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Moral dilemma

(131 Posts)
Apricity Tue 09-Oct-18 12:41:25

What an awful situation to be in - for everyone. As her brother brought her and her children back to the UK and, it would appear, is a supportive brother is it possible to work with him to approach the problem? Presumably he is well aware of the maintenance and community responsibilities you have regarding the cottage? Can you work with him and local alcohol support services to devise a plan of treatment and support for his sister? If you work together and it fails, as it may well do, you will both know you have given it the best you know how and nobody can do more than that. Alcoholism is a terrible disease and sometimes there are no answers and no solutions. Tragically, sometimes you have to let people go before they drag everyone else down with them.

travelsafar Tue 09-Oct-18 11:51:02

When she is sober would you be able to get her to see her GP and go with her if necessary for some support if she will allow. If that is not possible due to the chaotic life of an alcoholic, maybe speak to your own GP about how it is affecting you and he/she may be able to point you in the right directio to get appropriate help.There are many support groups for this type of problem but it is knowing where to turn especially when you are clearly upset and stressed about the whole situation.

FlexibleFriend Tue 09-Oct-18 11:46:18

Do you speak to her at all? I think you and her brother need to talk to her when she's sober and tell her straight to sort out help for her drinking or she will be evicted. He installed her in the cottage but he can't then abandon responsibility to you. She needs help and an incentive to stop drinking and clearly needs a nudge in that direction.

ninathenana Tue 09-Oct-18 11:30:20

Oh dear, I didn't want to read and run but have no advice, just sympathy flowers

gmelon Tue 09-Oct-18 11:10:52

My heart goes out to you, a very difficult situation. There will be lots if good advice from experienced gransnetters.
flowers

DaisyL Tue 09-Oct-18 10:58:24

I would really appreciate some thoughts on my problem. My husband died nearly three years ago and I have tow adult step children. My step-daughter is an alcoholic with two children. She was living in France but her brother brought her back to England because she was not with the children's father and they were in a house that had no heat, no water and no electricity and she had no money. After a while when she got back here he put her into a cottage that actually belongs to him, but it is my responsibility for my lifetime (I get the rent but have to maintain it). My stepdaughter has now had the children taken away from her (court ordered) and they are with a foster family. This is an interim order, but as she has made no efforts to stop drinking it is likely to be permanent. The children's uncle doesn't want to know and I am too old to have full care of them, but I do stay in touch. At 5.00 am this morning the stepdaughter was arrested for screaming and shouting and disturbing the whole village. Now everyone is getting at me - this is not by any means the first time this has happened, it seems to be a weekly occurrence. My problem is that I have been very reluctant to evict her as I don't think I could sleep at night if she was on a park bench somewhere but on the other hand the other people in the village are entitled to some peace and quiet. So sorry for this long message - I have tried to precis it!