I want to stop

I stopped years ago.
I don't send cards, and I buy only for close family.
I think its ridiculous buying 'stuff' for people who already own lots of stuff, and finding homes for stuff I don't need, myself.
Its very freeing once its implemented.

Think this is something a lot of us have encountered at one time or another. I think you should just tell her, rather than hinting. Say you are cutting back this year or making a charity donation in lieu of presents.

vickymeldrew

"The best gift you can give is to release other people from the obligation to buy gifts.

twitter.com/MartinSLewis/status/1045000160441499649

I give to the family throughout the year so it's not expected of me at Christmas-----just my GGC to provide for and that can be a dear do when they're wanting a new PC game.

It was so nice to see this post. I stopped presents for nieces and nephews when they were 18, which was a big relief. For years now my Son has asked what I want for Christmas and birthdays and I always say I will let him know when I want something, which I never do. This year, after watching a Martin Lewis show, he said in future no adult presents, just the children, which I find a great relief as I never know what to buy. I haven't had the discussion with my daughter yet, but I know she will take a lot more persuading. It's so different now to when we were kids, the only time we got anything was Christmas and birthdays, but nowadays if they want something they just go out and buy it.

Martin Lewis, the money saving expert has a short video on this very subject. Sensible advice which 98% of us will agree with. Not sure how to post the link but just Google it.

Just give a nice box of biscuits for all the family ?

I buy Christmas presents for 15 people, family and friends, children and adults. No I do not have a lot of cash, I exist on a state pension so I shop for gifts all year round. I buy my cards in January as they mostly sell really nice cards less than half price.
a friend of mine told me that her family had decided not to buy for the adults and she just puts money in childrens cards. Strange as I don't mind doing that for birthdays but I really like to give them 'something to open' at Christmas. I was then told that 3 of her 4 adult children DO buy for her but she doesn't buy for them, so it wasn't really a family decision it was her decision not to buy. her excuse if 'I can never know what to get people'. Just an excuse as part of the pleasure for me is to get something I am sure (hopefully) they will like and the pleasure of giving.

If they don't say thankyou, you have a perfectly good reason to stop as they obviously don't appreciate it.

I now only buy for my parents and aunt (all active and in their 80's) tickets to see a musical. My grandchildren, 7 of them and that's it. Stopped buying for brothers/partners/nephews and nieces etc years ago.... agreed with others and so much easier and cheaper.

A large family I know with 8 siblings plus numerous partners and a large number of offspring and assorted "others" decided many years ago to all contribute money in lieu of presents which is then given to a selected charity each Christmas. Everybody contributes according to means, there is no set amount. The siblings take it in turn to nominate a particular charity each year.

It's ridiculous, I'll bet you don't want to hurt people's feelings, or be thought mean, etc. etc. My suggestion is to send a Christmas card early (first week in December) so that you make your point first with an inscription inside which says, "from this year and thereafter we are sending cards rather than presents and wish you a very merry Christmas." Stick to it. It's bad manners of them to not even say thank you for these past gifts.

Glenfinnan I know what you mean. My sons two girls one is 20 the other 15. 20 yr old has plenty of money but never so much as sends me a card and never ever visits. She is at university close to me and has a car. But how do I just buy the younger Last time I gave my son £10 for the younger as pocket money he split it between them. Two gc in England never ever send me a card. I send them presents and gave them money when they started uni. All communication is thank you gran for.....whatever. Nothing else ever. I feel very neglected.
Ninathenana. Time to scale back. I would send a family gift of some sort. Treats hamper?

I spoke to our relatives about this a few years ago and they were all pleased to just send cards. It was 17 presents off my shopping list!

We have distant relations not known and now I just buy a large pack of biscuits or sweets for them all to share.

This year we've decided on Secret Santa with a £25 budget for the adults in our family. This is organised by our ten year old DGD as a non participant. DCs will of course get the usual truckloads, I expect.

I don't buy presents for my brother's or sister's GKs, nor do they buy for ours.

ninathenana.
I agree that asking for Next vouchers for the children of those ages is more of a gift that will help the parents than a gift that children of that age would want or expect.
If you do decide to give gift vouchers then give them of your choice. Apart from our grandchildren and great-grandchildren, who we buy gifts for, we give supermarket own gift vouchers to our adult children and their other halves, in with their Christmas cards. This allows them to spend it on what they choose, be it "eat and drink treats" or even essentials as they choose, they enjoy getting these, and we know they will be used rather than forgotten about in the back of a drawer. Everyone has to eat!

I buy presents for my DD, SiL and 4 GC then smaller presents for 2 sisters and 1 brother plus 8-10 smaller presents. There's a maximum spend on my giving and I'll often buy through the year. Cards are only given to GCS, church friends and a few others, by hand never posted. Australian family, (huge!), get ecards.
I will buy new or good condition items from charity shops and spend Christmas Day helping to cook lunch for up to 60 people.
I have family I never
see so don't buy for them,or send/give cards, nor receive or expect any. This keeps my Christmas spending under control and manageable.
Buying for family or people you never see and who don't reciprocate is just wasting your money and time, IMO.

Buying for other people’s grandchildren is stretching the family circle too far. Mention it to your SIL now before she buys presents for yours. Don’t leave it to your husband.

My sisters and I don't buy presents for each others' children and grandchildren. I've asked all close family members to donate to charity rather than send me presents and I will do the same for them.

I think that you only give to those who know who you are! I give small gifts to my good friends 3 DGC as we see them at their house. She sends gifts for my DGC in return but I have said to stop as they really don't know her! This year, as a compromise, we will exchange a family gift, i.e sharing box of chocs or biscuits or a game they can all play!

Just send your Christmas cards out a few days earlier with a sentence at the bottom staying you have decided to scale back Christmas this year so are sending cards only from now on.

I always buy the children not adults anymore. But my dilemma is when there are 4 or 5 in a family it seems mean to cut out those over 18 but still give to their younger siblings. As mentioned befor, I don’t always get a thank you even though they all seem to be surgically attached to their mobile phones, a text would be nice!

I think you just have to be up front nina and let them know you have decided to discontinue the gift giving. The charity donation in lieu of gifts is a good idea. Maybe you could discuss which charity you would like to support.
I do have to say I love getting Christmas cards and would be very disappointed if I didn't get any. Younger family members don't send them to each other but they do send to their old mother !! E-cards are not the same.

Many years ago ,my sister and I decided to buy Christmas presents only for children
. We now have 2 GCs each. My sister is very quick to tell me if my GCs are slow to say thank you for their presents. Yet I have never had a thank you or an acknowledgement from either the parents of her GCs, when they were small or now when they are older.
It is beginning to rankle, what to do?