How's it been for you?

Framilode and gillybob----as the old saying goes " everything comes to those who wait " could ring true ( when you're about 90 ) Look at the fun you'll have reaching 90.

When I look back I clearly see the dreadful, nightmare times. I also see that we not only survived but got through them as well as most could have. We’re a pretty good team, seem to do well under pressure, not that we always enjoy it. The last 18 months have been difficult, not of our doing and unavoidable. We’re getting through it. I am sometimes afraid to enjoy the good for fear of what’s round the corner. Daft or what?

On balance I think I've had a lot to be grateful for, I live in a nice area and have been to many parts of the world that were on my wish list. I had a great mother, not such a good relationship with my father which caused me some angst. My father never really forgave me for getting a divorce, both my parents were strict catholics, but my mother was a bit more human. I've had a very happy 2nd marriage to someone I think the world of, two children and two grandchildren. I wish one of my children hadn't rushed into having children in an unhappy relationship, when he was too young, but I certainly wouldn't be without them. I'm the only one that remains from my birth family having lost my sibling which is quite sobering. My husband suffered a great loss a few years ago, when his son died suddenly and unexpectedly from cardiomyopathy, his other child having survived a childhood cancer, he always worried about her more. Losing a child is the wrong order and he tells me whilst one learns to come to terms with it that deep loss is always there. It was seminal time in our family's life. My step children/ step grandchildren are wonderful and my children never made the distinction of the preceding "half" with their older siblings.

I look back over my 65 years and the few mistakes I made are now glaring, but who who knows how thing would have turned out if I’d made a different decisions. I’ve learnt to live with the guilt and disappointment. I haven’t had a really easy life but nor have I had a totally miserable one. There’s been grief and great joy and I think there’ll be more of both in the future but they are the cards that will be dealt to me. I just I hope I’m able to handle the grief and share the joy.

I had a very happy childhood. Was blessed with two beautiful daughters and three wonderful grandchildren. A lot of sorrow too.

I used to wonder why my whole life, since childhood, has been difficult. I could write a book about misfortune and hardship and have in fact, committed so many of my thoughts to paper, as a way of off-loading.

I often think if reincarnation means we keep being reborn into different lives to learn lessons , in my former one I must have been a right nasty piece of work!

My Mum used to say we have to grin and bear whatever life throws at us and I have tried to adopt her philosophy. I am not very tolerant of pity-parties (although I have thrown many when alone...misery has been my only company.) I dislike miseries too, so I try to put a positive spin on things and in the good times, to count my blessings. I am almost afraid of the good times. I feel sure an awful blow is waiting in the wings for me.

I cannot shrug off life's disappointments and wounds but I can and do try to leave the past in the past and make the best of every day. But over-thinking when alone and being forever anxious is my un-doing.

It's strange that people tell me I am laid back, good company and easy going. It's all a facade. If only they knew.

And yes - some people I know DO seem to lead fairly charmed lives. That's a bit of a slap in the face too, isn't it?

Oh well, this is all we get. Might as well try to make the most of it. That's the only way I can make sense of the unfairness of it all.

It's a rare person, I think, who will have reached our ages (let's say 50 plus), who hasn't had difficult things to deal with. We all cope in different ways.
We will have enjoyed wonderful things and endured grim things, but isn't that part of life? I'm not going to list the horrible and the wonderful things I have faced. I know I'm not alone. We just have to get on with life. At times it's a b.....r, at other times it isn't. There are things I wish I could change, but can't. But that's part of life, too, isn't it it?

Not sure where the extra "it" came from! ?

The thing is, though, those people who seem to have led and lead particularly charmed lives, well the truth is, we don't really know, do we? None of us know what someone else is going through deep down, as they are unlikely, on the whole, to share it, are they? ( Yes, I'm sure there are exceptions to this, but I think they are few and far between).

I think shit happens and it's how you deal with it that matters. So on the whole I've dealt pretty well with the shit life has thrown at me and I'm still smiling.

My life has in ways been catastrophic, painful and lonely. I brought a lot of it on myself, a lot I didn't and didn't deserve. I have made a couple of bad decisions which I have had to live with. I've had periods of deep despair, conflict and life has felt chaotic.

However I believe someone/something is looking after me and I appreciate every day, give thanks for my life and have hope.

I've been very, very happy at times, had a lot of fun and laughter and feel blessed with 2 great sons and 4 grandchildren. Despite a couple of problems my health is good, I am fit and active, no real aches and pains. I love where I live and have my freedom, which I value.

I regret my divorce. I would like a partner...but you can't have everything, nor should we expect it being realistic. In all I'd say my life [nearly 70 years] has been 50/50 good and bad stuff.

Mapleleaf - I totally agree with what you said/wrote - my feelings exactly!

Ups and downs, as most people have. The ups have been terrific. Childhood was by most standards ideal. Parental expectations were high and we were all well educated. I enjoyed my jobs, and being a local councillor. My marriage was OK at first, but collapsed after 16 years. My sons have brought me great joy and occasional problems. My sisters and my two sons are my dearest friends. I've suffered grief, as have most people my age and I know that there will be grief to come. One never gets used to it.

It seems to me that life is a series of challenges. Some of mine have been very difficult, but in some ways I've been lucky too. I'm more at peace with myself now than any other time in my life.

I long for a peaceful, contented life

I'm so sorry Anniebach. I know you have been through agonies and loss and wish I could wave a magic wand to make it all better for you.

I stayed in my first marriage far too long (22 years). He was mean to me and no longer loved me but was kind to the kids so I foolishly stayed. Then I finally found out he had been cheating on me and I divorced him. I only wish I had the courage to do it far sooner as I have remarried and been so happy with second dh. That is only major regret of my life. I should have divorced 6 years sooner but then I would have been left with second ds who would have only been 1 year old so I would have struggled to work.

Like many on here my life has not been an easy ride. Alcoholic and violent father (to my mother), suicidal mother who finally succeeded, broken relationships with partners. However, one of my DD’s in discussion with me about my past and some of my poor decisions said I did the best I could at the time and should have no regrets. My life has finally helped me become a stronger and more empathetic person, even though I still have (medicated) anxiety. These days I do the best I can to support my children and grandchildren by giving my time and loads of love. I feel very loved by DH and all my family. My life is not perfect but nevertheless I’m now happy and content with what life has given me.

I just count my blessings now.

<<sings>> Regrets, I've had a few, but then again too few to mention...….…….

Up until the age of 24, I led a charmed life.
Got married, and apart from having 3 lovely children, my life went pearshaped.
Now divorced, children married, 6 grandchildren, life is ok, but as they say, could be better.

Looking back I think I have been quite lucky and had a happy life. Certainly marrying DH was one of the better things. We have had ups and downs (who dosn't) and I think one of the worst that probably strengthened our marriage was the stillbirth of our first child. I don't think I could have coped without his support, and the hurt stays with me to this day. But I have a lovely husband, 3 great children and 6 lovely grandchildren who we love and who,love us in return. I am grateful and really appreciate all I have and know that I am possibly a lot luckier than some.

I regret my father being such a cold fish, unable to show love in any way other than throwing money about. Raped at 16. Widowed with two small children at 26. Losing all my family by the time I had reached my early 30s. Serious health issues at the same age needing major transplant surgery. My children not accepting me for who I am, and estranging themselves from me, one even physically turning their back on me when our paths crossed once.
Yes, life has, as they say, been a bitch. But it's made me the strong person I am now. Though I'd rather it all never happened really as it brings up so many sad/bad memories at times.

That’s so sad ditzyme Is there nothing at all you could do to build bridges with your family ? You may never be exactly close but at least some contact would be good. My dad was very cold too. I was terrified of him when I was a child and always trying to please him, which was impossible to do .

Gillybob...my sons were the only family I have, though I do have a loving husband. They have both got themselves entrenched in a certain way of thinking with regard to my parenting/grandparenting styles, and unless I change and become someone I am not, then the situation will remain as it is. One of the advantages to getting older for me, was that I could finally be ME, not the person I was expected to be, not the role player I have been so many times in my life. My sons didn't allow me to be the real me and remain a parent or grandparent. I am over it, they will have regrets I am sure. Especially when their children get bequests in my will from a grannie they never knew they had. But that isn't my problem.