Birthday & Christmas Presents and Cards

I would suggest sending really nice cards to your GC and enclosing a gift token to be spent on the GGC, with a short explanation such as "Small gift enclosed for your little one(s)" They will get the message but love that you are remembering your GGC at Christmas.

Newatthis that sounds like a good idea. It would work with 2 of my children. Unfortunately one DiL is very into Christmas so I have to make a huge effort. She is very good at it and spends ages preparing for Christmas wrapping presents, organising food etc. And we get a bagful of presents each. One gc is over 18. No way can I buy her sister and not her. But I still think a box of chocolates sounfs good. It simplifies things. Christmas is so OTT now. and as you get older you just don't have the energy!

I would do a charity option for the whole family for something they’re interested in. So if they like animals, maybe the donkey sanctuary, environment, buy a piece of the rain forest, more into people, sponsor a child in third world, or RNLI if you’re coast based. You get my drift. So much stuff bought for adults that they don’t like or want. And so much plastic bought for kids that is played with for 10 minutes and then dumped into landfill.
Sorry to be preachy. But the charities send info on what they’re doing, can be pro active online with them. It’s actually more interesting as a present than a scarf or pair of slippers you didn’t need!

I have 3 kids, 35, 33 and 24 years old. I also have 2 grand children 31/2 and 18 months. When my kids were growing up they hardly saw my family because they all lived in a county in another continent. My husband's father had died a few years I met my future husband. So my children had a grandmother, 2 married with kids aunts and 2 uncles. They lived 4 hours away from us. As far as families go these were the only ones we all had. My MIL died when my kids were 5 and 7 and the uncles married and had their own children. None of them showed much interest in getting together much. We all were invited to my older SIL's for the day & all in all we saw them 4 times a year. When my kids were 14, 12 and 4, my SIL announced that she didn't want to host on Boxing Day anymore because she doesn't enjoy it. I offered to have it at mine but no one showed any interest. I phoned and talked to her to see if we'd done something wrong. She said that no one had wronged her at all. I told how much we and all the family loved and looked up to her to no avail. From then on there's been no family time at Christmas & we see them may be once a year. When I look back I see what a mean woman she actually was, especially towards my kids. She was the best off in the family but spiritually and financially she was Scrooge. Since then, she's been spending Christmas alone. She and the rest of them deprived us of the only family we could have had. It was very hard for me and my family to adjust and we were hurt deeply. Now my kids have grown and we get together often especially at Christmas. I think the most important thing over Christmas is showing your loved ones love and warmth with a token present and receiving the same. Hope you all have a Christmas filled with love and warmth

We have four grandchildren and set a limit of £25.00 for each of them. Their parents buy them such lavish gifts that we cannot hope to compete and don't even try. We try to give their parents a bit more than we give their children maybe double that sum. We would love to give more but realistically we are not going to be better off as the years go by. I think we all have enough 'stuff'. I would hate to think that they went without to buy presents for us and like to keep things quite low-key. I love them all more than I can ever say and to spend time with them at Christmas is a huge privilege. Life is too short already.

I have told my daughters that after this year we shall be giving a nice present for birthdays, as they are more spread out through the year, and just token gifts at Xmas. As the older grandchildren have now got partners themselves it just gets so expensive. I admit I have overspent on stuff for them all at Xmas, but they rarely thank us unless you prod them and it does annoy me, especially the older ones. At their ages I would have been sending my granny a card or pressie myself, but if my daughters didn’t send cards with their names on, I wouldn’t get one. I struggle with how unfeeling my grandchildren seem to have become as they have grown up, as I have always played a large part in their lives, when they were younger. My eldest grand daughter is now playing what I consider to be very childish games with me on social media. Everyone else’s comments get a thumbs up, heart or whatever, mine get nothing. I have stopped following her, as it can be hurtful, but I am trying my hardest not to let her know that. But there is a part of me that doesn’t want to send her anything at Xmas, but that would make me as bad as her. I wish I could just finish with social media, but there are things I need it for ☹️

The problem in our family is that the great grandma doesn't want to not bother, but spends a month and a half from mid October stressing herself and us two daughters about buying gift vouchers for the great and step great grandkids. So just don't get like that, otherwise whatever you think best. Today's parting comment on the phone to me was "I'm ready, I'm sorted, and that's all that matters". I couldn't be bothered to say "It isn't really".

My oldest DGC turned 18 this November. We have decided as she is now adult she joins the rest of the adults and we stopped all adult presents years ago. We will just get her the odd bit of jewellery on birthdays/special occasions. After the age of about 10 the teenagers get money. So just four prezzies to wrap up this year. Yay!

I emailed the parents of all nephews and nieces this week to ask if there was anything special they needed. If not, I would donate to charity rather than buy unwanted presents. They have emailed back happily asking for charity donations in the main and book tokens for children that did want these. I am getting presents for needy children from UNICEF and sending the cards to the children showing the gifts bought. I am very happy to buy presents or book tokens so long as they want them but I hate mindlessly buying stuff they neither need or want!

Family gift - box of Thorntons Chocolate (£5 ish) and a card! I'm not a meany but many times I don't even get a thank you not a card in many cases so in recent years have cut back!

I have 3 grandchildren and 2 great grandchildren. I buy gifts for all of them at Christmas and birthdays. My adult children get a supermarket own gift voucher inside of their cards. This way they can buy treats as they see fit, or use it after Christmas when money gets a bit tight. This works for us all as we are in regular contact with them all.

I’m expecting my 20th grandchild in a few months. I ran out of steam with present buying last year and now give them money (or their parents for them). Just have to save up all year for Christmas...

Stopping presents at a particular age/ when folk start work/settle down with a partner/have kids of their own makes sense - whatever seems logical & sensitive within your family context.
nanny 41 - you could try a secret santa, but might not be easy to implement with your particular combination of folk. Alternatively, why not decide how much you can afford and divide that by number of people to work out what to spend on each ( maybe with a little more to youngsters and less to older ones?). If you have a bit of spare time for shopping, you could set yourself a challenge to get bargains, so they get a present you've spent £10 on but is worth around £15, for example. Some websites offer gift vouchers at 4-9% discount - you don't need to give the voucher as a present, but could use it to buy something if you prefer. Some of these websites are through employers, others are open to anyone. Also - some supermarkets do really good offers for your first online shop and you could use that to get some ordinary shopping ( of items no dearer than they would be at your usual shop) and also some presents at a good price. Although deals aren't as good as in the past, there is a supermarket that gives triple value on restaurant vouchers purchased with loyalty points ( £30 voucher for £10 worth of points). Some charity shops get new items handed in ( I work in one) and you might spot a bargain.
Maybe if you ask your husband to help plan the best approach, he might even chip in?
Good luck and I hope you all have a great time without any stress over the presents.

For those on either a tight budget or simply wanting to give, but in a less material way, what about home made items, Christmas cake etc or a baby sitting evening, some ironing, hand knitted toys or knitted hats - hand knitted hats in very chunky wool are the height (nearly a pun?) of fashion just now. Items made with love that you cannot buy in a shop. Grandads who can make wooden items can be roped in (lots of admiration). I am sure there are lots of better ideas for quick makes out there but there are certainly different ways of giving. The main thing for me is to remind myself as giver and recipient that “it is the thought that counts”. Sometimes we might need to give our nearest and dearest a kindly nudge to remember that.

Thanks for this thread it’s been on my mind too! This year I will have 6 DGC (including a new baby due on 20th December!)and my own 3 DD and 3 SIL to buy for. I have been very ill this year and been on sick leave since April so money is tight. DD have all said not to worry about Xmas gifts but I just can’t not get things especially for the tiny ones who range in age from 8 down to the new born! I have had to scale back greatly what I have bought and have tried to get Groupon and Living Social and Wowcher Deals as much as I can! New baby is getting baby clothes as this is most useful for youngest DD and partner. I do worry about the cost as their families increase in size and age! It’s also eldest DD husband 40th this year and his birthday is between Christmas and New year so another expense there!

I would think by the time great grandchildren come along it would be wise to buy for them and stop for the grandchildren, especially if it is an issue with cost and logistics.
Martin Lewis 'time to get off the gift giving treadmill. Ban unnecessary presents, maybe tell people you are going to give to charity instead. You can then release people from the obligation of having to give a present in return' Actually that sounds like good sense.

Nanny41 Secret Santa is where you put all names of participants in a receptacle/hat and jumble them up. Each participant then takes a name out of the hat and just buys a present for that one person.

In our case, we've set a budget this year, so all adults will simply buy one present for another adult with a top budget of £25. On the label (in disguised handwriting) you put to (dear whoever) from Santa.

So no one knows who has bought for whom but everyone gets a little something on Christmas Day.

Our Granddaughter, aged ten, organised it for us as we don't all live in the same place so slightly cleverer subterfuge was called for.

I would think by the time great grandchildren come along it would be wise to buy for them and stop for the grandchildren, especially if it is an issue with cost and logistics.

Rule in my family is that once they have children you stop buying Christmas presents for adults and buy for the children

I think as soon as your grandchildren have children of their own you should have a policy of only buying for the GGC. And if there's a lot of them, let your family know you are setting a spending limit or will send a little cheque for their piggy bank.

What is Secret Santa please?

My sisters in law were quite a lot older than me (14 and 12 years) so we agreed that nephews and nieces would get cards and presents up to their 18th birthday then just a card after that. Because my two children are the youngest in their generation by some years (my eldest nephew is only a year younger than me) I have carried this on and given my gt nieces and gt nephews cards and presents up to their 18th birthdays too. I now have four gt gt nieces that I buy gifts and cards for - again I will continue (as long as I am still here that is!) up until they are 18 (they are 4, 3, 2 and 3 months) and will do so for any other gt gt nieces or gt gt nephews as they arrive. My MIL and FIL and my own parents passed away some years ago and I was widowed 20 years ago, there is only my younger SIL left now and she was widowed 3 years ago herself. I do buy for her (and her gorgeous dog!) but she is the only adult apart from my DD, DS and DIL that I do buy for - then I have my 5 DGC!

We've gone for Secret Santa this year, among the (6) adults. GCs will of course get the usual shedloads.

Hm999 for grandchildren that's exactly what I do. For my kids it was until they started producing kids of their own.

I am glad you brought this up today, as I have that exact problem this year, Husband ( second Husband) doesnt have any contact with his family,neither his Daughter or Grandchildren so no problem there? I have two adult children and four Grandchildren 14 -19 I also have an ex Daughter-in-Law who is still a huge part of our family, she has a partner who has a son 18 years old, one of my Grandsons had a girlfriend who we want to invite on Christmas Day, so now a huge HELP what do I do as I am alone on buying for everyone,my Husband helps with the food department but doesnt help financially with presents.This year had been a very expensive year for me with Birthdays, Graduations 18ths etc, I really cant afford presents for everyone. My Grandsons havent any Grandparent now, I am the only Grandparent which makes it sensitive of course, it is a real worry, I would love some advice please other GN,s