How our social lives have changed

I was bought up in the 60s, and the only nights out I can remember my parents having was 'the works do'.
We would eat in a cafe at times on our annual holiday, which was a big event, but probably only once or twice in our 2 weeks break.

I never ate out as a child apart from weddings, and then everyone ate in a sort of embarrassed silence. Money was an issue of course. When I arrived at Uni there were few restaurants other than in hotels, and the ubiquitous Chinese who served a weird 3 course meal for 2/6 (25p in new money). Soup was either cream of mushroom or cream of chicken, both made up from some sort of powder. Sweet & Sour Pork was a tiny bit of pork fat in a huge bubble of batter. How things have changed! We think nothing of spending £3 on a coffee, never mind eating out!

My Granny hahd a great social life and as Granpa didn't dance she went to dances on her own with friends,usually church dances or at the Labour club,she was very politically active and spent a lot of time on rallies and demonstrations and my grandfather took care of the kids and sewed for family friends and neighbours ( he was a tailor) She ,even when quite old would eat out alone at lunchtime and was well known in some of Glasgows best restaurants .My mother in contrast was a real homebird

I remember that Tweed perfume oldbatty it used to smell like wee on me.
I had some perfume in a tiny round red bottle with a pointed silver top called White Fire.
We thought we were quite the thing in the late 60's going to the Berni Inn for that menu
annsixty

I don't remember my Grandma ever eating out or having so much as a cup of tea out. Possibly at somebodys home?
I remember her preparing High Tea which was something like bacon and eggs and then a selection of cakes. THe table would be all set and covered in a sort of fine mesh table cloth prior to us taking out places.

Mother had some social activities connected to the Church and very very occasionly a dinner dance. This involved a long dress and long white gloves and a dab of Tweed perfume behind the ears.

Growing up, there were no cafes but a bakers shop had a few plastic chairs and you could sit with a drink there.
I had never consumed alcohol so didn't really know anything about it, until I had a pint of cider which reappeared pretty quickly.
A bygone age for sure.

annsixty You brought back some memories! In the sixties a work friend and I would treat ourselves once a month - on pay day- to just that menu -prawn cocktail, steak and black forest gateau (but not the sherry!) That was in Cardiff and it cost the princely sum of 7s 6d!

Can't remember my Granny having much of a social life apart from WI, we lived in a small village & she would have been involved in village events such as Flower Show, Sports Day etc. I was only 8 when she died & she had been ill for a few years before.

DM has always had an active social life & still has in her late 80s. Didn't eat out much & usually had picnics if we went out for the day.

I was born in 1955, learnt to play Whist by the age of 10 & played most Saturday nights until I was about 15 when I discovered boys & sometimes went out with friends. It was difficult living in a village with not much of a bus service (nothing into Town after 6.00pm, no way home). Once I passed my test & got my 1st car I was never at home. Life changed when I had DD, prior to that we used to go to the local pubs a lot & often a late Indian meal on a Saturday.

When I met late DH we would go out for Family Birthdays & occassionaly as a treat. Never had a coffee when shopping, preferring to get an M&S sandwich & a cream cake to enjoy at home.

Since being widowed & moving to a new area where I didn't know any-one I have had to make new friends & join new groups. I don't mind my own company, walking into a pub on my own, sitting in a bar/cafe/restaurant for a drink/meal but it is nice at times to have company. DM would never have walked into a pub on her own except the village pub.

DD goes out frequently for coffee with friends/ meals out, my 2 DGS are 15 months & 8 so DD often goes out to meet friends her house is small, too small for entertaining other Mums & their children . We sometimes meet at a local supermarket's cafe on a Sunday for a coffee if DD has been to a car boot, good excuse for us all to meet up

My maternal grandparents were born in the early 1880s, both from large working class Welsh families where the door was always open to neighbours, cousins, aunts, uncles etc. My GF did not like his home being an 'open house'.
So he escaped to the pool halls, boxing clubs and working mens clubs in his youth. My GM was something of a social climber, a flirt and a bit of a snob. She once asked everyone to call her by a different surname because she thought it was much more sophisticated than her own! When my GPs married in 1910 their social activities included the bowls club, a cycling club, rambling, tea dances and whist drives. In the early 1930s they and their two daughters moved to London. My GF saw it as an opportunity to break the ties with their numerous gregarious relatives in Wales and told no-one where they had moved to. But it didn't take long for someone to track them down and soon various Welsh aunties & uncles were 'popping up to visit' them.

My Mum (born in 1912) was not a very sociable person. Nearly all her friends were work colleagues and she was happy for them to visit us at home, but she loathed parties, dinners and social occasions, she just wasn't confident. When I was small she used me as an excuse not to go, when I reached my teens she insisted I went with her which caused arguments and resentment on my part.

I was born in 1950. I don't ever remember eating out as a child, except when we were on holiday at the seaside when we went to the local pub in the evening and sat outside with our drinks and crisps. My GM thought this was very bold and kept trying to hide her drink!

When I started work in the City in the mid 60s my Mum was quite shocked that I went to a pub for lunch most days - it was the norm. "But you're only 16!" she said. I didn't tell her I'd been hanging out in pubs for at least two years.

Mum never really overcame her social awkwardness and when DH and I were getting married she said she'd prefer to stay at home and look at the photos afterwards! But she knew she couldn't opt out, however she chose the plainest dull beige coloured outfit she could find in an effort to become invisible. But I think she enjoyed the day - several gin & tonics helped - and I even saw her dancing with my FIL!

I always used to enjoy a good party, wedding, wake or knees-up but I must confess that as I get older it is less appealing, perhaps because failing hearing makes social events difficult. But our AC and GC all eat out and socialise frequently and it is nice to see the GCs confidence and ease in restaurants and cafes.

Sorry this is so long, I got a bit carried away there!

Your mum Sounds a bit like my late grandma OldMeg . She was still charming the gents well into her 90’s . I remember taking her to a regular hospital app when she was 99 . She was quite the celebrity in the department and boy did she love the attention .

My mother (born 1919) took herself off to an ashram in India once when she was in her 50s! She used to happily travel the length and breadth of the UK by train alone, to visit friends and relatives, though if you went to station to meet her at the end of a journey somehow there was always an elderly gent helping her with her luggage.

My parents married in 1955 and until they got divorced when I was 15 in the early seventies, they never once went out together or separately in the evening. I didn't even realise that other people's parents had a 'social life' until I was about 13. Dad worked shifts as a policeman but I'm pretty sure that was not the reason, maybe they were short of money - certainly they argued about money all the time. I remember Mum always wanted a cup of tea in a cafe when we went shopping for new winter coats for the 3 children (once every 2 years, to C&A at Wembley) but she never got one as dad said she could make one when we got home. Ironically after their divorce it was dad who was always in Debenhams cafe with his cappuccino and danish and his lady friends ?

Blimey going out!

Mum was one of 13 and she was the family carer and more or less brought up her siblings due to name health and gramps was a at the time a farm hand who worked all hours .

It was always a family joke later on in life that ' Gramps came home at least 16 times'. (16 because 3 children died very young).

Mum was the dearest of souls and had little education , struggled to read and write and I have said before on a thread re reading to our kids I think , mum never read us bedtime stories because she couldn't.

Dad was a big Union man and that took all of his spare time, something he came to regret. Like most men the head of the family but we had a tele and a car and that was about the best life could get if you measure it by money and chattel's not live and cuddles. The latter is of course the most important to a child.

Going out was a treat on mums birthday to the Bernie Inn at Bath. She would wear her twin set and pleated tweed skirt given to her by aunt and put on her lipstick. She might have even had a hairdressers appointment, wow.

The thing is they were not a lot different from their family / peer group at the time so it was not a case of hardship nor a case of wanting what others may have. Just getting on with it and making the best of it all. It's fair to say in latter years of their marriage finances etc. improved , it did for most people.

I don’t have any friends to have a social life with ( oh dear that sounds terribly like I’m feeling sorry for myself which I’m not ) . It’s just the way it is . I do have a sister and 2 lovely girl cousins but no proper friends . I think it stems from being a single parent from a young age and then a young widow and then working in an all male environment for almost 30 years . I’ve just never had chance to make girl friends . I tend to go for walks on my own which I don’t mind .

My mother, born in 1909, always had a better social life than I did, she went to whist drives and on holiday with the WI. Her forte was drink and nibbles parties for her female friends, she kept this up right until she died. My social life is the odd lunch out with DH and birthdays shared with a friend.

My dad was not concerned what my mother did he was happy with his whisky and ciggies. My mother however loved to entertain. Dinner parties were her speciality. I would have been in bed .Too late for me should would say. I can never remember her meeting friends for coffee but did we drink coffee in the fifties ? Occasionally she would take me ,on a Saturday afternoon, when we had finished shopping, to a local tea shop where it served 'afternoon teas' consisting of Welsh rarebit , sardines on toast or tea and toasted teacakes. Later in my teens and on a Saturday night I would meet my friend in a local café where we would have without fail? Sausage and chips.

My DF always worked shifts (Police), so evenings out were limited by his working hours. Whenever there was a chance though, we were all out at a hotel for dinner.
DF was brought up by his DM, she had left her husband, as he was abusive. She sadly died when DF was 15 and he lived alone from then until he met and married my DM when he was 30.
DM occasionally went out with friends, but DH only wanted to spend time with DM and me. His life revolved around us, perhaps owing to all the time he'd spent alone. It was a bit suffocating at times, but both DM and I knew why he felt that way.
We never ate in cafés with DF, he would only ever eat in restaurants in hotels, he liked silver service.
DH also always worked shifts, and I worked unsocial hours, so our evenings out were limited too, but we ate out when we got the chance.
DS & DDiL eat out regularly with DGS, he loves Wagamama, and practically inhales their mini chicken ramen, at the age of two! They go swimming first thing every Sunday, so always have breakfast at Starbucks, Costa or similar, where DGS always has a Babyccino!
DDiL sees her Uni friends for spa weekends 5-6 times a year, and DS goes clay shooting once or twice a month with DH, I go with them when my arthritis allows me to shoot!
It's a different world now, and lovely to see women being independent, although I still don't like walking into a pub on my own

Like is so different now,I meet friends for lunch in a cafe, just so we can have private conversations without the DH listening and the tv on in the background, as my house is open plan kitchen straight into living room. But sometimes I also go out alone,(normally if I'm angry at DH) to a cafe with my book. And it really helps my mood.

I was a child in the thirties and in those days wives didn’t work if their husbands could support them. My parents belonged to a club and would go there a couple of evenings a week. Neighbours would pop in for tea and chat. My mother would take us to the cinema and to Lyons for tea afterwards each week. She had quite a social life.

Women did not go to a pub and if they were "escorted" they only went to a lounge bar. Pubs didn't sell food in the 50s a packet of crisps if you were lucky. There were strict laws on when and what age a child had to be before allowed anywhere selling alcohol. Remember taking DC to Holland and them being amazed at being allowed in a pub to have a meal. Funds for a lot of people didn't stretch to eating out nor dis women have time to spend socialising during the day. No cars for getting from A to B quickly. Cant remember ever being taken to a restaurant with DM other than if there was a celebration. Definitely a changed world now.

My friend and I were talking recently about grandparents, after their husbands died, neither of them thought about marrying again, and spent the rest of their lives on their own never going anywhere but local shops. My Mum did her Mum's main shopping. This went on until she was 90+ in the 80's and my Nan's husband died in 1936 before I was born.

It must have been awful.

My Dad made sure we all had a good time, day trips, bus trips lunches out. Probably because he was an orphan at 6 and realised what he had missed out on.

Eating out was a real rarity when I was growing up, but we would be taken very occasionally so that we wouldn't be at a loss later on. My folks were very hot on table manners and making sure we would know how to tackle a multiple setting of knives and forks etc. if faced later with a formal dinner.
My mother would add that if in doubt, wait and see what everyone else does - as she once had when faced for the first time with asparagus as a very young and nervous wife at a naval officers' dinner during the war.

I don't remember us ever having a cup of tea or coffee out, money was very tight. I However my folks were considerably better off in later life and would treat themselves if they felt like it.

Dh and I were talking recently about how there are far more places to eat out/coffee shops now, than when we were young. Certainly there was nothing as cheap as the fast food places.

Cafe Royale it was. Thankyou Purpleknight.

We now do about 50:50 eating in/ out. That might include at friends homes. We did eat out pre kids ( early 70s) but less so once they arrived as money much tighter. We did take them to cafes and out occassionally but not as often as we take DGC. My parents were very sociable and wete often out together but usually at friends homes. They went to the pub on Saturdays for lunch after their art class, but that was 70s.

I don’t think age really has much to do with friendship it’s about having things in common and sharing . My mums mum (my dearest grandma 1916-2015) was a very socially active person . She was never home and ran a ladies club until she was 95 ! She was the opposite of my mum, her daughter .

Cafe Royale? Was it somewhere near saint Peters square? I remember going there a few times, probably in the 70s
We had one in my home town of Bolton called The Golden Lion. I loved those schooner of sherry!