worried about dying

you pleasure - not to pleasure!

My Mum used to say "I do NOT want to live to be 100!" as she lit another cigarette - she lived to be nearly 98!

We are debating whether to replace our old conservatory but are worried by the big outlay of money and wondering if we would "get the use" (another of my mum's!)

I think if it would bring to pleasure, as others have said, then go for it

My dad was like that and talked about it was time he was gone from his early 60's (he was 89 when he died!) - he was very generous and would give anyone anything but he often said it 'would see him out' if Mum wanted something new.

We are currently refurbishing a bungalow and everything in it apart from 2 sofas which are only 3 years old anyway will be new. I do keep thinking this is probably the last time we will be buying any of these things but equally if we needed to replace something further down the line and could afford it we wouldn't put it off due to our age. If you can afford new furniture and it will give you pleasure seeing it every day go ahead and do it.

There are no pockets in a shroud.
If I want something I think,from now on I shall buy it.

I agree, don't worry about not spending in case you'll need to go into care - the government will take everything you would have spent anyway, spend it on yourself and enjoy.

NanaEm

I wouldn’t let the worry about dying stop me buying things big or small. I take the view I’ll probably end up in a care home somewhere and the government will take whatever money I have along with my house to pay for it. Until then I’ll spend the money I’ve worked for in whatever way makes me and my family happy. Gillybob your post about your grandma made me laugh. My grandfather wanted the opposite, he claimed he was 100 to get “the telegram” but died the year after aged 98!!

I think I'm in denial about death. I know It's inevitable but cannot dwell on it. Although if I'd been a single mum like you gillybob I would maybe feel differently.
I have signed a legal agreement to make sure my friend's disabled son will be looked after if she dies however as we are the same age I'm not sure how realistic that is. She is a widow so perhaps it is comforting.

I'm too busy spending money on repairs to think about big purchases.

Silverlining we could do with new sofas too, because the springing has gone all soft but there's too much choice out there! Also the concern of whether a modern sofa will be as good quality as our current ones, which could be reupholstered, I guess.

I've been looking for a new kitchen table for about 12 years, too.

Amongst some of my Glaswegian friends that's known as 'It'll see me oot,' syndrome ie you'll never need to buy another one because what you've got will last you.

I was shocked when on Saturday two friends, both about 70yo and not in ill-health, said they no longer bought anything much. I'm a bit younger but I can't imagine not having nice things around me.

We have recently replaced two 25 year old sofas, so realistically consider that what we have now will ‘see us out’. A scary thought but at least I won’t need to agonise which, out of thousands, to choose thank goodness!
Though we do need a new bed as ours is quite elderly, and the dining room suite etc definitely needs redecorating and replacing. Oh dear! More headaches.

This post has come as quite a shock to me because I have never felt like that.
I am 70 so no longer a youngster but I have no intention of going anywhere for a number of years! Well I hope not

I have had my house recently refurbished but most things have been "for the last time". If I need a new jacket I would buy it because it is required now. Ditto if I needed a new bed- my comfort comes fairly high up the list.

It is interesting to me that others feel that way. My mother in her 80s will not buy anything new,her house and furnishings are becoming really tatty but she says it is not worth replacing anything. If I ask what she is saving her money for she says it is for me, I do not need it and would rather she spent it on herself, she says there will be more pleasure for her knowing I am getting something rather than her having new furnishings.

My MIL has been saying the same for the last 15 years!

My late grandma talked about dying right through her 80's then when she reached her 90th birthday seemed to have a new lease of life. She never spoke about dying again until she announced that she didn't want a telegram "from that woman" and passed away in her 99th year.

I feel like that too, Travelsafar.
At 82 I'm very aware that I've entered the last stage of my life and am trying to prepare myself mentally for the inevitable.
And always brought up to be careful with money.
My husband is a little younger, and his attitude is more like Grammaretto's - you can't take it with you.
His view is if there's nothing left the family can't fall out over it. Which is the last thing either of us want. TG they're all very close at the moment.

Oh travelsafar I can totally understand your feelings. I have always had an unhealthy fear of dying so i know exactly what you mean. For me, I think it started as a young single mum when I worried what would happen to my baby if......

Then my second husband died very young and again the fear of death reared its ugly head....

More recently I go through times when I almost plan for the inevitable (its pretty bad at the moment as I know 2 people who have died suddenly, both younger than me) and like you I avoid making any purchases that are not completely necessary. This can go as far as an item of clothing !

My problem (I think) stems from worrying what family members would do without me. I don't mean that in a vain way at all, I have just always looked after older and younger family members since I can remember.

I think some kind of counselling to help put things into prospective might help but can't really afford it. Have you confided your feelings to a family member ?

I am the exact opposite. I am giving myself more treats than ever because I can't see the point in waiting for them. We've been on three holidays this year already which is unheard of but health concerns mean we have to do it now or never will!

But I do see what you mean about expensive new furniture. I'd love a new kitchen but would rather spend on the family or on holidays.

I'm still waiting for my win on the premium bonds!

I agree with jenpax.
I like what I have, but if I didn’t, I wouldn’t have any qualms about changing them, providing the expenditure wasn’t going to make serious inroads into my savings.
I would find it a bit miserable being surrounded by things I didn’t like.

But travelsafar I think your worries perhaps go a little deeper than whether you should replace household items or not?
I agree that it’s not pleasant to reflect that we might not be here for many more years but I think the answer, as advocated by the mother of a friend of mine many years ago, is to ‘enjoy every minute, it will never come again’.

It's something about not wasting money. That was dinned into me in my youth. Maybe to OP too? Peter Kay the comedian talks about his Gran not buying new things 'these trousers will see me out!'
I spend money on transitory things like holidays and meals out but hold back somehow on the more permanent items.
Maybe I've cleared too many relatives' houses and dont want to make more work for family clearing mine? I don't know. The OP is not alone!

Do you think that you can’t really see the benefit of new furniture as you are able to lay out money on fun expenses? The question you have to ask yourself is will the new purchases give you pleasure and if the answer is yes then just go ahead after all you can’t take it with you?