignored this and moved on. No matter what polite response I gave her, she was like a dog with a bone, just wouldn’t give up. Not until I politely suggested we end this exchange and respect each other’s views, did she stop.

I may add, no one else on the thread found my view unacceptable so I was quite surprised when a prolific poster started to nit pick at my view, which others shared.

I'm a newbie and over Christmas started to wonder if this was how Gransnet had always been and I'd just missed the horrid threads in the weeks since I'd joined.

Thanks to some comments on other threads and now this very helpful and reassuring thread, I know Gransnet is, as I hoped, a friendly, helpful place to be.

I am surprised that GNHQ deletes posts from knowledgeable members alerting others to toxic threads while leaving the toxic threads/posters untouched. Most odd and disquieting.

Like others upthread, I enjoy posts from those who have differing views to mine but are polite and calm about it. We all have our opinions, not right, not wrong, just different.

Just stay clear of the rumpity-pumpity -tur!

I tend to steer clear of these sort of threads - or make one contribution, then recognise that the OP is simply not listening, and waste no more energy on it.

I think disagreements are healthy, but not for their own sake. annie and I have lively differences of opinion and that is interesting and healthy - but being unpleasant is not acceptable.

To be ignored I think.

The forbidden garment is the "onesie". Many spoof threads were started, ostensibly discussing the merits or otherwise of the garment.
Some posters thought that by mentioning it they were flagging up a suspect thread to those 'in the know', while avoiding mentioning trolling.
GN does not allow troll-spotting and now also delete posts which reference "onesies".
I didn't use this ploy as I'd rather discuss the censorship issue openly.
Not criticising those who thought it was a useful device. It was worth a try and was successful in attracting GN's attention but so far hasn't achieved any more. It also confused newer posters.

Maw, I noticed too over. Christmas how nasty GN had become, I was quite shocked at some of the argumentative vitriolic comments , Where did that come from !Someone bored , had too many sherries, hopefully they have gone away and GN can go back to the friendly forum it was,

Have to agree about some of the threads over the Christmas period. I don't understand why people do it. Are their lives so empty and devoid of interest that the only thing they can do for entertainment is attempt to upset others?

Flagging up a message to other posters via the 'forbidden' garment is a way of, not only alerting others, but a way of ??? to see if others feel the same before reporting it.

I must have missed something, what is the 'forbidden' garment?

I recieved a lot of abuse, intimidation and humiliation when I posted about the system here for a knee replacement op.
I have it done on Wednesday and have chosen the Hospital where I will go after the op for rehabilitation. I am very depressed at the moment and having really bad thoughts about the op.
I would have liked to have posted for some moral support but was afraid to do so.

I agree. There is someone on here whose views on religion and politics are diametrically opposed to mine, but she is respectful and considerate and kind, and I like to think of her as a virtual friend. The key is respect, I think.
I‘m perplexed by the references to onesies!

. Even if it looks as though a person has brought everything on themselves and asks us if we think they are in the wrong, they rarely want to be told yes; in reality they may be feeling fragile, and being told too bluntly that their problem it is all their fault, can destroy them

I could not agree more starbird but this has not usually been the case (I was paraphrasing when I said they are told “YABU”) and initial responses are usually kind and patient. When that patience is countered with instant possibility defensive hostility it is hard. Why are people so touchy though? Their response can cause as much hurt and damage too - and it is sometimes hard to see it as anything other than deliberate.

There's nothing worse and more damaging to the soul than being abused online.
I came onto this site by way of respite from years of abuse by those whose views differed from my own and who'd thought it their right to involve others to gang up on me.
I am a strong person and stuck to my beliefs regardless, telling myself that I'll overcome the abuse and insults as the actual subject was/is one of interest to me so I battled on.

There is only so much that you can take and August last year,I walked away. I did note that the abusers on both forums involved, also disappeared ! So their only reason to be there was to insult,abuse and belittle. The owner of one of the forums is--------an ex-police officer ! who seemingly condoned this behaviour and at times found the whole thing amusing as he too joined in.

Because of this behaviour on the forum that I frequented, all the best posters started to leave, at the same time pm'ing myself at their disgust of the way I was treated. I keep in touch with 4 members who've left the forum which I'd been a member for over 6 years. This other forum which is set up is purely for abuse and insults when anyone sees my posts. It's just so disgusting as I enjoyed the discussions by those who were more educated and knowledgeable such as a barrister who was backing me during those nasty " taunts ".

I agree alao.

However, I do think that occasionally even a few old hands, myself included, could choose our words more carefully. Even if it looks as though a person has brought everything on themselves and asks us if we think they are in the wrong, they rarely want to be told yes; in reality they may be feeling fragile, and being told too bluntly that their problem it is all their fault, can destroy them. As few, if any, of us are trained counsellors we could potentially do a lot of harm. Having said that, I am often humbled by the kindness and wisdom I see on these pages.

I agree with all of the above comments.

I was deleted because I referred to "windy weather" as a warning about a fake thread.

I have only been on Gransnet for a few months and have to admit to NOT reading every post but I did sense a change over the festive period. Seeing names I had never seen before, reading threads that made me feel quite uncomfortable and disappointed with the nature of the post. Felt sometimes these people were on just to cause an unsettlement amongst true Gransnetters. I would do
as Marydoll quietly suggested and hopefully we will all return to peace, tranquility and humour.

I am new on here, I found you when I googled something I was bothered about.

I admit I was "scared" about contributing to anything reading some of the posts. I did use another forum when in business and some of the posters on here (who now appear to have been and gone) reminded me so much of people on there, their style of posting was almost identical. I was almost convinced it could be them.

Some personal posts worried me and now someone has said about gathering information, I can see that now.

I think you are all lovely, helpful people, and I have found a lot of information here very useful indeed, it is good to realise when you are struggling with something you are not alone. There is a lot of humour in the mix, that is so good to read.

I won’t give them oxygen. I’ve noticed that, as in real life, if people looking to stir get an answer they don’t leave it there, they keep digging, even being contrary, just to see how far they can push. Once they score a hit by making someone cross they then turn victim. It’s goading or low level bullying to try to get someone else into trouble.

Whatever happened to ‘if you can’t say anything nice don’t say anything at all’!

One of my concerns is how quickly an OP can become hostile and abusive when there is even a whisper of challenge or that “ maybe YABU” even ordering people not to post on “their” thread as has happened to me more than once.

Squiffy that's actually my real concern - that GNHQ insist that the only way to deal with those posts is by reporting and then leaving all decisions to the moderators. A revision of the guidelines (with genuine input from members) might go some way to changing the attitude that only the 'grown-ups' can deal with problems while the 'children' are asked to play nicely!

mcem I agree with everything in your post. Those of us, who've been on here for years, can often sense when a OP doesn't seem right. Flagging up a message to other posters via the 'forbidden' garment is a way of, not only alerting others, but a way of ??? to see if others feel the same before reporting it.

I think it's a good filtering system, otherwise we'd possibly be contacting HQ right, left and centre over posts we weren't sure about!