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Sad reflextion

(40 Posts)
Lindaa4 Sat 24-Nov-18 22:12:58

I am very sad that I will at 71 not be here to see my lovely 11 year old grandson become a man. There is nothing I can do. My daughter was my third child who I had when I was 38. He is such a lovely boy although obviously getting teenagy. I want to know that he has a good life and is happy. I must snap out of this

nanaK54 Mon 26-Nov-18 19:39:23

My mum died aged 93 and my DMIL is still with us aged 87 so I think you are being slightly pessimistic Linda

M0nica Mon 26-Nov-18 19:15:54

DF and several of his siblings lived well into their 90s - and in their right minds. I am 75 and in excellent health and DGC are 8 & 11 so I am hoping I will live to see them through university and into careers, although, as we are also a family who for several generations have been late marriers and child producers, I do not expect to see any GGC

KatyK Mon 26-Nov-18 18:16:52

I had my DD (only child) at 20. I felt I was too young when I became a gran at 50 (I was wrong). I feel lucky now that we have seen DGD go of to university this year and hope to be around for a bit longer.

lemongrove Mon 26-Nov-18 18:06:35

My parents didn’t have long lives, but both Grandmothers did, into their mid nineties with great grandchildren to take an interest in.So you never know.
In the end....it doesn’t matter, the main thing is that you managed to get your DC into adulthood, anything more is a bonus.
GN has a wide range of ages on it, but most are between 65 and 75 ( from what I read) we are lucky to have made it so far, just enjoy older age and don’t fight it or dwell on the fact that most of our lives are behind us, at least we had it! smile

luluaugust Mon 26-Nov-18 14:32:12

morethan2 couldn't have put it better. My eldest 2 DGC are grown up and two others nearly there it has been a privilege to watch. I think what you are feeling Linda is natural but not to be dwelt on.

morethan2 Mon 26-Nov-18 13:33:11

Even if your very unlucky 11 is old enough to remember you. I feel really privileged that I’ve lived long enough that even if I dropped dead now they’d remember me. All I want is that they know that they were loved. I hope my love and influence help to carry them through what ever life throws at them. I want them to smile when they think of me. If that happens I will consider that I had a life well lived.

SueDonim Sun 25-Nov-18 13:21:06

This quote from Ellenvannin has hit home for me. I think of the many others whose lives have suddenly come to an end without the privileges of many children around them.

My good friend died a couple of months ago after a sudden, devastating illness that no one outside the health professions has ever heard of. She was 64yo, full of vim and vigour, and looking forward to her two children hopefully having children in the near future. All that was wiped out in a matter of five days.

We are indeed fortunate to get at least a glimpse into the future.

annodomini Sun 25-Nov-18 10:48:30

At 78, I intend to be around when my youngest GS, 11 this week, is grown up. He's already a big strong lad but there's a long way to go. My senior GC is 26 and definitely grown up. I miss the girl she was but am proud of the woman she is. Don't despair, Lindaa4, unless there is some reason you're not revealing. The country has more centenarians than ever and it's a fair bet that some of us gransnetters will reach that landmark. Who knows?

Izabella Sun 25-Nov-18 10:29:38

But you wont know you are missing it will you? You will not be around. So, enjoy him while you can and be thankful for the relationship you have.

Elegran Sun 25-Nov-18 09:43:07

At 71 your average life expectancy is now 88 - that is 17 years from now, so you are likely to still be around when your grandson is 28.

Forget all that "Threescore years and ten" stuff. You are NOT destined to kick the bucket at any moment. Cheer up and enjoy life.

harrigran Sun 25-Nov-18 09:39:14

I had my first child at 22 and hoped that I would be a grandmother at an age when I would have boundless energy. Me eldest never had children, I had to wait until the youngest got married in his thirties and even later before having children.
I have seen the eldest reach 13 and that pleases me as I have aready had a near miss with the grim reaper.

Grannyboots1 Sun 25-Nov-18 09:33:11

I have four grandchildren, one of 19 and 3 under 5. We have had a lot of time with the older one, and just occasionally I do feel sad that I might not see the youngest married. My children did not have their grandmothers as they were small when both died the same year. Dh and I enjoy all the time we spend with the little ones. I do struggle with the dreaded sleepovers though??

EllanVannin Sun 25-Nov-18 09:32:22

Bellanonna another 78 year old here and I feel so blessed that " life " started early for me. 2 children at 20/23 which means that my two D's are in their 50's with one D having had 2 children and the other had 3. 4 of my GC are in their 30's and the youngest in her 20's.
One of my GD's has produced 7 children ( my GGC ) the eldest being twins @ 12 years old and the youngest is 2.
My 3 GC in Oz haven't produced any children as yet and they're the ones I won't obviously see, but I tell myself that many children don't even have a nanna let alone a great-nanna !

I remain focussed on keeping my mind and body alert and I'm interested in many subjects which enables me to pass on my knowledge to my GGC . Fortunately I've been a fit individual,had a job that I'd loved which kept me very active for years.

Soooo much has gone on throughout my life which I've battled through but it has all made me the person I am today. Yes I have moments of thinking about my own mortality but they're quickly dispelled when I think of the many others whose lives have suddenly come to an end without the privileges of many children around them.

Make the most of life and what you have as there are thousands of others who are without.

Grannybags Sun 25-Nov-18 09:27:22

My Mum was 38 when I was born (I'm the youngest of five) and she lived to be 97, long enough to see my sons grown up and married. Sadly she died 4 weeks before my first grandchild was born. At least she saw very good pictures of the baby in the womb, (you could clearly see her face!) and knew what she her name would be

stella1949 Sun 25-Nov-18 09:15:27

At 69, yes I agree that it's sad to think of this. I'm hoping to see my four grandchildren grow into adults - if I live another 20 years I'll be the same age as my mother was when she died.

I remember my daughter, when my Dad died she was about 20. But she sobbed and sobbed, and said " But I've got so much more to talk to him about !". It's not easy to reflect that one or more of them might have to say the same about me.

MrsEggy Sun 25-Nov-18 09:12:15

I am 81 and three of my GC are in their 20s, one has just become a father, and has his own business - I could have thought the same as you 10 years ago - and I'm not planning to depart this world any time soon!

Blue45Sapphire Sun 25-Nov-18 09:12:07

Well, I'm 73, DGDs are 11 and 8, so I am hoping to see them through school and hopefully to university. I had both my children in my mid to late 30s so very definitely classed as an elderly mother in those days! My DD is in her mid thirties too and shows no sign of producing, (haven't asked, wouldn't dare, because I remember both our mothers continually asking when DH and I were a similar age, and how intrusive I thought it was). Just hoping that I shall have the pleasure of DGDs' company for many years to come, after all, I am only 24 in my head!

Anniebach Sun 25-Nov-18 09:06:22

When i was widowed with two small children I worried what would happen to them if I died before they grew up.

Now i worry about my three grandchildren, they call me their keeper of secrets, their mother is dead, when I die who will be their keeper of secrets .

sodapop Sun 25-Nov-18 08:58:35

I feel the same way as BlueBelle don't get bogged down worrying about the future enjoy the here and now.

Willow10 Sun 25-Nov-18 08:00:48

At 71 I am already a great grandma to a five year old and a one year old. My mum died this year at 97, her mother was 96. I don't even think about dying and still think I'm 25 in my head. Just like babies arrive when they are ready, I'm sure I'll go just the same way!

PamelaJ1 Sun 25-Nov-18 07:50:24

Linda get your DGS down to a Cathedral.
We were in one the other week and mine wanted to light a candle.
He did and when I asked him what good wishes he was sending. ( I had explained that the candles were lit so prayers were sent to sad or ill people). He said he’d asked god to make Granny B live forever. My DM is 90 now.
So sorted?

Anja Sun 25-Nov-18 07:46:14

Sometimes it’s best not to know ?

Grammaretto Sun 25-Nov-18 07:44:50

Hear hear BlueBelle. We can't know the future.
My GtGM lived until she was almost 100 and outlived all but 2 of her 8 children.
That sounds a nightmare to me.

Enjoy your time with them. At 11 a child is on the brink of adolescence, before all the complex hormones start to kick in. They have such clarity and are reasonable IMO.
11 yr olds to rule the world!!

BlueBelle Sun 25-Nov-18 07:14:58

I don’t think you can think like that, at 71 and 11 you will only be 81 when he is a man My best friend is 82 and knocks me into a cocked hat for getting out and about and doing stuff
It’s kinda of very negative to say you ll never see him grow up, unless of course you ve just had a diagnosis and know you won’t live long but it didn’t sound like that
I feel happy and privileged that I ve had this long with my grandkids and hope Ill have a load longer but don’t waste my time worrying about the future Anything could happen

Willow500 Sun 25-Nov-18 06:27:26

I often feel sad to think that at 64 we will probably never see our little grandsons over in NZ (5 & 3) grow up and marry or that they will know us properly. We have seen our Gds over here (21 & 17) grow and hope to be around to be GGP's one day (but hopefully not for a while!). Although they now live 2 hours away we do see them every couple of months. We try not to dwell on what might be in the future - its the here and now that's important.