Perfect parents

Love them unconditionally. Put your fone away. Give lots of kisses & cuddles. Have bounderies.

If I ever find out, I'll let you know but I think "Balance" is probably the key word.

All I know is that I am better at being a gran than I ever was as a mum. But I did my best. I like to think I would do things differently now. But I am older and maybe a bit wiser!

Purplepoppies-

I think by the time you get to Gransnet one of them should be - Let them go!

Children are a gift. Some people are unable to be parents.

1 Love them
2 Care for them
3 Give them confidence
4 Love them some more

Say Yes as often as you can, and when you say No, mean it.

Distinguish between wilful disobedience and childish irresponsibility, and deal with accordingly.

Always cuddle and 'make up' after telling them off - don't just go on and on.

I'm surprised I've kept mine alive tbh so I don't think I'm qualified to comment ?

I still like the old saying about giving our children roots, wings to fly and a reason to return. We also need to see parenting as a process of planned obsolescence because one day we won't be here.

No such thing as perfect parenting.

I did my best, without a handbook or much guidance. I made mistakes. Sometimes they remind me. Often they hug me, we do all love each other, even when we fall out sometimes. It wasn't always easy, sometimes it was the best fun ever.

One of our parenting aims was to get our children to be independent as soon as possible. That included making their own sandwiches for school from about the age of 5. (No school dinners where we live). It worked well as they could choose the filling and were more likely to eat them. One of them became expert at making ‘gourmet’ sandwiches.
They also had to iron their own clothes (if they wanted them ironed) from about 11 or 12 years.
I see some adult children (mostly male), still living at home, whose mothers do everything for them, including preparing packed lunch for work. Not a great training for living independently, or with a partner. ?
The main aim of parenting is to turn children into responsible adults - that includes letting them learn the consequences of their own actions- no sandwiches made- no lunch!

I wasn't perfect either, and I tried to avoid the things that I thought my own parents had got wrong. Turns out I didn't really succeed in that, but the three boys still turned out fine.

- Take everything a child says seriously and talk to them on a reasonable level
- don't over-praise or over-scold. They know what you think and recognise it if you say something because you think it is the right thing to do, and not because you really mean it.
- Make sure that you say more to them than "No" and "stop that!" Share jokes!
- Nothing you say will have any effect - they only learn from what you do.

Perfectionism, whether in parenting or any other aspect of life, is obsessive and unachievable. Just do the best you can with the best you can. Your best is pretty likely to be more than good enough.

As my daughters became teenagers, they were very independent so I settled on two rules
1. Do not go on the back of a motor bike
2. Do not have a baby without being married.
When my eldest was in her forties and living in Bali, one of her friends posted a photo of my daughter on a moped. My daughter was horrified 'take it off, I'm not allowed'. Too late - I'd seen it!
Very funny though that the rules stuck although they seem a bit strange now.

1. Clear boundaries
2. Consistency
3. Cuddles and love daily
4. Listen as often as you talk

I was laid back about noise and mess but a stickler for good manners, honesty, and kindness.
I ended up with two adults who are kind, honest, and well mannered....and still can't manage tidy bedrooms!

Children learn more by example than they ever do from a rulebook.

I winged it most of the time, but I did always strive to be consistent and to follow through. If I said I was going to do something, whether it was a good thing or a punishment, I HAD to be prepared to follow through. That seemed to work well with my family - they always knew where they stood.

And I told them I loved them every day. Still do - and they tell me back. Just text messages but they mean a lot !

Consistency, calm, kindness and engagement - that's what I aim for with DGS as unfortunately I have found all 4 to be in short supply from his parents at certain times ?.
I think I was too stressed with DD as I was a 19 year old single parent so I will not pretend I was anywhere near perfect but I always did my best and she was never short of attention.

PECS one of DD's friends came from a home with no television. They were very nice people, but very serious. When their two children came to play with mine all they wanted to do was watch television. My two would get very frustrated because they wanted to play outside.

Doramarr I like your style! My four are spread over more than two decades but we didn't really have many rules. Now they are grown, my kids tell me their friends' parents were all much stricter than we ever were. My youngest claims she had to raise herself!

They've all turned out pretty well in spite of my ministrations and anyway, who would want a perfect parent? It would be an impossible ideal for any child to live up to!

Go DoraMarr!!

I had four in just over four years. I found a bit of benign neglect meant I kept my sanity and they learned to play on their own. I was also a stickler for a seven o’clock bedtime for them and a gin and tonic for me. They are all fine.

Keep lines of communication open always.

There is no such thing as a perfect parent, what is perfect for one child, is imperfect for another. No parent ever gets it all right

As for golden rules, read the above, it applies to rules as well.

I think my DS and DDiL are as near perfect parents as it gets.