NEVER EVER AGAIN!

Well we decided to go to a Welcome groups New Year party as it was our first year in Spain. We had paid for our tickets, so after a bit of a nightmare start we set off. Arrived at the venue, showed our tickets to the folk telling you which table you had been allocated to, but they couldn’t find us on the list. Did you book with your first names they asked, ‘no, don’t think so’, but told them our first names, still couldn’t find our names. Well we did pay, says I and the wifie was ‘yes, I can see that, you have a ticket, but can’t find your name anywhere’. Did you book with a group? Maybe it’s in their name. No we didn’t. By now I just wanted to go back home as I wasn’t feeling very ‘welcomed’. Oh look, there is a table here with no one on it, would you like to sit there? This was a table on its own in a room full of tables with at least 6-8 folk on each one. Emmm, no thanks, we are not sitting on our own all night like Billy no mates! Eventually she asked the folk at the next table to the one she wanted us to sit at if they could push the table up to join them. As it turned out, they were a lovely group, but I think they seriously need to rethink their name as we certainly didn’t feel that welcome by the organisers.

Apologies for the long cut and paste, but thought it might strike a chord Phoenix!

FROM: Pauline Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE: November 4

RE: Christmas Party

I’m happy to inform you that the company Christmas Party will take place on December 23, starting at noon in the private function room at the Grill House. There will be a cash bar and plenty of drinks! We’ll have a small band playing traditional carols… please feel free to sing along. And don’t be surprised if the CEO shows up dressed as Santa Claus!

A Christmas tree will be lit at 1pm. Exchange of gifts among employees can be done at that time; however, no gift should be over $10 to make the giving of gifts easy for everyone’s pockets. This gathering is only for employees!
The CEO will make a special announcement at the Party.

Merry Christmas to you and your family.

Pauline

—————————————————————————

FROM: Pauline Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE: November 5
RE: Holiday Party

In no way was yesterday’s memo intended to exclude our Jewish employees. We recognize that Chanukah is an important holiday, which often coincides with Christmas, though unfortunately not this year. However, from now on we’re calling it our “Holiday Party”. The same policy applies to any other employees who are not Christians. There will be no Christmas tree or Christmas carols sung. We will have other types of music for your enjoyment.

Happy Holidays to you and your family.

Pauline

—————————————————————————

FROM: Pauline Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE: November 6
RE: Holiday Party

Regarding the note I received from a member of Alcoholics Anonymous requesting a non-drinking table… you didn’t sign your name. I’m happy to accommodate this request, but if I put a sign on a table that reads, “AA Only”; you wouldn’t be anonymous any more!!!!!

How am I supposed to handle this? Somebody?

Forget about the gift exchange, no gift exchange allowed now since the union officials feel that $10 is too much money and management believe $10 is a little cheap.
NO GIFT EXCHANGE WILL BE ALLOWED.

Pauline

—————————————————————————

FROM: Pauline Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE: November 7

RE: Holiday Party

What a diverse group we are! I’ve arranged for members of Weight Watchers to sit farthest from the dessert buffet and pregnant women will get the table closest to the toilets. Gays are allowed to sit with each other, lesbians do not have to sit with gay men, each will have their own table. Yes, there will be flower arrangements for the gay men’s table too. To the person asking permission to cross-dress – no cross-dressing allowed.

Low fat food will be available for those on a diet. We cannot control the salt used in the food – we suggest those people with high blood pressure taste the food first. There will be fresh fruits as dessert for diabetics, the restaurant cannot supply “No Sugar” desserts. Sorry!

Did I miss anything ?!?!?!?!

Pauline

—————————————————————————

FROM: Pauline Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE: November 8
RE: The Holiday Party

People! People! Nothing sinister was intended by wanting our CEO to play Santa Claus. Even if the anagram for “Santa” does happen to be “Satan.” There is no evil connotation to our own little “man in a red suit.”

Pauline

—————————————————————————

FROM: Pauline Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All F**** Employees
DATE: November 9

RE: The F**** Holiday Party

Vegetarian jerks, I’ve had it with you people!!! We’re going to keep this party at the Grill House whether you like it or not, so you can sit quietly at the table farthest from the “grill of death,” as you so quaintly put it, and you’ll get your f**** salad bar, including organic tomatoes. But you know tomatoes have feelings, too. They scream when you slice them. I’ve heard them scream. I’m hearing them scream right NOW !!

I hope you all have a rotten holiday, The Bitch from HELL !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

—————————————————————————

FROM: John Bishop, Acting Human Resources Director
DATE: November 9

RE: Pauline Lewis and Holiday Party

I’m sure I speak for all of us in wishing Pauline Lewis a speedy recovery and I’ll forward your cards to her. In the meantime, the management has decided to cancel our Holiday Party and instead give everyone the afternoon of December 23 off with full pay.

Happy Holidays!

That’s the spirit Harris throw that clipboard away!

This has done me the world of good!! I'm not going to my works do and glad I'm not! After years of going and organising I've opted out liberated!!!

....and it's been my experience that no one even says thanks!

Am presently organising this for a very large WI group, and yes, never again! [
The phrase ‘herding cats’ that somebody has used upthread is very, very apt.
It will be a miracle if it all runs to plan.

Organising works "Do`s" is like pushing butter up a hedgehogs bum with red hot needle.
As my Grandmother used to say.

knickas63 Love it!!! I'm going to print it off and post it next to my computer so that I am never tempted to organise an outing again!

If I were you Phoenix I definitely wouldn't do it again and I'd stick to my guns. I used to organise lottery tickets for the department Hurdygurdy and could have done with taking a tough stance like yours.

[tcggrin]

That was very good knickas!

www.reshareworthy.com/spoof-emails-capture-chaos-of-planning-christmas-office-party/

I haven't organised a lunch or dinner, but I organised a trip for elderly people at the day centre I run. First, it had to be somewhere that's:

wheelchair-user friendly.
has toilets suitable for disabled people.
is on the flat, so no hill, steps or escalators.
Somewhere not too far (time restrictions)
Not too expensive.
Has a restaurant/cafe.
Is under cover, in case of bad weather.

Then:
I had to book 2 minibuses, work out a reasonable cost to each person.

It ended up with 15 people!
One was having his legs dressed by the nurse
One had a bladder infection
3 chose to go elsewhere instead.
One had a Smart meter fitted that day
One was out when we went to collect him!
One was having her hair done!
One decided, on the day, she didn't want to go.
One had visitors on the day, so stayed at home with them.

Those that DID go enjoyed it - apart from one lady, who moaned that she didn't like the weather!

There's just no pleasing some people!

Arranging an office Christmas do is bad enough but trying to arrrange an "ex-pat" one is hell on earth. We aren't ex-pats but immigrants but that doesn't stop some of them being all superior. It was supposed to be a lunch for about 10 people who lunch together once a month but a guy took it upon himself to invite other people including one who really wasnt welcome. So all my friend's hard work came to nothing and it has been cancelled.

Where I last worked our end of term staff do was a “ bring and share” buffet. A bit hit and miss. Then we had a new Head, who saw that nobody had time or energy at the end of term to make anything or remember to buy and bring things, so thereafter she ordered in a hot meal of pie and peas ( this was Yorkshire after all ) from a catering firm. We had to sign up by two days before and paid about £3 on the day. Job done!
Everyone brought drinks, but as most of us were driving it was mainly soft drinks, though some brought beers. If smaller groups chose to go out for a meal they just arranged it among themselves with no fuss. Easy.
Where I do voluntary work now, we have a signing up list and people offer to bring buffet food, mostly bought, as nobody has time to bake or prepare stuff. There will be a meal out in the New Year for those who want it. No hassle.

Many companies no longer organise a Christmas "do" for the staff due to all the problems involved. My own company have followed the above policy for a number of years.

As an alternative we give a "Christmas Box" on top of the profit sharing bonus they receive (quarterly for operational staff and half yearly for admin staff) and those that are working on the last day prior to Christmas we invite to the pub for a drink when the offices closes.

The above seems to go down far better than any function organised, as any member of staff can do as they please with the extra money given. The informal gathering at the pub also always goes down well as all have the Christmas and end of year spirit. There is also the benefit that everybody can sit or stand with whoever they wish.

Far better.

Reading some of your responses, it looks like I get off lightly! The firm only pay for food, drinks are down to the guests. If people want to bring partners, they have to pay for their food.

At my last "proper" job, the boss invited partners, all drinks were included and taxis/minibuses were laid on! Fortunately, his PA was given the task of organising it all.z

it brings it all back. Use to work for a very large firm in the marketing department and had to organise many do's for all sorts of reasons all paid for either by the firm or our media people. Once I even had to organise two do's on the same night at different venues. Added to it was usually the need to book accommodation for up to 50 people. Nightmare.

I had a similar thing when I took over the running of the department's lottery syndicate. I warned them in advance that I am an absolute WITCH when it comes to things like this and that I would "take no crap from no one". They had been used to paying late if they had "forgotten", and the organiser would put in for them, etc.

Not with me.

Every month, I send out an email on payday (so no one can say they've no money at the moment) telling them how much they need to pay, and the date by which they need to pay (I collect the money monthly).

And that's they only notification they get. No late payments accepted, no money "put in" for those for forgot, or just didn't bother, to pay.

If they don't pay, they don't play. And if they don't play, they don't share in the winnings. We save our winnings up to share out in the second week of December, and when I hand out the spreadsheet showing what each member's share is, there were a few sullen faces when they missed out on a month's share during the year.

But tough. I warned them in advance, so no come back.

The first couple of years were a bit sticky, and when I refused to accept late payments a couple of times there were grumblings. But they soon learned, and it all runs very smoothly now.

I'd be doing the same in organising a Christmas do.

One email telling them THIS is where we are going, THIS is the date, THIS is the time, and THIS is what your contribution will be. We will be sorry if you can't make it and you will be missed, but this is the arrangement, like it or lump it. And a follow up email two weeks before the date, saying "you've not paid. If you want to come, you have seven days in which to pay me, or your place will be cancelled". And cancel it. And stick to your guns.

You can please all of the people some of the time, and some of the people all of the time, but you can't please all of the people all of the time, so I would just work to that principle. If people don't like it, they are welcome to take over the organisation at any time!

Next year organize a cold buffet meal with lots of choice, that way you don't need to worry about dietary requirements, just as the caterer to include some vegetarian dishes and halal chicken.

Print a deadline, and refuse to accept cancellations or people who suddenly can come after that date. If anyone cancels after that date, send them a bill for the food that was prepared for them.

In other words, stop being so nice.

I work with 4 guys and a younger girl. I have always done the Xmas night out, till last year was fed up with the guys wives and younger girls boyfriend dictating when and where we could have our night out. They also seemed to store up their years drinking cause it was all free. Was almost always at a local restaurant which I never seemed to get my meal or drinks along with everyone else. We all decided (me) that last year we would just do lunch for the workers on last day we were working. 2 of the wives "just turned up" and moaned the whole time at being done out of a night out, I was raging.!!

Our company do was last night and my husband organised it and the usual..I don't want that although I ordered it in September..the lovely African carers turning up an hour after the start, looking gorgeous but wondering why their meal wasn't fresh and hot...moan moan moan yet lovely venue and all free. He missed most of his meal because seeing to others and we had to stay until the end to pay the bill when we were both knackered, anyway everyone had fun!

Thankfully I was spared the "choosing your meal" ordeal ( one year my boss had pre ordered the salmon, then changed his mind and swiped someone's beef ) as we went to the Italian Kitchen in Bideford who offer a set "sharing" menu for parties of 4 or more.

Highly reccommended, btw, good food and plenty of it, in fact almost too much!

Seems parties are the same wherever and whatever age you are. This year I organised the one we have annually after the committee meeting. All has to be done by email, so a lot of nagging involved to find out who is coming. Then more nagging because having paid the deposits out of my own bank account, they don't seem to see any urgency to reimburse me.

Then you have to get their choices out of them and let the restaurant know. Then let the restaurant know that some people have cried off, and also what it was they had chosen to eat. This is balanced out by the Chair inviting any speakers coming to the meeting if they would like to come along to the dinner too. More conversations with the long suffering restaurant.

We squash around the table with elbows touching, and bottles of wine keep appearing, ordered by the group at the other end. Referral to the list to remind people what they have ordered, to stop the veggie options being taken by others who like the look of them better than their own choice.

The cracker fiasco, with tacky plastic bits flying into people's eyes, and the ritual reading of the jokes, why do they only seem to have a choice of three in the entire box, and each person feels they have to read out the same joke over again?

And then there is the bill. Heaven help us if they decide to calculate and pay for what they have actually eaten, rather than splitting it, and of course some only had one glass of wine and others a whole bottle. The total finally produced never matches the sum required and often the organiser end up making up the difference.

To cap it all this year, they managed to go home in the wrong coats!!