Argy Bargy madness, come right in! ??

Evening Buffy. Pour us a Cherry B, with a pint of mild chaser. I bought some new patent leather thigh-high boots today, with 4" heels, because the weather forecasters keep telling me it's going to snow. I am sure they'll be serviceable and just the job for a harsh winter.

It's a bit worrying the way Diego, Maureese, Thor and Big Jim keep admiring their reflection in them however! They are positively preening!

Hmmm. Could they be "up-skirting", the dirty devils???? I'll have none of that, but you know how desperate they are. Hah! I know my wobbly voluptuous thighs are irresistable, but I had the good sense to wear knee length lycra cycling shorts under my skirt, and pulled a pair of fleecy bloomers over them, given the weather warning. Not only that I sat on one of those stale pies we bought ages ago from Soops kitchen - it had been left on the bar stool, and it's made a bit of a mess. It's not good up there right now, but the ferrets keep running up my legs for crumbs. Hope they don't scratch the new boots..

Actually, given the weather, I'll have a double Snowball with a jar of maraschino cherries on the side.

Pint of Cherry B with a mild chaser and a Double Snowball/maraschino concoction coming up Day!
Admiring your new shiney boots, just the job for this weather!
I think "the boys" are trying to "up skirt" you, I'll give them a slap! ? apart from Diego, who is just helpfully polishing them for you.

I've got Trevor and Thor tidying around and Diego serving behind the bar.
He's such a charmer and will bring in the punters, with his Spanish eyes and sparkling white teeth. I'll let him keep his tee shirt on tonight as it's a bit nippy.
He might entice our regulars to make an appearance. ?

Buffy you do know that Diego is a ferret right?He does have nice white teeth ( a bit on the sharp side) and it was me that put him in a tee shirt....I have been clothing our ferrets for months now, they like it, but putting him behind the bar
Is a bit dangerous, and he will chew through anything ( even Soop’s rock cakes.)

Diego is a ferret??????????????
I've just kicked him down the cellar with the other little blighters.
Someone oil Trev and Thor's chests quick!
And get them back behind the bar.
I need a pint of Drambuie with a slice of Lemon to calm the nerves!!!!

You’re not slicing me!
I don’t know how you smuggled Diego in through customs,in your suitcase?
I do wish you woukd stop oiling the barmen, they’re slippery customers as it is.
Anyone seen the Admiral?

I gave the Customs men a wink and a promise.......of a good night at the Argy.
We need some of our "lovely ladies" to turn up as I told them they would be astounded at the bevvy of beauty, here in the Argy Bargy.
Luckily, Day has made the effort and looks amazing in her patent thigh high boots and I'm going to pop my black rubber frock on.

Thanks Buffy. One of tonight's punters made a remark about me which I couldn't quite hear. He said I looked "aw......" . When I grabbed him by the lapels and growledwhispered in his ear to encourage him to finish his sentence, he agreed that I looked awesome. I knew it. He even bought me a triple brandy before he fled from left the Argy.

It's very quiet in here this evening. Trev has had time to oil himself up with stale chip fat. Things are looking up.

Marydoll don't smoke your pipe near Trev as he might deep fry

It's what's in Marydoll's pipe that I'm worried about.
Thank goodness the Customs Men had left before she "sparked it up", all that funny smelling smoke bellowing out would have given the game away and now look at her, with her hair like a bird's nest and her eyes spinning, sprawled all over the comfy chair.
Still, her Belly Dancing had them all enthralled last night and she's got a few fivers still tucked in her waistband, I'll stick it in the till, her bar bill is sky high.

Pass me Marydoll’s birdnest hair Buffy ( does the woman ever comb that ginger wig?) I’m putting a load in the washing machine so I’ll throw it in, it needs a good dip in Daz by the look of it.She will still be on cloud nine with her whacky baccy and not notice it’s missing, but just in case will you stick one of those dozing ferrets on her noggin.
Thanks, and when you’re ready I will have a half of rhubarb gin, hold the tonic.

Why are my ears burning???? Is someone gossiping about me?

Why is my head so warm, itchy and smelly??

WHERE IS MY WIG???????? ?

A pint of Rhubarb Gin Lemon! To keep out the cold....
Marydoll has come round and is not happy with Diego clinging to her noggin and her pipe has burnt a big hole through her vest.
"Don't worry Marydoll your wig is in safe hands, we'll soon have it back on your bonce."
Here have a pint of Olde Black Tar, that should sort you out.
Oh no!!!!!!
The Admiral has arrived to take you out for lunch! What are you going to do about your head?

Thank goodness we managed to get Marydoll's wig back on her noggin, even if it was still wet and running down her mascara.
The Admiral was already "three sheets to the wind", so he didn't seem to notice.
The Argy is sparkling clean, I have had Trevor and Thor sprucing the place up all day, while I did the loo's.
Happy hour - Two for the price of one, is going down a storm and folks are having a great old time.
No regulars yet but there's plenty of time for them to turn up.
I'll just sit here with my two Mulled Poteens, I've wore my thermal vest under my boob tube and draped Diego over my shoulders to keep off the cold.

Right you lot. I’ve been away for a while recovering from my clean up stint in the cellar (thanks marydoll ?) I will be back in the Argy tomorrow and expect a large poteen to be waiting for me on an immaculate bar attended by some handsome young men... not a dressed up ferret!

Oh Doodle, are you sure you can't stay for the one?
Are you sure?
Never mind I'll make you a Poteen -to-go and we'll see you tomorrow.

Does the two for the price of one offer mean I can take home Trev AND Thor?

So that's where they've been these last few nights and it explains why they can hardly keep their eyes open behind the bar these days.

Did you all miss me? I have been on a cut price holiday to Spain with Big Jim!
Cor, what a time we had in Benidorm, fried breakfasts and cocktails galore ( I burst my bikini)?
Still, nice to be back in The Argy again, and it’s looking sparkling, well done you lot.??
Since I am dieting, I will only have a half of rhubarb gin tonight, and one pack ( large size) dry roasted peanuts, and is there a slice of haggis to be had?

Those fried breakfasts have certainly left their mark Lemon, there's even more cleavage than usual.
Big Jim needs to sort the cellar out, Trev's done his best but his heart wasn't into it really. He's more for eye-candy than work.
Half a Rhubarb Gin and a family sized Dry Roasted coming up.
Meno snaffled the last of the haggis along with Trev and Thor but I've bought found some early Hot Cross Buns, you just have to be careful as some of the currants aren't all they seem.?

Hello all. I’m back. Did you miss me?. Been sunning myself in Spain and you wouldn’t believe the sights I saw there. ? This tarty piece was splayed out on the beach with what looked like a few strands of a bikini stretched over her bits. Didn’t stop to look because you’ll never guess who I met up with. Big Jim!! ?I know, amazing isn’t it. Apparently he’d gone there on holiday with some floozy who kept gorging fried breakfasts and cocktails then sleeping it off. ? As she was out of the picture most of the time, me and Big Jim had a high old time while she was comatose on the beach. ??☀️
Anyway, what’s been going on while I’ve been away. Anyone seen lemon? ?

Right, fessing up time!
I didn’t want to seem underhand Doodle but I clocked you going pastt on the beach in Benidorm ( not as comatose as you thought eh?)
I was delighted to see you! For all the wrong reasons as I knew you could be relied on to take Big Jim off my hands.He’s not up to much these days poor old soul, and I had formed a rapport with one of our hotel waiters,Miguel,
Six feet of handsome dark haired stud ( what more can I say!) So pretending to be asleep on the beach whilst you and Jim tiptoed off for the afternoon was a godsend.
What a holiday!!! In fact, Miguel says he may come over here for a working holiday in our bar for a few weeks in Summer........can’t wait.

? Miguel was gorgeous. How could you keep him to yourself lemon you meanie. Hmmm going off in huff now. Going to sit in the corner and sulk. ? (didn’t even get a suntan ?)

Well, I could be generous and share him with you when he comes for a visit in July......or there again, perhaps not! Haha.

Doubt if you’ll have much choice once marydoll claps eyes on him ?