Argy Bargy madness, come right in! ??

Meant to say.
REMEMBER DOGS DIE IN HOT CARS.

Ah lemon your funeral attire sounds perfect as alas the sad hour approaches. Funnily enough Little Percy was found by Magoo on one of his late night lone walks. He often lingers around doorways and back alleys in his smalls, sorry meant to type in the small hours looking for strays. And lo and behold he came home with Little Percy one stormy night. How fitting poor Little Percy died near the Argy if most of his former life had been spent there.
Strangely enough Satan, Magoo’s beloved chihuahua also was a rescue. Magoo was still out after a restless sleepless night and liberated Satan from a Range Rover parked outside our local Wetherspoons. Magoo modestly told me how on that blisteringly hot January morning he had been forced to take action on seeing Satan’s little sad face looking through the window. Plus of course the Mulberry handbag and the HP Chromebook on the back seat had the scent of home, so Magoo brought those for little Satan too. Not sure about another pet now as Magoo is still devastated after seeing the picture of that big guinea pig thing I showed him earlier.

What shall we wear for the party, ahem I mean funeral?
Am in my glitter fur hot pants today with silver mesh cold shoulder top and matching boots, is that ok?

So sorry to hear about little Percy, but I have to ask, was he stolen from here a few months ago? We used to have many ferrets and we seem to be down to three now.
They started vanishing round about the time that Soop came a visiting, she made a lot of rather nice meat pies just after, our clients went mad for them with ketchup.

An argy bargy is a bit of a fracas jura2 ( heated arguments)
Which frequently take place here as we fight over Thor and Trev the barmen, the Admiral and the Captain, valued customers and (for their age) hotties, when their ship is in port.?

Sorry , I addressed that to the wrong trollop. It was meant for you GG13 x

We’ve decided after consultation on a multi faith celebration of Little Percy’s life. Our neighbour, Rabbi Burns, is officiating so it’s kippas all round. Dear broken Magoo will chant his Oms and Ali from the kebab shop will sing out the call to prayer. Then we’ll barbecue little Percy on a bin lid in the back yard. Magoo has always been a bit of an eco warrior, so waste not want not. Little Percy is being recycled into a small stew and I’m making a new costume for Grannygravy13 out of his pelt.
If George is up to it, make him stand to attention when Magoo plays the last post on his trumpet. I’m sure he can manage that in your capable hands gransal

I also will remember Percy at 5pm, toast him with a mug of poteen and as gransal has left George on his own run back to be with him!!!??????

I will get off George and raise a sausage roll to percy at five.

Its lemongrove’s club so you’ll have to ask her, sweet pee. I’m only the cleaner
Think there are still some staff vacancies, if you want to apply. They’re very good concerning your disabilities if you have any. If anything they positively discriminate in favour of us less fortunate.

Where does the expression 'Argy Bargy' come from?

Meant to add, Magoo’s last pet was Satan, his all time favourite chihuahua. Satan lived to a very great age despite suffering from cataracts ( the family curse ) and incontinence ( another family curse. )
After his death ( Satan, not Magoo’s of course ) our next door neighbour whose hobby is taxidermy stuffed him and we use him daily as a door stop. That way behold he is with us always, and it saved us buying one of the little tartan ones from Next that cost nearly fifteen pounds.
Little Percy’s funeral is at five. All welcome to attend.
Please bring your own sausage rolls and alcohol.

Thanks for the suggestion about a capybara for Magoo. I had to google it as I didn’t know what one was. I showed Magoo a picture but my poor broken man thought it was a photograph of his dear mother and started sobbing uncontrollably. He’s sitting on our lav ( still no toilet seat on it ) and refuses to come out.

Oh poor Percy, and poor Magee, will you be getting him another pet? A skunk or a capybara would be very suitable, maybe both, and you could bring them into the Argy to liven things up because I think they’d be very soothing for poor George, he gets quite worn out with all the slappers ladies who frequent the club.

Have just endured the night from hell. Poor dear Magoo, God bless his blurry and misty eyes, was passing the Argy trying to report re the rescue attempts concerning George when he saw a figure lurking in your side entrance. Sure it was either Liberace or Donald Trump he decided to ask for a celebrity autograph on the back of his bus pass. He tied his ferret, little Percy, up round the back but in his haste slipped on the cobbles outside the club. (Sure there’s a potential injury claim there) Magoo cannoned forward onto his knees and caught his toupee on what later turned out to be Donald’s American Psycho belt buckle. The police appeared round the corner and immediately arrested them. I’ve only just managed to raise two pound fourpence to bail him out.
Also little Percy was found dead on his lead, suffocated by post coital fag smoke that had leaked from the cellar vent where doodle and lemon had been entertaining George. As dear old ma used to say - No Good Deed Goes Unpunished.
Just letting you know as I’ll be three hours late starting my shift tonight. I have to make funeral arrangements for little Percy .

Lemongrove I seem to have lost my "pinny" (amongst other things!!) but I have found an apron used by those "butlers in the buff" and if I borrow a couple of beer mats will be practically decent from the front?????

I’m sorry but I can’t let Magoo out in mixed company. He has to lead a solitary existence owing to his forgetfulness regarding his fly. He’s quite happy with his ferret and I promised him a cockortwo for Christmas.

Good old Magoo! ??
Would he like a job behind the bar?

Am sending Magoo out for another reccy. He’s got his phone with him so we’ll be able to recognise what he’s actually looking at if he remembers how to take a photograph. All our holiday snaps last year just showed the hair up his nose. Hoping luck is with us tonight !

Are you sure he didn’t see a real camel?
Anyway, just in case, bundle George down into the cellar, we can’t afford to lose him again, he brings in much needed cash.
I’ll have a coffee first though, tell him

Am giving you a heads up the police are going door to door as some woman called camel or some funny name like that is claiming her husband has been kidnapped. Mr Magoo was taking his ferret round the block and saw it with his own misty blurry eyes.

Heheeeee Mersey you’ll fit right in here that’s for sure!?

GG13 have you no shame woman?! Put your pinny back on and get on with making sarnies for the bar, there’s hungry customers out there, and send George back to his coffee machine ( how did you get his handcuffs off btw?)

I’ll have to insist on 24 hours notice if the dynorod are called. I don’t want to make a fuss but it could be a matter of life and death. I was three days in A & E last year when BT put fibre broadband in our road.

Ah I understand. Feel free to plunge away but if we develop one of our common blockages (poteen and pork scratching concrete mix) you’d best stay away when the guys with the dynorod come in. Goodness knows what you’d get up to when they start vibrating.

Ps only another two thousand sequins to go ! My incontinence pants appear to be XXL