Needing help

There is a bereavement counselling service called CRUISE -www.cruse.org.uk which provides help and support for those who have lost their loved ones. They are very good and help you understand that it is OK to feel the way you do. My sympathy is with you. You are not ugly or unloved - you have a loving family to prove that.

I cannot imagine your pain at the loss of both your father and husband so near together. It is very early days yet and your pain must still be very raw . As others have said you must try to get out and join things so that you met others .
My thoughts are with you Polskasue and I send you lots of love and hugs .

Bless you I too lost my husband and feel the same way I dont have any advice as I struggle myself. But I threw my self into work, I try and fight against the old ugly bit by joining a keep fit class and keeping up with trends. I spend time with my grand kids and I find comfort in keeping his grave nice. I live in the South East of England and there are no meetups in my area but perhaps you have one in your area?

Polskasue
Nothing I can say will fill the void but be assured that we here are thinking of you and I am hoping that the days get a little brighter when you revisit the many wonderful memories you made together.
Hang in there, the raw feelings will mellow into acceptance and you and your family will forge even tighter bonds.

Knew - not new!

I feel so sad for you. I can empathise, even though Ive never experienced such tragedy. But it is clear that many GN's have and you are not alone. Having been on my own for 30 years, I still get those feelings of loneliness constantly, even after all this time. Once you have got through those awful 'firsts', try to get out and join U3A etc. as some have suggested. Friends are your new family when you are on your own, although I'm sure your own family would be very supportive if they new how you were feeling. Sending big hugs and very best wishes.

I can only echo what others have said. It's the permanence of it all and we have to find a 'new normal'. My condolences sue.

Polskasue you have my deepest sympathy and I do feel for you.
My DH died 10 months ago -we too had been married 47 years and I can empathise with everything you say.
Bereavement is nothing like anything else you could imagine and each of us has to find our own way through it. But you need not be alone, like pippa and many on GN there have been many moving posts which helped me to realise I wasn’t the first, I won’t be the last and there is no easy way.
Hang on to the thought that your husband lives on in his/your children and grandchildren,.
The future can indeed feel like an abyss of loneliness. The early days after bereavement are unreal, everybody is especially kind and the shock numbs some of the pain. 10 months on the world is still turning, although you may wonder how and everybody is getting on with their life. But ours has “frozen” and will never be the same.
Hang on in there, share your feelings here on GN, I just keep hoping that while the pain will never leave me, I will eventually be better able to cope.

I can really understand how you feel, having lost my husband very suddenly in January after 46 years of marriage. Tuesday would have been out 47th Wedding anniversary, and my son arranged for flowers to be delivered, and my daughter took me out for the day. People will tell you it will get better, time will heal. If that is true it has not happened to me yet. I miss the silent companionship, I miss his presence in the house, the kiss good night and the waking up together in the morning. I even miss our disagreements. Nothing can every replace these small things. But like you I have a family, who have been an amazing support. I am in the process of moving back to Wales from Cyprus to be near them. I have a small network of very good old friends and some new ones here in Wales, who with the family give me a reason to think of tomorrow.

I am learning slowly to realise that my life has changed and will never be the same but I must live it, and be forever grateful for the time we had together.

Take care of yourself, we all grieve in different ways, but know you are not alone and there are many of us thinking of you at this time, Best wishes.

How sad, Polskasue, I am so sorry. It takes time to get over these tragedies and learn to live a different sort of life. I am sure you are not old, ugly and unloved. You have family who love you and need you. And, yes, it's the little things we miss, isn't it, like the morning cup of tea. You will never forget, but in time will learn to live alongside the hurt. Sending you my best wishes and sympathy.

Such sad and tragic losses for you.

Others on here will have been in your situation and will offer good advice.

I can offer only my thoughts and prayers.

I d just like to add my kind feelings for you What a terrible shock and there is nothing that can ease that awful time I hope your family realise how difficult it still is and wrap you in a caring blanket
Take care Polskasue xx

I’m so sorry for your sad loss sue. Please be gentle with yourself. If I’ve understood correctly and apologies if not you are coming up to a year without your much loved husband and also the anniversary of your Dad’s death. Yes, the little things are daily reminders and trigger strong feelings. You will find much understanding here I know, please accept a hug from me.

I am sorry for your loss and all the changes in your life. I understand your feelings about not getting a cup tea in the mornings, following my divorce, I also missed my morning cup of coffee that my husband used to bring me. It is those little things that we miss so much.

Have you tried joining a local group such as the WI or the U3A? I am a member of some internet groups on Meetup and enjoy going out for meals and to social events with other single people - there are many different interest groups including some just for women and friendship.