worried about dying

My main fear about dying is that I will be buried or cremated alive. I am going to specify that I want full embalming then at least if I'm going to come round before I die it will be out on a table where someone can see me, not locked in a box.

I'm rather with BlueBelle on this. Don't mind going but the method has me a bit ruffled. I also have a friend who asked me to do her a favour by making sure she IS dead. Think she has nightmares about people who have been buried alive. My current problem is being able to part with 'stuff' when it is at all serviceable. I know without doubt this has been inherited from hardship as a child. I've just had my kitchen redone even though I'm moving into ancient and the difficulty of parting with quality electrical accessories, baking accoutrements etc is unbelievably pathetic even though they haven't been used for ages. I'm getting there. My wants are few but I certainly indulge them without hesitation irrespective of longevity. Since we can't see the future it seems like a good idea to pamper oneself in case it is a lengthy one.

This is a very interesting topic. I didn't know I felt in a similar way - or rather perhaps I haven't admitted it until now - about buying new things like furniture. I buy clothes etc but not the 'big' stuff, thinking 'is it worth it?'. My excuse is that we have cats who'd ruin anything new and GC who's first priority is NOT picking up after themselves or clearing up the mess they tend to leave [depending on age!]. Hmm. It's got me thinking.......

As for death itself, it doesn't bother me too much; it's inevitable. I've had a couple of close calls and pleased that neither has been the final one.

I can understand your concerns about dying Travelsafar, most people don't want to pop their clogs either! However, throughout my entire life I have endured ups and downs and far more downs than ups, and now I'm gloriously content with my lot, I want to stay that way! I left home at 15 due to a lousy family life. Someone ‘did’ me for way over a hundred thousand during the Lamont and Major recession and after 6 years of hard graft building my company, I had to face creditors in 1992. Believe me, that was traumatic! Now, at a mere 73, and terribly happily married to an incredible and gorgeous lady, with a wonderful son, d-i-l and two beautiful grandchildren and fully settled, I am treating my Sweetheart and I to whatever we fancy WITH NO GUILT. We have managed our finances well, have a fine home and when we pass on, there will be plenty for all. Before that, we will continue to give unwanted items to charity and replace them with acquisitions that give us pleasure. Unlike my super healthy Darling, although I am fit and lean through Tai Chi, exercise and walking miles, I do have diabetes T2 with peripheral neuropathy, heart disease, a bicuspid valve with murmur, and suffer from AF, and only last Thursday had a tumour removed from my forehead, so I know that my bucket list needs to be emptied fast, but hey folks, we are positive and enjoying life to the hilt and will do so until we drop. Go for it, get the car and furniture of your dreams AND ENJOY!

Travelsafar.
You will have gathered on reading my comments I am not in sympathetic mode so all I can say is live for the moment stop worrying what might happen and indulge yourself. We have no control over what will befall our children once we are gone so give them your time now and help in any way you can.

My parents in law had a lot of money in the bank from the sale of properties. They took a lot of persuasion to spend their money on themselves, because lifetime habits of thrift didn't allow them to get new things when they needed them without a mental struggle. They actually told our children that they had saved up all their money from not buying new things! (And that we were spendthrifts for spending our money when we needed to).

It sounds like the sticking point is spending money on yourself rather than others. I'm sure your family would love to see you easing up and treating yourself a bit.

My friend's father had new carpets fitted throughout his house when he was 92.
We were discussing a new car last week, DH asked if I would drive it after he is gone and I said no, I don't drive it now so why would I ? He always buys the biggest 7 seater on the market, except for a personnel carrier.
If something gives you pleasure and you can afford it why not just indulge yourself.

None of us know the hour or the day, and we don’t have any control over our dying, so it’s a waste of life to worry over-much.
It’s prudent to make sure that one’s affairs are in order as regards wills, funeral wishes etc., but having done that, get on and enjoy the ‘golden years’ as much as your physical health will allow.
I suppose I do worry a little about how my family will get on without me, but maybe that’s vanity.
One concession I have made as I approach my inevitable demise, is to invest in good pieces of furniture that I know will become family heirlooms. I can enjoy them, and then they will be handed on to those who will also get pleasure from them. I’m not talking priceless antiques here, my purse is not that deep, just decent stuff which will last, and which I know will continue to be loved.

We bought good quality carpets, certain that they would see us out, but the cats knocked over a bottle of bleach that flowed out and wrecked the hall carpets, the grandchildren spilt red ink on living room and hall carpet, and having replaced twice, the radiator leaked and we had to replace again, you just can't plan!

Being a bit of a control freak, I do wish I knew how long I had left before chronic illness sets in, trying to make savings last is difficult when you don't know how much you can spend each year. I fear I am mentally calculating how many more Christmases we are likely to spend together, how many summer holidays etc. We have just replaced our cars with 'new' four year old ones, and don't really intend buying again. I do have the feeling 'make the most of the time you are still fit and able' and we have been on some fantastic holidays. We are house rich, income poor, but can't downsize as still have adult children living with us in a very expensive part of the Country. Volunteering in a hospice, I am not so bothered about the process of dying, for the vast majority it is slowly slipping into a coma and then breathing your last unaware that you are doing so, but I do dread the disability and loss of dignity that can precede it.

You don't mention how old you are travelsafar, at least not in your original post. My 94 year old Mum has that attitude but then surprised us by buying a new 3 piece suite for her sitting room this year! You can't take it with you so why not treat yourself?

My best friend of 48 yrs died so suddenly in June- it's stunned me, we are both 68....and I cant stop thinking Sod it! You only have one life, and it could end tomorrow, so my attitude has changed from a careful "must build up the bank account" to "if I want it -get it" or splash on the grandkids . I've just come back for 2 months in US seeing our son, and for my birthday 2 weeks ago, I bought myself what I always fancied - a jukebox! Life could be snatched away, and what good is a healthy bank account, when you cant use the card!

Like Gerry 86,I feel quite melancholic about wondering how long i will have left to see my beautiful granddaughters grow in to adulthood,I am enjoying every minute with them though,I don't worry about material things,if anything needs replacing,I will do it within reason,and go on nice holidays etc

My father bought a brand new car at 80. When I commented to my husband I wondered why my dad was buying a new car at his age, the reply was "because he intends to live long enough to enjoy it". He lived to 91.

I wouldn't say I have a fear of dying but I do sometimes wonder how much of my grandchildren's lives I will see.

My dad is 89 with a terminal illness , he is spending with abandon , I think looking up things to buy is keeping him going lol

I buy what I want when I want and surround myself with beautiful clothes, furniture etc. I’ve worked hard all my life so it’s my duty to myself now to enjoy every single day .... travel, quality time with friends and family and literally do all I can while I still can. I have made all financial and other plans for my death, now I just forget it and totally live for today.

It's really silly to worry about death though I do. When we were very young we knew of a young family who were killed by an overloaded harvest lorry which just tipped over them in their car and I just hate driving past them in the autumn. Re sofas I'm of the the buy cheap buy twice belief and we are blessed with Delcor up here in the north who will reupholster. The trouble is DH says they are dated- I say classic- although like KittyL I am struggling to get out of them . Why do chairs to get out of easily look so old people's home. Why can't they design something comfortable stylish and easy to get out of?

You can’t take it with you, enjoy it while you can. Anyway new furniture would not be a waste as it will be welcomed by the charity shops with open arms.

If you can afford it, spend it. No use once you've gone so why not enjoy being comfortable on a new sofa or in a new bed? Dinnae stint yersel' .
I downsized last year, got rid of the big furniture and am taking pleasure in buying replacements and getting the new, much smaller cottage how I want it and comfortable for me. I don't have a new BMW on the drive, but I do have a 'new' 3 year old 4x4 Volvo. I was totally shocked at myself when I walked into a garage and came out with it. Suddenly, after 6 years of widowhood, I'm learning to do this stuff on my own. The biggest decisions, and most expensive, seem to be the easiest so far and, yes, I know I'm lucky to be in a position to do this. Once I've 'gone', my 3 children will be ok but I'm not sitting back and saving it all for them just in case I might die next week. You just can't live with that mentality.

For everyone who wondered how old I am.
I bought the new BMW for my 70th.
I don't intend to start dying until probably the day I die! ?
I'm not going to have a great big build up to it, (or should that be a big slow down).
Live every day as much as you can, if it means spending on things that you might not get "full use out of" So what.
I believe that was the OP, do I feel worried about spending on things, as I might die, my answer is No.
We've been dying since the day we were born, we could go under a bus tomorrow, who knows!!!!

I'm now almost 54 and it terrifies me. I have 2 ponies and constantly worry about how I will cope as I get older, and yet can't imagine life without them. I'm always mentally calculating how many years I may have left.

We all only live one day at a time no matter our age, make the most of your life and do what makes you happy. Life’s too short to worry, take a deep breath and release yourself from this pain of overthinking. If you want new soft furnishings have them.

Carpe Diem - Seize The Day

There are no shops in the churchyard!

A beloved family member sadly died yesterday - aged 60.

Need I say more?

I feel just like you do

I recently bought some beautiful Designers Guild bedding in a sale. Even at sale prices it was quite an outlay but I thought if I don't buy nice stuff now I'm never going to.