Argy Bargy madness, come right in! ??

Ah, dear Soop so nice to see you again ( rubs hands gleefully) we have been sorely missing your home baked goodies here. I have a list!
Haggis pasties ( six dozen)
Highland toffee and coffee cake ( as many as you can make...it goes well with George’s Nespresso)
Your own rock cakes (100) ...we use them for ammo on disruptive punters.
Quiche ( not sure what’s in ‘em but they make our customers have a raging thirst) about 20 will do.
Think you can do this by Monday???

Marydoll At heart you are a good girl. That randy Father Christmas took advantage of you. Should we meet again in Edinburgh...I propose chaperoning him you. That phantom pregnancy didn't really happen. As for what went on in the broom cupboard

We are indeed Doodle, no-one messes with the mean dream team. ??

chewy and marydoll. Welcome back. We have missed you so much (ingratiating smile plastered on face ? ). Do come and sit at the bar and I’ll get you a pint of how’s yer father.

(lemon lemon!! Quick wake up they’re back ?).
marydoll’s been in Balmoral with bigBoris sorting out Brexit I think ? anyway she’s back with all guns blazing.
grumpygravy you’d better get home while you can. It’s going to be an expensive night.

Marydoll McTavish you most definitely were NOT pregnant! You know full well that you'd had too many Irn Bru and Peppermint cocktails and you should have waited before you went on the waltzers with that old lag Captain Whateverhescallinghimselfthesedays. You know you get gassy on Iran Bru!

Chief of the Defence Staff? He got lost going round Stamford Park boating lake!

Marydoll good to see you back, if you come across “Grumpy Gravy” be gentle, he can be very protective in the “wallet area”.

Need to slip back home, apparently I am on “Granny duty” hope the ankle biters are asleep as I have a pint of poteen to finish ???

Right, my ears are burning! Some one has been casting aspertions on my unblemished character.
I hear that Chewy ( one of the founding members of the Argy) is out of the clink, so I suspect that she and that Orangegrove are plotting to oust me as Chief Doll in the Caff!?

As for the Admiral, he is now, Chief of the Defence Staff, I will have you know! I have been very busy on a wee holiday at Barlinnie Balmoral, with some really classy folk.
I bumped into BigBoris there. I wasn't impressed!

Who are all these interlopers in the Argy? I turn my back and we are invaded by Riff Raff.
I left Big Jim in charge and he has disappeared.? After all I have done for you lot, you betray me by lowering the tone of this classy joint.

I have been in hiding from Soop since the phantom pregnancy debacle.? She is the only one who knows the truth about Edinburgh.?
I genuinely thought I was expecting duodectuplets?

By the way, Limegrove, I'm not in Italy yet, (not until next week), as I can't find the key to the petty cash box to get my air fare.
Note to the riff Raff newcomers, be afraid, be very afraid,
That includes you Chewing tobacco )!

Marydoll is back! ( With a vengeance?)

okay Lem, keep pretending you don't know, good girl, just keep your hands in yr pockets. Lov ya, Big Bruce xxxx

I’d be content with even a small hello these days.

Hmmmm, do you think Big Bruce is writing in some sort of code??
The only feathers round here are on the parrots, and have no recollection of a possum ( although ?I do remember the sandpaper....vaguely.)

Ooh how exciting ?. I always love a big hello ?

Lemon, penulty postcard from the convicts men from Oz, alleged cricket team.
Say you need your feathers and possum polished for next weeks 'game'.

Still want you as their mascot. Extra message, don't forget the sandpaper this time. You won't need the pole but is it ok all back to your place for afties? Pork scratchings a at The Argy. Big kiss to you from Big Bruce x Sending Doodle a big hello also???

Crickets? well we probably have those too, but I did mean cricketers.I hope the Aussie Captain returns, my word he was a stunner.

Croc Teeth lager is out of stock Chewy....no, not Brexit it’s all those Aussie crickets that Carillion sent round here, they have drunk us dry whilst singing ( hollering) ‘The Pub With No Beer’ then they staggered off to The Rat and Pie down the road.
However, there is the usual Old Dark Hobgoblin, plus two guest ales: Hells Bells and Froome Firethroat, I can recommend both of them, a pint of each perhaps?

By the way, how do you like my new wig? A bit unusual I know, but I do like a change.?

I believe Marydoll has gone off to Italy ( again!) this time with Trev.Poor Thor has to man the bar all by himself, although Grumpy Gravy has been invaluable today....scrubbing, tapping Big Jim’s pipes in the cellar, and giving Thor some relief behind the bar, such a worker, we may have to keep him GG13 would you keep Jude in exchange?

Now then, now then, now then she said, rocking back on her heels whatever's been going on in 'ere then? I've been away at her majesty's pleasure eating porridge for a few months and heard there's been a change of management. I'm on parole so can't stop long, or get involved in any criminality-- bloody difficult in 'ere with the clientele it attracts--, but I'll have a swift half of Crocodile Teeth lager. And make it snappy!

And where's that hussy Marydoll? She still moping around after her rear admiral?

Any news on Grumpy Gravy???

Just returned from the local curry house......nicked some individually wrapped chocolates, a couple of wine glasses and a portion of prawn vindaloo!! (Sorry only had my small handbag “a Louis Vuitton” picked up in Turkey they said it was “proper”)

I want one of those hip flasks!
Any chance you can pop back to B&M tomorrow?
My old hip flask is covered in ferret fur and is a bit too warm this weather, like having a sporran down your cleavage.

Who Frogmella??

Is it too early for Gin, well Prosecco, but i bought a load of tat today.
A hip flask from B&M shiny as hell "There's a chance this is Gin" with silver glitter covering which is coming off.

Can't get away with blaming gd as only 10 months old. Although frogmella smokes.

Ssssssh Doodle ....I admit that I did smuggle the flutes out of Soop’s kitchen ( they were all busy yakking) and I may have
Slipped a walnut cake into my capacious bag on the way out.
Yum.

Ah, the dreaded school hols ( for parents and grandparents)
I always bring the DGC to work with me, what better way to earn a shilling or two than cleaning the loos here in the bar, or handing out leaflets to passers by.When they have earned their cash they pay half to me for their Argy Bargy dinners
( don’t ask!) and then are free to spend the rest in our jukebox or fruit machine.I know, I spoil them really.?

romaroot nothing in the Argy is serious. It is all, as lemon says, piffle. Our piffle.
lemon where did you pinch those champagne flutes from in your previous post. You’ve been to the opening of a new Kitchen again haven’t you? I’m amazed soop lets you in but she’s a kind hearted soul (did you pinch any cakes while you were there?).

Ha ha, thanks for the welcome, I went to bed after posting, I'm usually up a bit later.
Not sure if serious but never been in prison if it is serious.
If not, as you were.
I still have a teen back to school next week, so hopefully will have more time and money as she's skinned me this holiday.