Cliquey

Farview … you have been very polite and mild mannered for someone going through a stressful and unhappy time. I really hope things improve for you soon. and that GN can perhaps take your mind off your problems briefly.

I agree with Bluebelle and Marmight and others. I often post something I think is relevant and possibly helpful, and am totally ignored. If one of the old crew posted similar, they get replies, from the people they "know" on here. It all sounds very petty written down. It's just that if you are not awfully confident and witty, to be ignored on a forum is a bit sad.

It's just a case of "plodding on anyway" and keep posting. I suppose it's like when you go to a new group in real life, people don't know you at first and it takes a while to really feel part of the group.

Farview - I am sorry you are feeling under stress at the moment; but glad that Gransnet gave you scope to let off steam - we all use it in that way sometimes.

I do not think it is cliquey. There are folk on the politics thread who club together - simply because they agree with each other - but I can see that it might feel uncomfortable if they are thought to be "ganging up" on someone who presents a different viewpoint. The politics thread does get a bit personal because people feel strongly, which is why I am not often found on there.

I also seldom visit Soop's kitchen - not because it is cliquey (which is the last thing that Soop would want), but because often there are themes that have been long-running and it is hard to find a way in. That is fine though and causes me no bother.

I think it is interesting that being ignored or disagreed with hits so hard at times with some people on what is after all a virtual reality. It troubles me when people feel personally offended by that and it adds to their life's challenges.

There are people whose character you get to know through their posts; some who you know to expect to agree or supportand others who you know will be more challenging. And I think we are more inclined to speak our minds in this virtual world - which is both a good and a bad thing!

I have received so much support and information/advice on here; so the balance of good and bad is for me very clearly on the positive side.

No need to apologise for posting how you were feeling yesterday evening farview. Sorry that you're having a tough time.

I joined gransnet about five years ago, around the time I retired. I'd lurked for a while here and on mums net. I didn't feel I "fitted" in either place but took the plunge and joined the place more fitted to my life stage . I enjoy the politics and news discussions, inevitably, feelings can get agitated and those with similar political views may post "I agree with x". I confess to having done just that, especially where x expresses herself more succinctly than I could. I won't have ever met x in real life but of course, I can identify regulars whose posts I enjoy, whether or not we're in the same political camp.

I felt like that at first farview several of those people have moved on now so it's not so bad. I agree people with similar views are going to join forces in a debate sometimes getting personal but hey ho we can always look at a different thread.
I'm sorry life is difficult for you at present, hope things improve soon.

I must have been posting for about 9 months now and still feel new.
‘In group’ might describe it better, and to those not part of it, the jokey to and fro repartee that often happens (regardless of other GNs comments in between and their jokes) can disrupt and spoil the thread. This is what I find irritating and excluding, not the N & P threads.

I think it was easier in the early days marmight as there were fewer of us to get to know. Now one has to be fairly dedicated to keep on top of things and I do not really have the time to do that.

I'm really chuffed to see long standing members because I feel I know them and I suppose that might make it seem cliquey.

I have always felt welcome on any thread and when meeting GNs in real life.
It might take time to get used to the shorthand that is used. This has built up over time and seems normal to old hands but may intimidate newcomers.

Fairview- I hope life takes a better turn for you soon. I "dip" in and out of GN, when the fancy takes me, as I find at times it is more like a private club with exclusive members only. The ins and outs of someone's private life sometimes makes uncomfortable reading.

Like GA I joined at the start of GN. It was a lifesaver the following year when I was widowed. I have made a lot of GN friends so keep persevering farview and just avoid the contentious threads. Yes, there are times when you feel superfluous but so it is in real life! I seem to have the inate ability of stopping threads or starting ones which get no response . (boring, moi?). So I just plod on putting in my 2 pennyworth here & there and occasionally take time out and become a lurker. Of course, in any walk of life you meet people who are completely not on your wave length and who appear to 'clique'. Their loss not ours!

Farview, I'm sorry life isn't so good at the moment.
I took to GN because I was feeling very low, due to chronic illness. Some people were very friendly and some just ignored me. It did upset me at first, but then I realised that it is just a reflection of real life, some people take to you and some don't.
I had an experience of someone having a go at me and wouldn't let go. I tried to ignore it, but they kept on going. Out of the blue a poster, I had never seen before, PMd me to support me. There are lots of good people on GN, please keep posting.

Sorry you’re under stress farview and yes, of course there are cliques on GN. Always have been and always will be, just like school really. It will be denied of course.

The trick is not to let it get you down even more and stay true to yourself.

Farview Yes it can feel like that when you first start
I left for about a year because it got to me and yes it was may be my own sensitivity
It doesn’t seem half as bad now, perhaps because I m not new any more or maybe my skin is just getting thicker, or perhaps posters have come and gone
I didn’t find it was through people disagreeing with me but more about feeling totally ignored I felt really invisible and insignificant
When I first joined I got a lovely welcome from a number of people and I thought I d found the friendliest forum then I dipped my toe in posting and whoosh my confidence hit my feet no acknowledgments, just people talking to each other, in jokes which went over my head (still do sometimes) In time I began to realise that a lot of the things I was feeling left out about, others felt too and I felt so much better, it wasn’t me it was the whole nature of forums and I tried to not feel so sensitive about it and now I just plod on posting what I think might be helpful, useful or a tiny bit funny whether anyone reads it or not

So the advise I can give is don’t worry it’s the nature of forums, and just like life, you only begin to belong with time Im not so confident, articulate or funny as many on here but I now feel I would get support and help if I needed it there is a lot of kindness and wisdom shown on Gransnet and I m glad I hung on in there ?

fairview, I can see that it might look like that but as someone said up thread, some of us know each other because we have been here a while but that is the same in real life.

If you are having a lot of stress, would it help to tell us?

ContraryMary88 thank you!

I wouldn’t worry about it farview it was a very restrained lashing out.
After a couple of G&Ts my lashing out would cover 2 pages, fortunately 99% of the time I delete everything instead of posting, sometimes it helps to just write it down.
As I can’t offer you cake here are some flowers? to cheer you up.

...don't want to elaborate,under enormous stress/unhappiness at the moment,a glass of wine too many,felt the need to lash out, unfortunately GN took the brunt...

Agreed, MissAdventure! I think most of us who’ve ventured on have had our fingers burned on N & P. Perhaps I should have said that on there you’d soon be accepted as yet another adversary....

Especially on the politics threads.
They'd soon be merrily insulting you away, along with the best of 'em..
joke, honest!
I quite like reading that thread.

Well said, Maggiemaybe ☺️

It depends where on the site you look. Some long-running threads are full of the same regulars - Soop’s Kitchen, the support thread for grandparents who’ve been cut off from their families, the Good Morning thread, some of the News & Politics ones. If they’re constantly interacting it follows that they get to know each other well, so these areas might seem a bit daunting to “incomers”. I wouldn’t see that as cliquey though. If a new poster wanted to join in they’d soon be accepted.

Sorry, my post took so long to compose I see that I'm simply reiterating what others have said.

I joined Gransnet on day one and although I have seen posts about 'cliques' on GN I can't say I've spotted it myself. For the first time this evening it's just dawned on me that maybe others think I'm also part of a clique. I do hope not.
I like all the GNers that I've met in real life and there are some posters that, although I don't always agree with their opinions, I think very highly of, others I haven't yet got to 'know', but am beginning to.
My opinions are always my own and are never expressed to agree/disagree with any particular poster, but are genuinely what I think. Perhaps there seem to be cliques simply because like-minded people tend to converge on topics where they are in agreement? As people do in real life.

Cliques don't just agree with each other or disagree with anyone else, they actively work at sneering at others and making them feel excluded and worthless. Conversations don't have to be always about agreement. So long as it is not abusive a bit of disagreement, even a bit of criticism is healthy.

You don't have to be in a clique to agree with someone. If two people have disagreed with you (I haven't been checking up on you, honest!) on more than one occasion, then you just have to accept that you may not be on their wavelength. On other subjects they may agree with you 100% - and if they don't, does it matter? Is it really that important to you that everyone agrees with you? Agree to disagree and move on. You are what you are and your opinions are what they are, and other people's opinions are whatever they are.

Maybe those people just have a similar point of view.