Struggling

Understandably your anger and grief is leaping off the page, I am so sorry. I hope your DD is soon able to get down to practical matters and make this selfish young man face up to his responsibilities financially and otherwise. Has your daughter heard from his parents? Please take care of yourselves

Try and think of it as a lucky escape and be glad they hadn't got married. My son married his fiance and 8 weeks later she left him saying she had met someone else before they married.

Thank you all. He has done this a few times, but this seems more final. He has been messing with her head and feelings. He came into a large sum of money and blew most of it. Very little on my DD or DGD. She bought two festival tickets for them. She is happy for him to have his, but he wants her to give him both. She is short of money, he doesn't want to buy hers and told her to sell the engagement ring if she's short of money. He is making everything so much harder. He said he doesn't want the responsibility and just wants to party. He isn't hurting.

Oh doesn't it hurt to watch our AC suffer?

We cannot take their pain away but we can be supportive, and sometimes opening up conversations about how they're feeling can be helpful. Mine tended to suffer in silence, licking their wounds quietly. All my adult children have hurt badly when long term relationships ended. It hurts us too, as their partners were, for years, part of the family.

I know one of my children has avowed to shun relationships as he was left completely wrecked when his partner ended it after eight years. It left him without self esteem and so badly hurt. A period of deep depression followed and he has 'sort of' recovered. I don't think the wounds have healed. Despite all his talents and skills, he ploughs a lonely furrow. All I want to do is hug him, and find a nice girl who won't hurt him.

We cannot mend their relationships though, can we, and the old adage that time is a great healer is true. I am over my ex husband now but 20+ years later, deep down inside, that pain and betrayal still has the power to hurt and have me asking "why?"questions.

Knickas, I am sending thoughts your way. If our children are unhappy, no matter their age, it hurts us too. People move on, and we have to let them, but I do hope your daughter recovers, slowly. She will, and she will move on, and I hope in time, find someone who will love and cherish her.

There are quite a few of us who have been in this situation and lots of us have come through as your DD probably will.

My DD's situation is pretty similar to paddyann's. The Idiot made her life intolerable so she came home to us with her two children. She struggles to get the Idiot to pay proper maintenance as he has an web of companies which enable him and his new partner to manipulate his income. At one stage she was awarded 50p per week per child.

However, she has a new partner and is expecting a baby. He is the most fantastic father to her first two.

The problem we currently have is that the Idiot doesn't see the children to get back at DD for some supposed slight and it makes his social life easier to run. Now her eldest son is questioning why. Up to now we have all been very nice about the Idiot but he told DD that he hates her more than he loves the children and we are all wondering whether to be more truthful with the children.

Having gone through this situation with one of my AC, it's hard on Grans, as you grieve for all the 'what could have been scenarios.

All you can do is be there with hugs and support, please do not bad mouth her ex in front of her or your GC,as you never know what is round the corner, Your daughter can and probably will though.

How lucky she is to have such a caring mother. Time will help.

I know exactly what you mean when you say you feel your daughter's pain 10 fold, that's just how I felt when my son and his partner split up (not his choice) and he had to go to court to fight for his right to see his daughter, but was never allowed to see his stepson again even though he'd been 'dad' since the boy was 3 years old. It is one of the downsides to motherhood I think.
I most certainly will be sending you healing love and prayers for you and your daughter. Remember this too will pass.

DD was in same situation very recently but is now showing amazing resilience.
He was found out (an affair which he absolutely denied) 11 weeks before the planned wedding. She threw him out. 6 weeks later he was engaged.
Until the date of the proposed wedding was behind her she didn't cope well but once it was, she started to bounce back.
Coping well and much more positive!
Just be supportive and patient.
Things will improve.

Block his social media pages ,you're only causing yourself grief.We too loved our SIL like our own and were devastated when they split.He was a serial cheat so it was for the best but he left 2 children behind and hasn't finacially supported then since,over 8 years.I have nothing but admiration for my daughter who has never bad mouthed him to the children and who makes every effort to get on with him and his new wife .
It makes life much happier for the children if you can do that,whenever we meet him theres always a hug and he always tells us how much he misses having us around,he never had a father so he thought of my OH as his dad.Our GC are doing well and thats all we want,my daughter remarried and she has another child ,her new husband is amazing with her eldest two .Give it time and try not to be bitter ,you cant change it so try to help her move forward .

It’s horrible for you. I can only tell you what somebody told me when my husband left me - it was such a shock and I didn’t know how I was going to cope. She said “ You won’t always feel like this, some day you will feel fine.” Try not to think about the past, but concentrate on today. Make sure you, your daughter and granddaughter are getting as much rest as you can, are eating well, and getting out. Think of little things that will make you happier. I would always have something nice to do at the weekend, even if it was a only a box of chocolates and a film. At the end of each day I would think “Well, that’s one day more towards the day when I won’t feel so bad.” Also, your ex sil must have some good qualities or your daughter would not have loved him, sometimes two people just fall out of love. I wouldn’t set too much store by his using Tinder either (and don’t look, nor on his FBpage!”) That may be just a show of bravado, he is probably sad too. Best wishes to you all.