Am I a wimp?

Grandad, you were lucky to have such a sensible employer and such good 'therapy'. But DD found her biggest problem was knowing her accident and injury were not her fault.

The fact that she did nothing wrong and could not have done anything differently only made her feel more vulnerable and fearful of other vehicles. As I said she persevered and is now fine, but what works for one person isn't always right for another. That there were no deaths in her accident and she was the only one injured would of course change the dynamics,

What a terrifying experience Musecrlf and I echo all those who say thank god you were not injured.
Good advice from Grandad go out as soon as you can face it with a professional, starting on ordinary roads then dual carriageways and build up to motorways - if you possibly can, do the equivalent of “getting back on the horse”
You may need to take some time over it but try not to hold off for too long before you take that first step.
As for the written off car? Paw would have dismissed it as “bent metal”
Good luck , I am sure you will get there.

Musicelf, I have been through what you are going through now when I was I truck driver myself in the early 1980s. It is difficult but the situation can be overcome with appropriate action.

Just to give a quick background on my accident, the 32-ton truck that I was driving was hit by a car that had lost control on a bend. The nineteen-year-old driver of the car has spent his life in a wheelchair since that day, while his father was killed as a passenger in the same vehicle.

Although the accident was in no way my fault as the vehicle tachograph demonstrated, I could not get the incident out of my mind, and driving other trucks in the days following could well have resulted in me having another accident that would have been very much my fault.

After those few days I eventually reported to the depot transport manager that I was going off sick and the reasons why. However, that evening I had a phone call to say "report to the depot next morning as the senior company driving instructor would be there to see me".

He talked to me in regard to what had happened and then we went out on a normal journey, with him instructing me as if i were preparing to take my driving test all over again. Having to get my driving up to top standard for an HGV vehicle took my mind away from the accident and restored my full confidence in my driving abilities.

The instructor also had been trained to handle situations such as my own, and he would on numerous occasions in the week he was with me, ask me to go through what happened from a few minutes before the accident to the moment the emergency services left the scene.

He would stop me as I spoke asking "what would you do different if you where there now". The answer would always be "nothing", and he would say "exactly none of it was your responsibility, therefore you have no responsibility for the outcome of the incident, you could even now change nothing".

That week of re-training completely restored my confidence in my driving and myself and i returned to normal working and driving once again. The key was very much in having that instructor get my driving skills right back up to top level, and having someone face me with an in-depth analysis of what happened and convince me that nothing could be changed or can be changed, and life goes on.

Therefore, Musicelf perhaps you could consider taking some driving instruction once again with the objective of once more getting your driving skills up to the highest levels, for while doing that you will have your mind taken off the accident while you are driving and back on the road.

Also talk ,through the incident with someone else or a number of others. Do not keep it all knotted up inside you. Let it out and you will realise that nothing could be changed or can be changed, and perhaps like me your life will return to normal.

Hope this helps

Musicelf emphatically not a wimp. It sounds as if you might have mild PTSD. See your doctor who can probably recommend suitable help, then when you are ready go to a motoring school, explain your problem and have some motorway lessons.

DD was seriously injured in a road accident on a motorway. Someone coming down a slip road did not see a car in the inside lane and her injury meant she couldn't drive for several months. This left her very nervous, but she persevered and seven years later is prepared to drive on any roads anywhere.

You will get there, just do not rush it.

Musicelf - you are not a wimp! I've had a few close calls driving over the years (including being in a car that rolled when I was a teenager - not me driving) and it's only afterwards that the shock of it all hits.

Please tell me what a "smart" motorway is? I will avoid them

I think the suggestion of booking a few confidence sessions with an approved driving instructor is a good idea, explaining to them what had happened to you. I'm sure they will have encountered similar situations with other drivers. You are definitely not a wimp, but you have had your confidence knocked after a very terrifying experience. Best wishes, and I hope it's not too long before you are whizzing down to Devon to see your daughter. ?

I had a similar experience several years ago that shook me to the core and never got up the courage to go back on a motorway, and now I’m not even keen on being a passenger on a motorway. Please, please take steps to get your confidence back before it is too late. I have regretted it ever since but feel I have left it far too late now. You can do it, and you are not a wimp!

musicelf, I feel for you - my brother had the opposite experience, where a lorry pulled out and pushed him spinning into the central reservation. Although he was not hurt and the car was repairable, he lost his confidence and has hardly driven since then.

If you can afford it, why not take the train instead? Relaxing and enjoyable, and if I were you and had driven, the visit would be ruined by me worrying about the drive home, another good reason for the train.

No, you are not a wimp Musicelf, I think you are amazing for driving on the motorway at all. (That is something I have always been too frightened to do. Oh, except that time in November 1984 when I inadvertently ended up on the M27 near Portsmouth. Got off as soon as I could though!). For a normal driver I would say get back on the motorway as soon as you can, even if it means taking someone with you, or having some boosting-confidence lessons. Good luck and glad you are Ok after that horrible experience.

You are definitely not a wimp ????

If you talk about the accident and verbalise how you feel it may help. Hopefully starting this thread will have given you some comfort.

Ooh no bless you it must have been terrifying for you and the flashbacks horrifying .
I think the suggestion of having a few professional confidence boosting driving lessons would definitely help you and the sooner the better.
If you leave it too long you will never do it .
Good luck!

Musicelf you are no whimp. That must have been terrifying.

Get back driving ASAP.

Firstly, if possible, get someone else to take you for a drive on a motorway.
Then get on a busy dual/treble carriageway, with someone beside you and drive.
Then a short distance on a motorway in light traffic, again with someone with you.
Then a short distance on a motorway in light traffic alone.
Then.........do what you feel is the next step,

Good luck

Oh my word iwoudl be a complete heap on the floor if this happened to me.I never ever drive on motorways as i am scared of the big lorries and the amount of traffic. I think you are very brave even to think asbout driving to Devon. Be kind to yourself and give yourself time to recover from a terrible shock. [hugs[

What an awful experience and it's no wonder you're feeling nervous about going back on the motorway but you are definitely not a wimp - this was not your fault - as others have said. We drove down the M1 on Sunday and there were several drivers who appeared to be unsure about the 4th lane with no hard shoulder - I have a small car and would be the same with nowhere to go. Perhaps see your doctor if you're having flashbacks too.

Be kind to yourself and give yourself time.

I agree with GrannieSue. So sorry to hear about this horrible thing.

Marydoll - thank you; that's encouraging. How awful for you, though - so glad you were OK.

Thank you - some good advice. I have driven locally, and that's been fine. I've spent years up and down the motorways to visit my mother regularly, and my daughter, and I keep telling myself that nothing has changed - it just makes me more aware of what could happen. I did actually feel for the HGV driver, who was a lovely chap and we parted on good terms, and I think he was as traumatised by what could have happened as I was.
gillybob - I am not a wimp I am not a wimp I am not.....

What a terrible experience. I can totally understand how you feel
A couple of years ago a lorry crashed into the back of me when I was sitting at traffic lights. The police were surprised at how I escaped relatively unscathed.
The difficulty for me was that, this is the route I need to go to my doctor's and I have to make frequent trips.
Initially I would ask my husband to take me, but eventually I made myself go back that way.
However, I was terrified and used to pray that the lights would be green, so that I would not be stationery at that spot.
. I was a nervous wreck driving and had to make myself go out and drive.
It does get better, but takes time.
The suggestion of going with a driving instructor is a good idea.


I can understand how you feel.

Meant to add.... that you are most definitely NOT A WIMP !

Oh what a terrible experience to go through Musicelf I can't begin to imagine what must have been going through your head as the HGV approached you, knowing there was nowhere for you to go.

I think grannysue's suggestion is a good one, taking a couple of confidence sessions with an approved driving instructor might help. Shouldn't the HGV companies insurance pay for this? (although I suspect they won't).

One thing you need to remember and keep telling yourself is that this was not YOUR doing, not YOUR failure! It was the failure of the HGV driver to judge the situation and that YOU remain blamless and just as capable and safe a driver as YOU ever were.

I sincerely hope you do make the trip down to Devon.

I have not been able to drive on motorways for a few years, I would like to try again but am put off in case I panic once I am on there. I have started to get the train for long journeys and actually prefer it to driving, I can relax read the paper , have a coffee and there is usually somebody that wants to chat.I wouldnt put yourself through it unless you have to, its not worth the worry.

Oh Musicelf what a horrible thing to happen to you.
Lorry drivers often cannot see everything through their left-hand mirrors, so its lucky that you were not crushed.
Perhaps book a couple of sessions with a driving instructor just to reassure you that you can still drive perfectly well.
Having a family member do that is just not the same.
Good luck, and I am sure that things will settle in time and you will get your previous confidence back.