worried about dying

Readymeals. If you die in hospital you are' not rushed into a chiller '. A doctor confirms death by checking there are no breath sounds listening to the chest with a stethoscope, checks there is no pulse and no heart sounds. Also checks the pupils do not react to light by shining a torch into the eyes. Death is confirmed carefully and thoroughly.

Synonymous, you really should feel chuffed after all that chugging. What an impressive list of things sorted. Hopefully it's now time to sit back and enjoy the fruits of your labours. ??

We are not worried about dying because, although we know that it is inevitable some day, "we are not staying in to await it's arrival" and are just loving living in the moment. We are also thoroughly enjoying our family and watching them flourish.
We have been incredibly busy since we downsized four years ago. We have totally redecorated and had a new roof, ensuite, new bathroom and cloakroom, new kitchen, new heating system, new hot water system, pv panels, riser recliner armchair each, fantastic new bed and some new carpets and are still planning on replacing other carpets. Had a woodburner installed and some new windows, new curtains and blinds too. Would like to refit the fitted wardrobes, replace the exterior lighting and finish off the internal lighting. We are currently going through our clothes and getting rid of stuff that doen't fit or is worn and replacing with things we like.
We are sorting out the garage and fitting it out as a workshop for DH. We have been having the garden remodelled and had raised beds made for growing vegetables. We have planted at least 24 trees and loads of shrubs and perennials and been busy freezing, jamming, bottling and preserving all kinds of foodstuffs grown in the garden. We have some lovely people coming in to help with all the things we can't physically manage and are really enjoying living the 'extra' years beyond our allotted "three score years and ten".
We are not in the best of health and have certainly had some challenges and difficulties to overcome in the last couple of years but we are still chugging along! We have lots of things we want to do and are too busy to worry about anything that might happen who knows when. With all the home improvements we have been doing our DC will have no difficulty selling up and we are keeping everything neat and tidy so that we can enjoy living in our home and there will not be too much for them to sort out either,
Crumbs! Reading that lot back makes me feel pretty exhausted just thinking about it all! And pretty chuffed at what we hsve achieved too!

Travelsfar Put the idea of dying to the back of your mind! Get your new soft furnishings & enjoy them & be positive. Get a gardener or handy man when the gardening feels to much to cope with,same goes for window cleaner every 6/8 weeks is ample.There is no reason at all,to think you may need to move into a flat one day.I presume you live in a house,no problem,have a stair lift fitted.I also see you have grown up children! Do they not come & visit! I say this because my wife & I used to go regualy to my fathers,& do all his jobs for him that he could not manage even our 2 sons used to keep the garden tidy for him.now we are still doing the same for my wifes mother.We go every week without fail to see her & She is 97years young.Our two sons 48 & 46 years old & their familys go weekly as well.they still take her shopping every week to Morrisons,In her wheelchair,& look after her garden for her. I like to think its the way we brought them up.To appreciate everything,& nothing in this life is free,if you want something then you work & save up for it,& you do not buy something you cannot afford.As for mother inlaw we say to her if you have your mind set on buying something just buy it.I should also say this does not bode well with wifes brothers & sisters,they all think she should make do with what shes got,But then again they only visit her once in a blue moon for a quick cup of tea & then they are of. Its not as if they live miles away,they live the nearest.So dont um & are Travelsafar go ahead & buy your new furniture,even if you have to forgo a holiday to pay for it.There`s nothing wrong in taking a holiday in this country

And then there are the young ones, who so cruelly die too too early, sometimes leaving small children behind. Now that is tragic, and we who are old(er) should value and be grateful to have had a long life. Time is precious, enjoy each and every day.

I've just this minute been talking to my 103 year old Aunt. She's fed up, frail, completely compos mentis but wants to die; she says her number hasn't been called! Each day she hopes is D day. The only way she reckons she'll go is to have a fall, go into hospital and 'die of boredom or hospital food'! She has 3 pensions, plenty of money but won't let me sort out new carpets to replace thread bare ones or replace her 40 year old bed, as she won't reap the benefit. .This has been going on for years. Just think how much pleasure she would have had if she'd gone for it! If we knew when our number was up we could spend accordingly but it doesn't work like that sadly. Just do it and don't think of how long? or when?

Having reached three score years and ten I tend to think I'm just filling in time until the grim reaper comes. When I thought we might have a roof problem last year (we hadn't as it turned out) my reaction was that we only need the roof for another ten years or so. Same with re-decorating the dining room and buying a new carpet (present one about 20 years old, slightly faded at one side and some marks from small GDs) - why bother, it will see us out. When I retired I thought how much I had to squeeze in because I was in the last stage of life, probably not many years left - improve my foreign language skills, read more books etc and made a good start on this but now I feel it's not worth it. Yes, I keep thinking what I have will see me out.

My husband decided we should get a cat, after a long gap without one. He said he had been put off by the thought of the upset when a pet dies, but reckoned now the chances were that the cat would outlive us, and the cat could do the grieving.

We all worry about dying at times, and about how those we leave behind will manage without us, too . This is not purely vanity, as I see it, but part of loving other people.

However, there is nothing we can do to avoid death, so when I find myself worrying about death or having a day when I feel less strong than I would like, I try to tell myself that it makes sense to enjoy life as it is right now.

Nobody knows what is round the next corner after all.

One thing, on a cursory glance, that I haven't seen mentioned is ENERGY. All you young grans seem to be able to consider all sorts of purchases and possibilities.
I live out in the sticks and just the thought of searching for replacement stuff fills me with dread. I lived in the Far East until 20 years ago and could find stuff I actually liked with ease even though I am not of standard Chinese size,.
My tastes may be regarded as strange by manufacturers in the UK ie for clothing I want classic stuff that fits in good material in pleasing colours Have not found this in clothing or shoes within a 50 mile radius and no, I don't think I would be picked out as looking so extraordinary that I can't possibly be catered for.
For household stuff, I have tried places like John lewis (45 mins away). I have not found the quality to be particularly good.
On one occasion the staff have been somewhat strange ie on 'demonstrating' a knife, the young girl sliced the top of her finger..... panic.... Blood... and we went home.On stating my preferences for a new tv, I received many printouts but no-one could actively help me find what I needed... nor do I find that manufacturers produce goods that would answer my or satisfy my expectations So I stick with my old brown furniture, my 25 year old Panasonic tv , my 15 y.o. Miele carpet cleaner, my Neff microwave.... tried and tested
I feel no need to keep up with the Joneses so manufacturers should attempt to produce stuff that appeals to me

Marmight You hit the nail on the head!! If i was downsizing to another home which is what i really want to do but OH disagrees, then i would have no worries about splurging on new everything, it's the thought of buying new stuff for a house i dont really want to be in which is the problem in a nutshell i think.

I guess you re worrying about living not dying

When my children were young they hated going to see their granny because she lived in an "old lady house". I could see their point as it was dull, dated, brown and depressing! There were never any toys or things to entertain them and it was all very formal. I have told my daughter she is to warn me if she sees my house going the same way! I don't spend a fortune but I like my house and myself to look reasonab.y up to date. I have also noticed that folk who keep up to date also have a younger more modern outlook on life. I say spend money on things that give you pleasure, there are no pockets in a shroud and you'll be a long time dead!!!

Sorry to read that you feel like that Travelsafar.....I don't share the same sentiments though. I'm in my mid seventies, and my OH in his early 80's. We moved house three years ago and I got rid of so much large, worn out and outdated furnishing and bought new. We have both found it such a pleasure to have new and comfortable furniture in our home - it makes me feel happy and very content at this stage in my life. It's impossible to feel sad or miserable when you are comfortable, satisfied and enjoy the space that you live in.

Interesting MOnica. I did that with regard to a replacement carpet. The Axminster I was replacing had been there for 38 years and I still loved it. Decided on a 'realistic' (!!!) and cheaper replacement of 20 years. We can but hope! However, it hasn't half the quality of my original and I kinda regret not indulging myself. Oh no, it isn't awful. Just not terrific.

Would it be possible to draw up a spreadsheet listing various items and how much more life you would want to feel you had before you made a buying decision;

For example
New sweater 1 year
New winter coat 3 years
New fridge 5 years
New cooker 10 years
New sofa 20 years

and so on. It would certainly aid decision making.

Lots of handy hints in this thread. A check out check list. I like the idea of making sure I have a fully charged phone in my hand just in case there's a wee spark left. Also wondering if I could get myself reupholstered. Looking a bit frayed around the edges lately. Some friends have just abbreviated "see me out" to does it pass the SMO test?

Good to see so many Grans gloriously "SKI - ing" into the sunset.
*SKI=Spending Kids Inheritance

I would treat yourself to all the new things you fancy and enjoy them all. You could live to be one of the people we see on TV who have lived to a great old age and being interviewed as an example of old age and good health. On yesterdays TV we saw a couple aged 91 & 92 who had recently married each other after both being widowed after 60 yrs of marriage to their previous spouses. They laughingly said they were"nt having a honeymoon as they could,nt leave the cat! Both looked marvelous given their ages and seemed to have a positive outlook on life.
Think of the pleasure and comfort you will get from sleeping on a new bed or sitting on a new sofa ( beds are supposed to be renewed after 10 yrs in any case). I think the generation who lived throughout the war probably find it the hardest to do this , with all of the rationing and frugality that had to take place for survival which makes it all the more sense to enjoy it all now.

The point is, when they start embalming you and yuo're alive they will immediately see your blood isn't clotted and hasn't stopped flowing. So that will alert them. Unfortunately in hospital if you die of an illness, death is a very gradual process, and breathing becomes less detectable. Once someone decides you're dead, unless you have family who insist on seeing you before they take you away, you get put in a chiller very quickly. Once in the chiller a) you get chilled into unconsciousness if you are alive and b) no one can see if you made a slight movement. I'd not be so worried if I was going to be left in room temperature after death until all the blood had pooled - within a few hours death becomes obvious then. But not as fast as we sometimes get filed away into cold storage.

I can understand Travelsafar how you are feeling but don't completely agree.
I am a widow aged 81 with a dog and a cat and live completely alone. When my husband died 2yrs ago, I felt exactly like you. I don't have a lot in savings but have come to the way of thinking that while I am here I should enjoy the money that I have, rather than leave it to my 4 children who will just have a great time spending their share.
I don 't go mad but have bought a new sofa and rugs recently. I have also got rid of my spare bed in order to turn the room into a craft room. A few minutes ago I ordered a fold up bed in it's place.
I consider that what I have is there by hard work over the years. I don't know how many more years I will have but to live longer than my pets is my hope.
Please don't feel guilt at buying what will give you pleasure. It is your life, your home and your money to do whatever you like.

My DF died aged 49, once past that milestone I don't give it much thought as DM is 89 & going strong (she started planning her 90th Birthday when she was 88).

When DH & I downsized nearly 7 years ago we bought new furniture, most of it fitted into my new home (I moved 3 years ago). My car is 6 years old but low mileage, unlikely I will replace it. I do buy things when I want them, DD would not like me to go without, I try not to buy "clutter" as she'll have to get rid of everything but I do buy what I want need. I am 63 & life expectancy where I live in Devon is almost 90, I'm not going to go without or buy things that "will see me out" as I may have another 26.5 years left on earth

I would say that the chance of that happening is infinitesimal. If you die of an illness then all the symptoms will be there, your organs will gradually shut down and finally your heart stop beating.

If you die in your sleep your whole body changes. My mother died in her sleep I saw her a few hours later and her whole face and body had changed, there could be no doubt that her life had reached its irrevocable end.

The other thing are that the medical checks for end of life include brain stem monitoring are also fail safe when my sister died after a road accident and we agreed to donate her organs for transplant. She was wired up to a machine and her brain monitored for any sign of activity several times and there was nothing.

These stories of people being buried alive date to a previous age or to cultures where burial followed death, usually within hours and there was not the necessary knowledge or medical intervention that is necessary in any modern country.

Finally you do not want to be buried alive, but you are saying you would be content to be embalmed alive?

Lucky you being able to afford renewing all those material objects. Just make sure you have enough for funeral expenses. No pockets in shrouds!!!

After my mother died in 1995 I felt I was going to die too and therefore couldn't face buying anything new. That was a long time ago and I'm still here. I'm 68 and I really need a new sofa and the thought of death won't stop me.

Try not to worry and enjoy each day. I am quite looking forward to death in one respect, but would like to linger here a little longer.
When I visit people in Care and Nursing Homes I count my blessings that I am still mobile and independent.
Brought up in the North of England we didn't have a lot of money in the 50's and we were taught to save and only buy something when you could afford it.....no credit.....great problem of today! (it only cost sixpence in those days to go to the cinema)!!

There is more to life than material things but it doesn't hurt to indulge at times! You are not alone, many fear death and I think it is good to talk about it.