Old friend believes neighbours spy on her

My mother had this, but as someone mentioned, she was sane enough to not get needed help. She also believed that all the doctors, dentists etc that she saw (and often liked) had been 'bought off by the criminals' who were destroying her life. So then she would never go back for medical help. If her internet didn't work perfectly (who doesn't have this problem?) she became convinced that someone was in her attic interfering with the wires. As a nurse, and as I lived thousands of miles away, I just sympathised with her, as I knew that to her the fear was real.

Thanks so much for sharing your experiences. My friend lived away from the area where she is now for a number of years, so has few contacts left there. People have died & moved away on retirement etc etc. She has a couple of family members who are not close. The managers of her housing are aware of her situation but of course they're now seen as spying on her too. For a long time I accepted her account of certain other residents & I think there probably are problems with some, who have difficulties themselves. I became worried when she started ignoring or rejecting any ideas other than her own irrational interpretations of quite everyday happenings. I think you're right in saying she needs to somehow be got to the Dr to be checked over (urinary tract infection did cross my mind) or assessed. In the meantime I guess it is best just to listen to her concerns, but give up on offering practical advice which makes her feel more anxious and defensive. She has become quite isolated & just wants to talk.

also dehydration can call cause all kinds of disorientation and weird behaviour in elderly people (I kid you not).

If this is recent behaviour, does it coincide with the hot weather and the possibility your friend is not drinking enough?

There is a charity that deals with elder abuse. Sorry I can't remember the name of it. My friend dealt with them recently as she had worries about an elderly friend who believed a relative who was staying with her was going through her banks statements and looking for her will. My friend didn't know if the accusations were real or imagined. The charity sent the police to the ladies house, arranged for her to visit her bank, arranged a social worker, and a GP appointment. All this within a week. Maybe you could Google the charity and give them a ring. They will advise you what to do. In my friend's case they took it very seriously.

This could be the start of dementia, or schizophrenia or perhaps she is being spied upon. Whatever the cause it is real to her, poor woman.

I suggest you contact her GP surgery and express your concern as an old friend. They should know about this and hopefully can take some appropriate action.

Nannarose that's a good point about the infection. But in elderly people sometimes there are no other symptoms apart from the confusion, as the immune response is what usually causes the other symptoms and immune response is muted in older people. Therefore tests could be in order that directly test for infection. Or kidney problems is another one. Maybe in this hot weather this person isn't drinking enough for example.

frankie74, my heart goes out to your 19 year old self. Of course you bear no guilt in this - you were reacting as a caring grand-daughter should have done. It's also difficult to 'blame' your parents in an age where this was poorly understood, and indeed, places to care for people with dementia were rarely pleasant. However, I do feel they should have been clear that it was their problem, and not yours.
s for OP's friend - I would work out how to deal with her on the phone; contact the 'warden' (by whatever title they use!); and consider contacting the GP.
It helps if you make clear that you are no wanting to discuss confidential information they have, or to suggest causes / diagnoses - you simply want to give information.
It's also worth mentioning that on the whole, the kind of mental deterioration that accompanies an infection usually comes on quite quickly, and the infection then produces other signs & symptoms, so it is normally (although not always) short lived.

I wish we could edit our posts to add stuff lol: I realised I should have added too often we hear of people dismissing elderly people's suspicions as dementia only to find out later they really were being stolen from or bullied

First, find out some facts. Visit her and see if you can see any cameras and bugging devices. If she has dementia or a mental illness she could be seeing the normal security cameras and interpreting them the wrong way. Or she might actually have a weird neighbor who really is spying on her. Work out which it is. Then you can start to think up a solution based on what you find out.

Well Ive read this and feel this change in behaviour needs to be addressed is this happening? Or is this the start of dementia? My mum has dementia and became increasingly worried and distraught about every little thing try and encourage her to go to the doctors as early as possible. Again it could be a urine infection which really has adverse affects.

I do agree with posters here who say that this is probably the start of dementia/Alzheimers. Back in the late 60s, when I was just 19, I spent a whole night at my grannie's house with her, because she had phoned in the evening to say the walls were running with water again. I took the call, but when I asked mum (her daughter) to come and talk to her, she just burst into tears, which shocked me as she was a strong person. It was just before Christmas, and my dad was ultra busy in his retail business with Christmas orders. Mum refused go to grannie's house, so I asked for the family car and drove myself there. I tried to get grannie to go to bed, but by then she had a problem with "blue fluff" which was everywhere and would grow if she went upstairs. We spent the night together downstairs, with her hallucinating in all sorts of ways until I rang home at about 6am in tears. I wanted to know what I should do, but my dad said that mum had her bag packed to leave if I brought grannie home. He also said I shouldn't call an ambulance, as grannie would end up in a notorious "mental" hospital. what to do? I took her home to our house...mum didn't leave, but the stress of having her live with us (I had 2 younger brothers aged only about 8 and 10) was enormous, especially for my mum. I gave up my bedroom for grannie and slept on the sofa at weekends when I was home from uni. My mum fared very badly in all this, and the guilt I put on myself for bringing grannie home still weighs on me today. Basically, what I'm saying in all this, is use all the facilities/agencies available to help this poor person (and her family). Such help and understanding really wasn't available in the 60s and these are more enlightened times. Needless to say when my mil was going through the same issues we got her a place in a comfortable nursing home near to our home, where she could be visited by us most days. Sorry to have written at such length. It's probably an indication of long term effects of not dealing correctly with the situation

Help is available, please encourage your friend's family to ask for it

I would not be so keen to think that your friend has some kind of problem. I have had some experience of really nosey neighbours. They have even queried with me who was the visitor who brought flowers or the fact that my ex husband called at my house. Horrifically, within a few hours of the death of my most immediate relative I was being questioned about what will be happening to the house!
There really are some very, very nosey neighbours in this world.

Also lack of B12

I echo sodapop it could be something as simple as a urine infection, they make elderly people act in the most bizarre way!

I can't really add any more to other posts wilygran you need to contact the sheltered housing staff and see if they are aware of the problem. Failing that contact the Social Care services in that area and of course any family members if you know of them.
Try to reassure your friend when she rings, this is all very real for her and frightening.

Oh dear :-(

When my neighbour started saying these things about our across the road neighbours it was dementia.

The police will do a welfare check if you are particularly concerned after a call

If she has a family, could you perhaps contact them?
This sounds like my mother. I spoke to her GP, but as she was able to put on face of being " compos mentis,", he dismissed my concerns, saying she was fine.
It wasn't until she was hospitalised with a broken hip, that she was diagnosed with Alzheimer's.?
This poor lady needs some sort of intervention.
Thank goodness she has a good friend in you.

If it is sheltered housing is there a live in manager who could help? We had similar with an elderly neighbor.

Yes my Nan s dementia was like this She thought people were stealing her bag ( which was sat beside her) said my young son’s friend had taken her money and she knew for sure it was her money because her notes had a picture of the queen on, bless her
I m sorry to say it does sound like your friend has dementia and will need help

You could be describing my mother , who had dementia. Unfortunately there isn't a lot that can be done to allay her fears - they are very real to her and no amount of reassurance will help. Does she have any family ? She certainly needs to be assessed by an aged care specialist.

Most definitely yes I have dealt with exactly this type of behaviour and it was at the start of my mil and her struggle with dementia ! She used to say her neighbour came in stealing things .... Her drains of all things. She said he took them off her so that she had to move out due to having no water because he wanted her house.
She accused us of stealing things too .. Baskets of cosmetic jewellery , it turns out she had moved them .
Very bizarre behaviour to us but all very distressing to her.
I hope your friend gets the help she needs.