Perhaps I just have poor taste....???

Sodapop, thank you so much for the wine and flowers, they are truely appreciated xx

My MiL would always say "Thankyou but you shouldn't have bothered" After she died I found lots of my presents stuffed away in her drawers, still in their boxes, so obviously I shouldn't have bothered! On the other hand I sent flowers to her sister for her 80th birthday and she was absolutely thrilled and sent me a photo and a lovely thankyou letter.

It may sound odd, but I think some older people, particularly, are embarrassed and feel guilty when they receive presents.

My dear late mother would always say, 'Thank you, you shouldn't have bothered'. She really didn't want me to spend money on her. I remember how hurt I was when small, saving up for a small box of chocolates for her as a surprise, which she gave straight back to me, saying, 'Here, you have them.' She didn't mean to be unkind, but I have never forgotten how I felt having my carefully planned gift rejected, and it made me even more sure to say thank you properly for any gift ever since.

I called round to my mother-in-law with a gift of some beautiful peach roses on the day of our family friend's funeral and was thanked by her, with hugs and kisses, as she exclaimed how beautiful the flowers were. Yesterday she telephoned me to say 'thank you' again and described the joy she had from looking at her flowers.

Her phone call was not necessary, but is very typical of my lovely mother-in-law whose manners are impeccable. And I will admit that I enjoyed basking in the warm glow of her appreciation.

Happy Birthday kateykrunch!!!!!!!!!!!!
Here are some for you and a glass of xx

Happy Birthday Katykrunch have a good 'un! x

Happy Birthday Kateyk, hope your day has been thoroughly enjoyable . Oh and of course!

Danni, sassenach and Bathsheba, oooo thank you so much for the flowers, wine and bun!!, (nearly sounding ungrateful there lol) now about my cake.......

Oops - sorry Katykrunch, I almost forgot to wish you a very happy birthday.

Shinyredcar Thu 23-Aug-18 17:52:02
It may sound odd, but I think some older people, particularly, are embarrassed and feel guilty when they receive presents

You may have a point but I hardly think my two oldest friends (i.e.whom I have known since my childhood) count as “older people”! I too turned 70 this year and I certainly don’t think of myself as “older people” !
Now katykrunch as you have loads of flowers may I instead raise a to you as I wish you a Happy Birthday!

Granny, they are lovely, thank you so much, very much appreciated x

Bah humbug, birthdays. Am I being unreasonable. On my birthday last month other half didn’t say happy birthday to me and didn’t get me a present but he did give me a card. A card that I had actually bought and stored away for later use. Okay, it’s his birthday in a couple of days and there is something in me because I felt hurt to not say happy birthday to him and not give a present. The reality is I’ve got him loads of presents. Am I being incredibly juvenile. Should I make his birthday really nice to make him feel a bit guilty? It’s like this every year and it’s really getting me down now

Maybe a sore point but I do wonder if some Grans are just trying too hard and then feeling hurt if their efforts are not sufficiently acknowledged and appreciated.

Yes, I do understand and totally agree about common courtesy but is it, as some other posters have suggested, that these days people have so much more "stuff" that some of these gifts etc are no longer seen as "special" in the way they might once have been viewed?

When we were younger gifts were a really big deal and treated as such but I don't think that is the case anymore. Perhaps the hurt is caused by the mismatch between the expectation of even a bit of appreciation and the reality? You can't change other people's behaviour but you can change your own and how you view things. Maybe fewer "things" and money or cheques and more personal attention, home cooked meals, conversation and listening?

Maybe a sore point but I do wonder if some Grans are just trying too hard and then feeling hurt if their efforts are not sufficiently acknowledged and appreciated

What do you mean Apricity?
Flowers for a 70 th birthday ?

I was thinking more of gifts to younger family members. ?

Mawbroon, thank you, yes loads of flowers, so a toast is very acceptable, now about that cake! x

I think Apricity is quite right sadly. Too much, too soon. Oh well. At least we appreciate thoughtfulness in others.

Ah, Apricity you had moved on! Sorry.
Never have that problem with the littlest!

I agree with BuffyBee. I'd try to assure myself there was no reason (illness, great busyness etc) why your gift has not been acknowledged, but if no reason found - make sure no further gifts are set. There is a difference between being nice and being a mug.

I have a nephew I've hardly ever seen and have sent him cheques for b'day and Christmas for the last 21 yrs and have never rec'vd a thank you from him or his parents. Continued until he reached 21 to make him the same as other nieces and nephews but no more.

It hurts when the recipient of the gift doesn't appreciate the thought you've put into choosing it, doesn't it? So many times over the years, I've spent time and money choosing gifts for my mother's birthdays, Christmas or mother's day presents, only for her to turn her nose up at them. Sometimes she wouldn't even open them! But the time she refused to open the birthday present from her 5 year old GS, my DS, was the last gift she ever got from us. I've made sure I'm never the same with my GC.

Really don't give a fig about thanks but, unfortunately, it is usually the only evidence of receipt I have when a third party is involved. Reading a previous post on inaccurate deliveries accentuates this concern. I find this also enters my head when I do a simple transfer of cash. I have minus faith in banks. I never ask if a gift has been received so guess I'll simply have to live in hope. Certainly wouldn't stop me giving again if I wanted to.

We all have too much stuff. I guess the best presents would be i.e. Flowers, chocolates, restaurant vouchers etc. Things that will not have to add to yet more "stuff". Having said that my generation always (well my family does) say thank you, more by text these days than letter or phone call. The world has changed so much, and sadly letters rarely sent to say thank you. But I will still go on giving gifts/cards etc. As it is my nature to do so, regardless if I get a reply or not. (Well for a few more years maybe)

My dad was like that Chewbacca, wouldn’t open presents. He’d feel it and say it’s a shirt (or whatever) I have loads of them and throw it on the floor, - but if you didn’t get him anything, well, then a big sulk!