Moving home to be nearer my daughter

Do it!

Five and a half years ago, at the age of 63, I moved to New Zealand to be with my daughter and her family. I do miss my extended family and long-time friends and took quite a financial hit coming here. Having said that, I am a central part of family life – not just childcare, although I do quite a lot of that – including birthday celebrations, traditional festivals, trips to the beach and just day-to-stay "stuff". I did know the town and region where I now live quite well before I came here and have gradually made new friends. I reckon moving here and being with the family was the best possible choice for my golden years.

Good luck!

Just make sure you find some new friends and don't rely entirely on your family for all your social life. They will inevitably want to make friends with new people themselves which won't include you so you might feel a bit peeved that they don't want you there all the time.
Also as the children grow up there is less for you to do and they want to spend more time with their friends.. You could suddenly find yourself on your own a lot and you could end up wishing you hadn't moved.

I did it a year ago - yes I'm homesick and haven't really made friends yet but you need to do it as you get older - your original friends get older too and may pass on or move away so you would end up wishing you'd moved when you were 'younger' - family are definitely the ones to be near as well as surgery, church, groups and post office and public transport...……...

This is exactly what we are doing. OH has had a, thankfully resolved, health scare and we are just a bit isolated here. We are moving to be nearer the children...not right on top of but only 30 mins rather that the 3 hours. Yes, its going to be tough....what with all the house viewings and other uncertainties....but we are thinking ahead. If one of us was left behind or very ill it would cause all sorts of problems for our darling children. Its not an easy step but it needs doing and now whilst we are still in control of all the choices....not having them forced upon us.

If you feel that you can manage a move then go ahead.

We moved 270 miles to live near both our daughters. Our youngest met her husband on the internet and then introduced our eldest to his best friend. We moved both to be near to them, and my husband was able to retire early on the difference in property prices (south east to north west). We did consider renting first to see how we liked the area and sometimes wish we'd done so as we subsequently moved again to a better area in the same town. Would this be an option for you Chrispy?

Yes. My gut feeling tells me that it would be lovely for you.
Just do a bit of research first about amenities which you would need, and then go for it!

I would go for it.
Your daughter wants you there, you know her in-laws, so some immediate contacts, you have the joy of frequent contact with grandchildren, and your husband wants to move.
Because you daughter is already there you have the chance to investigate thoroughly the area before you choose where to live, and it doesn't have to be on her doorstep. There are so many activities for the retired now it is easy to build up a busy life, if not necessarily make new friends.
And the place where you have lived for 65 years is changing rapidly, if it is like most other places, and won't remain the same; neither will your friends.
I wish my parents had moved to be near me; it was my father who refused absolutely to consider it, and made both their later years, when they needed help, so much more difficult and uncomfortable than they need have been.

We did it - twice! Our two children both had a child, one in 2001 and one in 2002 and we were 200+ miles away from them, living in Yorkshire. We both got early retirement so decided to move south to be within thirty minutes of both families and never regretted it. Our two DGDs became a huge part of our lives and it made us all very close. Another DGD and a DGS followed in 2005. We have seen all four grow up into lovely teenagers.

Things moved on. DS was moved to Germany with his job for two years but came back and went to live in Essex to be near the city, where he works.

DD's other half got a job in Chichester so we again sold up and moved to the south coast to be near them. We are not near DS and family in Essex, but they are thinking of relocating near here too, sometime in the future. It is currently a 100mile trip round the M25, which I do not enjoy.

As others have said, it is important to sus. out the area and to join things as soon as possible. The world won't beat a path to your door - you have to go and meet it half way. We have managed to do that twice since retiring.

I did get very homesick for our previous village and life over the past year, but in September we had a week's stay back there and met up with friends, re-visited places I had grown to love and "scratched the itch". I now feel very settled here and can't see us moving again. At 75 and 76 DH reckons we're done with it.

Good luck and go and write that new chapter in your life story. Nothing ventured, nothing gained.

Looking to the future.... when there is only one of you left it will be good to be near your DD. In the meantime it will be lovely seeing your GC growing up and helping out when you can. Is your DD an only child? Go for it!

I moved a year ago to live near one of my daughters. After my husband died it took me a long time to make the decision to leave my home of 37 years and downsize to a cottage 400 miles away. I still don't know if I did the right thing. People are friendly, but I have no friends. I have yet to meet most of my neighbours (!). I desperately miss my pals from 'home' and my old lifestyle. On the upside I see much more of my family and help out with the grandchildren. I've joined a choir, W.I, an art group, volunteer in a local hospice shop and read with children at the school. I would advise looking long and hard at the pros & cons before making your decision. Its a Big One. Life changing and not always for the better...
Good luck☘

My parents moved to a bungalow just round the corner from us 6 months after we moved here in 1986 when they were 65. I was an only child and although they had many friends where we'd come from we were the only close family. I'm sure they never regretted it - they saw our sons grow up, the birth of their great granddaughters and we had many great get togethers for birthdays and Christmas over the years. They joined the local golf club and made more friends and had 20 happy years with us. We were then on hand to look after them when their health failed. I would definitely say go ahead. It will be pretty daunting but I'm sure your daughter and family will be there to give a hand and also think of the times you will be able to spend together especially if you are friends with her in-laws too. Good luck!

Go for it! You can research the area before you go.

Good luck!

Make sure you are near essential shops and medical places. My friend moved to a tiny village opposite her DD. The DD now has a new partner and is hardly ever at home and the DGKids stay with their Dad in another town most weekends. She has to use a car to get to any shops.

Also check where the nearest U3A is or W.I. so that you can start making friends.

I’m not saying don’t go but just check all your needs are met before moving.

Best of luck.

Yes, I would do it, apart from seeing your DD and DGC it could lead to a more interesting life for you, making new friends and joining clubs, exploring the scenery etc.Go for it.

I,d love to be able to do this. My daughter lives 2.5 hours away from me...her area is very expensive and i live in a much cheaper area so i cant afford to move there. If i could i would move tomorrow just to be near her and my beautiful GD

It looks as though it could be a good idea, but it's tricky moving to be with other people who may move on again .. you say your daughter moved there a couple of years ago?

Why don't you research the area and see if it's somewhere you'd like to live even if your daughter wasn't there, may make things clearer for you.

Do it! I moved from the area I was born two years ago at the age of 63 to be near my daughters and watch my grandchildren grow up.

Yes it is daunting, you have to get used to a new area and make friends but I don't regret it. I still get a bit homesick but drive regularly back to see friends although I was only 150 miles away but before this had always lived within 20 miles of where I was born. Also you have your husband as well I moved alone .