Bored and lonely

We're having another Christmas lunch gillybob...

.....and more often than not unpaid EllanVannin what is there to like ?

I understand if you work for yourself gillybob. Demanded and trapped.

It’s great if you love your job but “detest” just about sums my feelings towards my job EllanVannin and theres no way out !

I have a very boring life but do you know what ? I love it !
Yes,hard to imagine but during my working life I worked myself to a frazzle so much so that my physical health suffered massively. I'd pretty well burnt myself out and began suffering all sorts of problems which I never thought I'd encounter being the physically strong person that I was. During the last ten years before retirement I was a clerical officer with the NHS and loved every minute of it as I was seconded to do other jobs as well from a previous nursing career. Ever the obliging one I worked extra hours for certain clinics because I loved it so much.
However,at 66 I had to call it a day and landed in the same hospital I'd worked in when the consultant said " you must take it easy--or else ". Now at 78 I'm still taking his advice,hahahaha. Plenty to occupy my mind, if I want. I was widowed at 54 and those years have just flown, even latterly doing nothing, though I've still been available for helping family and friends and in my own way I enjoy life-----and living.

I couldn’t make the last Edinburgh meet up
Jane10 as we had a last minute “issue” at work (one of our lads attacked another one long story) . I was at the last Christmas meet up at the ROSL ( I dragged Mr along for the train ride) seems like forever ago .....

Dear Gillybob I hope you will forgive my possibly intrusive but kindly intentioned observations.
I have come to realise the massive commitment you have to both your family business and to your grandchildren. You have often said how exhausted and stressed you feel but can see no way out.
I wonder if you have become so inured to the demands made on you that somewhere along the line, you have lost sight of “you”. Like the swan paddling furiously beneath the surface you are clearly holding everything together but at a cost.
So, in the (unlikely?) event if another entirely free Saturday afternoon, all jobs done, nobody needing you to be at their beck and call, what, ideally would you like to do?
A good book? A tv catch up? A DVD? A long soak in the bath, with or without a cheeky and a scented candle? A peaceful walk (which you did yesterday) ? A nap, even!
I fear you have become so used to giving so much of your own time to others that it has become a habit and now it is your turn when you can snatch a half day!
Time to be selfish for once

Its always good to have something to look forward to gillybob. Any chance of you coming up for another meet up in Edinburgh? I seem to remember you at our last Christmas one (or am I imagining that?)

Gilly some WIs run 2 bookclubs to cater for different availability of members. Would there be members keen for a Saturday morning or an evening group? Or start a " Knit & Natter" at yours when you are free. A small group of us meet at a friend's house on Friday evening to do crafts ( knitting etc) & we take biscuits or other goodies to nibble! We call it Make & Munch ???

Work and family do take up most of my time M0nica but I hate my job so much I definitely wouldn’t call it an interest . I do quite a bit of child care and look after my dad a bit too. I don’t mind cleaning, sorting and tidying and find it quite therapeutic. I would rather do that than sit around. I enjoy reading and listening to music ( usually while I’m working ) and often walk on the beach . I like gardening in the better weather . Almost everything I do is on my own though (even work) . It just seems like there’s nothing to look forward to and it’s just the same old thing every day . I’m “only” 56 and I feel like life is just passing me by . I wish I wasn’t such s bloomin’ misery guts.

I am a member of the WI seasider but that’s only 2 hours once a month . They run a book club that I would love but it’s on an afternoon so I can’t do it .

Not sure if there is a branch near you but my friend joined the WI a few years ago and go to lots of events and on day trips. Where I live the local walking club is crying out for members. It's not expensive and they have a trip out once a month. I am not a TV watcher so I do quite a few online surveys for which I earn a little bit of cash or vouchers. You could sign up to be a mystery shopper and get a free meal/coffee out.

Borrow a dog? The Cinnamon Trust find dog walkers for people who can’t get about for one reason or another to match with people who want a companion to walk with.

Gillybob, do your really have no other interests but work, family and cleaning?

I can see with such an exhausting work commitment the last thing you need to do is volunteering, but does nothing else interest you? Your mind is so active on GN, I feel sure that if you allowed your mind to rest and contemplate, it would suggest things you would enjoy.

I am not making any suggestions because peoples interests and aptitudes are so varied and one person's engrossing interest is another person's terminal boredom.

Headspace app is very good. This from somebody with the attention span of a flea.

I think oldbatty is right.

I would relish having the house to myself especially if it looked like a new pin but you have had so much going on that it must be difficult to stop and relish the moment.

Could you have an indulgent bath? I bet you can still get out on your own

I have for years poo pooed mindfulness but recently I was at an event where I ended up doing it for 3 minutes. I was amazed at how relaxed I felt after. I intend to find something on the internet. Could you give it a try?

Don't do gilly, be.

If all my chores are done for the day and i have been out and about i hunker down on these winter afternoons, with a book or knitting, the tv or the radio, sometimes there are very good plays on the BBC4 station or BBC4 extra. I find knitting very relaxing and if you have no one to knit for items can be donated to charity shops, blankets made of squares are always welcome at the vets for sick animals, if you are able to knit hats, gloves socks or scarves homeless shelters are grateful especially this time of year. Knitting is good for the brain as you have to follow a pattern. I hope you can find something to occupy yourself with its a not good to feel bored and lonely.

I live next to the sea too Gillybob and my house is NOT like a new pin there’s loads I should do but don’t It needs painting top to bottom but it was too hot in the summer to start and now it’s too cold ??? well that’s my story
I did man a cake stall for the local running club for an couple of hours this morning and my fingers went white and numb
I ve just cooked some dinner took a phone call and manage to cremate the lot
At the moment I m trying to get going at making my Christmas cards but that keeps getting shoved to the next day ah well a walk on the blustery freezing beach it is Blow the cobwebs away
Xx

Well I just got back from a very blustery walk on the beach. I’m wrecked and starving . I am very lucky to live so close to the sea and I think I need to appreciate what I have much more . Going to listen to the footy on the radio at 3 as my son, grandson and granddaughter are Sunderland season ticket holders ( mad I know) so it’s very important to keep up with every kick .
Thank you for lovely replies everyone x

I think a lot of us feel lonely at weekends - I know I do. I have friends I see during the week but at weekends they are busy with family - I have no family and often go from Friday to Monday without even seeing anyone never mind having a conversation.

I am not a great housekeeper so spending the time cleaning is a no-no!! I usually have a couple of books on the go, listen to music or watch a DVD (can never find anything on TV I like).

I completely understand how you feel Gillybob.

It does sound idyllic until all the walking alone on the beach and the house to yourself with hours to fill is your only option.
I’ve been widowed and alone for so very long now I would love someone else to share a Saturday, or any day really, with.
I am lucky having my daughter and her family very near but I try not to intrude too much on them.
Like you I walk a lot, can’t always force myself out when it’s hailing and cold like today though, books and jigsaw puzzles are my way of passing the time, helps with the boredom but not the loneliness.

gilly, your post has got me thinking back to last weekend when two of our oldest friends came to stay. We haven't seen them for four years so it was great to have a catch up.

The husband began by telling us all about his activities and hobbies, DH chipped in with banging on about fishing, my friend told me about her involvement as a volunteer with a community shop/library, committee member of the WI and various other activities.

They then stopped talking, turned to me and said, 'So what do you do?

I nodded to outside the window. They live in a small bungalow with a tiny garden. We live in a bungalow but the garden is huge! It's my life and my passion. I also love walking three dogs - our two JRs and DD's chihuahua. I upcycle old furniture, read and catch up with missed TV programmes on wet and windy days.

It's horses for courses. I've tried belonging to things but have become a bit of a commitment phobe in my old age.

They obviously think I'm a bit sad but we're still friends.

gillybob if we lived close we cold get together and put the world to rights! I am stuck because of my back atm so am finding life so frustrating. DH is almost too helpful..that sounds awful as I know how lucky I am..but his attention makes me feel guilty and more of an invalid!
Do you like jigsaw puzzles.. it is our go to activity in our family over winter. DDs and families have them too.. can waste hours and then we swap them over! Quite therapeutic too as you can forget everything else until you get that pesky piece in!

I'm by the sea and it's lovely strolling down to the prom but hellish coming back as it's all uphill whichever way you go. Not complaining though as it always feels fresh and clear just to breathe in the air.
Too cold for me in this weather because my legs tend to seize up with having circulatory problems. When it was warm I walked along the length of the prom with no effort at all,a couple of miles there and back and thoroughly enjoyed it.

Well the world is your oyster on Saturdays then !!

Lots of recommendations to read a good book. Make a nice lunch - doesn't have to be an expensive one but something you really like and DH not so much !

A bit of crafting if you're that way inclined? Do you knit? A good audio book and a bit of knitting ?

Are you a fan of photography? Bundle up and take your camera or even just your phone out and search for some beauty in a dull day , you'd be surprised what you'll find .

I hope you find something enjoyable to do with your time xx