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Ideas please to politely/effectively refuse unwanted hugs?

(63 Posts)
YorkieGothGirl Tue 20-Nov-18 09:39:01

I’m finding it difficult to side-step this increasingly fashionable practice. I'm not cold and unfriendly but I don't want to be embraced by all and sundry.

Also, nowadays I suffer from hot flushes from hell and turn into a sweat bucket. It’s something I would rather keep to myself and not broadcast involuntarily via the hugging community.

lemongrove Tue 20-Nov-18 16:55:19

Nice post Day6 ??

lemongrove Tue 20-Nov-18 16:53:45

As I said.....British social stiffness could do with some loosening up!
Perhaps people see your look of absolute horror trisher as they approach you.grin

trisher Tue 20-Nov-18 16:50:37

I don't think it's "Mediterranean" to hug. Most of the people I see when I'm on holiday greet each other with a formal handshake (even school children). The French do kiss on the cheek but I think that is mostly people they know well.

Day6 Tue 20-Nov-18 16:38:14

I am in a quandry. I am a hugger but I appreciate not all people want a hug.

We were at a funeral recently, a friend of OH's, and I hardly knew the deceased, never mind his relatives and friends. Every single person I spoke to (all strangers) including his widow, hugged me on saying goodbye.

I came away thinking what a warm and lovely gathering it had been. I wasn't at all offended and thought it nice to be included.

My hugs tend to be spontaneous. I tend to genuinely like everyone, unless they give me reason not to.

However, perhaps in future I will stand back and try to read a situation.

nanaK54 Tue 20-Nov-18 16:28:09

I love hugs smile

Grandma70s Tue 20-Nov-18 16:28:06

I don’t like all this hugging and kissing with all and sundry. I don’t even like it with family, except for children.

lemongrove Tue 20-Nov-18 16:19:58

I like hugs, family, friends, neighbours etc, nothing like a hug or a kiss.I know it’s thought of as bit Mediterranean but
British social stiffness could do with a bit of loosening up.

janeainsworth Tue 20-Nov-18 15:48:27

Then again I was involved in the NHS so hugging was second nature to me
Ellanv
What has the NHS got to do with hugging?
Is it assumed that patients want to be hugged by the nursing and medical staff?
Surely treating patients with dignity and respect implies respecting boundaries.

I had a cataract operation under local. Someone asked me if I wanted them to hold my hand.
Noooooo! I’m a big girl, thank you.

notanan2 Tue 20-Nov-18 15:40:06

If you go in to shake hands people will convert the handshake into an awkward handshake-hug hybrid.

Don't go in for a shake and you'll get less hugs

fairisle Tue 20-Nov-18 15:15:14

I don`t like hugging

toscalily Tue 20-Nov-18 14:53:58

Family & close friends only. I really do not like all this hugging & kissing with all and sundry, can't understand especially when you have just met someone, much prefer the formality of a handshake.

oldbatty Tue 20-Nov-18 14:45:55

Hate it. I was brought up a Presbyterian.

grumppa Tue 20-Nov-18 13:51:07

"French kissing habit", sodapop?

Can't stand man hugs.

HildaW Tue 20-Nov-18 13:39:42

I'm not a casual hugger...they are very much reserved for nearest and dearest so at the first hint of a hug from someone new I too put out a hand for a quick shake and say something like....'Oh I'm not a hugger, not even with the children (a small white lie). As long as its all said with a smile and you are being genuinely friendly in all other ways I've not found it a problem.

Dontaskme Tue 20-Nov-18 12:49:13

Me too - a handshake on first meet usually lets people know you're not a hugger.
I don't hug and I certainly don't cheek kiss, or even air kiss.
Family is different.

sodapop Tue 20-Nov-18 12:47:21

I feel much the same with the French kissing habit. Grin and bear it so as not to offend anyone. Alternatively extend both hands to clasp that of the person you are greeting.

jusnoneed Tue 20-Nov-18 12:47:17

I'm not keen on anyone other than family giving a hug, the younger members do seem to happy to hug all when you meet them.
Though have to say it was nice a few weeks ago at nephews 30th birthday party to get a hug from some of the youngsters there (my youngest is same age so they share a large group of friends) even though I hadn't seen some of them since they were all at school together. Little me with lots of 6 foot plus lads, they all seem to get so tall these days!

Fennel Tue 20-Nov-18 12:08:40

That's what I do, M0nica.
I didn't realise it was becoming a fashion here.

M0nica Tue 20-Nov-18 12:05:13

Put a hand out to shake hands as soon as you think a hug is in the offing, or even if you think it might be. It seems to work.

silverlining48 Tue 20-Nov-18 10:28:53

I was hugged yesterday by someone who is related to my sil, she always does this the rare times we meet, yet we both know we are not close, nor will we ever be. I never instigate this and usually try to keep distance between us waving cheerily as we all say goodbye, but somehow once again, she crept up on me. Really wish she wouldnt.
I Love hugging my children and grandchildren, even close friends are ok, but not people I hardly know if at all and not people I hardly like.

DoraMarr Tue 20-Nov-18 10:25:27

Oh gosh, I hate these routine hugs! We had a new manager when I was working who hugged everyone. Then everyone started doing it, all the time, first thing in the morning, going home..... I think I used to sidestep, as it soon became known that “Dora doesn’t do hugs.” I think it’s nice when family do it, and my French family hug and kiss, even among males, but I don’t hug my friends. There again, I sometimes used to be the only one in a group at work who didn’t get a hug, then I used to feel a bit left out.....

sunseeker Tue 20-Nov-18 10:16:56

I have never been a hugger but now I am on my own I sometimes wish someone would hug me (not strangers!)

Scribbles Tue 20-Nov-18 10:16:04

I love to hug or be hugged by people I'm genuinely close to and care about but really dislike the full on embrace from people I barely know. I will try to avoid it by offering a hand to shake or side-stepping to pick up/put down my bag/scarf . As acquaintanceships evolve and become friendships, there seems to come a point where hugging is both acceptable and welcome and the body language or pheromones or something seem to mark the change so it is understood without ever being articulated.

MawBroon Tue 20-Nov-18 10:15:53

I suppose a well timed sneeze might deter some people....???

Iam64 Tue 20-Nov-18 10:12:44

Lol MawBroon, I agree.

I'm a hugger, from a family where hugs are freely given and accepted. Our two and three year olds hug each other routinely when they meet up.
I think it's easy to give out vibes to discourage unwanted hugs. I don't hug strangers, I only hug people I'm close to.