"Helicopter grandparenting"

It's the adults you have to beware of - and by our age your antennae for troublesome adults should be pretty good. - And they are the ones with the little ones who spell trouble too. But enjoy the GC too.

You are just being responsible but allow have a few minutes not holding your hand.

I also think parents need to be a bit more realistic about minor stuff.

I stay at home with my toddlers and supervise them to my own satisfaction.

They have always got some minor bruise or scrape about their person. This is completely developmentally normal. I neither expect nor want them to sit on their backsides on a soft cushion all day doing nothing. I make sure they don’t get into anything that could seriously harm them. A wee trip when running is nothing to get wound up over.

I feel with some of my friends that because they have so few hours a week with their children awake and alone (ie not in childcare or with a partner/other adult also caring for children), they have developed some very unrealistic ideas about how closely it is possible to supervise small children as a sole adult.

If a wee soul comes back from grannys with a skint knee and mud all over, this is generally a sign theynhad a grand time and nothing to flake out over.

'Hold on' to my coat - just to clarify!!

Busy park, Sunday probably the busiest day, middle of the summer, then you watch them like a hawk. You are doing the right thing. Your gut instinct tells you this so keep on doing it.

I agree fervently; when ny DS was about three we were in a store and I let go of his hand for probably three seconds at most to pick up a garment that I had knocked off a rail in passing. When I looked down he had gone. I have never ever forgotten that heart stopping moment and the feeling of panic as we were close to the doors (open) and a busy road. It must have been half a minute before I found him - holding the hand of an assistant. I am not obsessive and don't make a big show of hanging on to them but I would never let my children and now my small grandchildren out of my sight for a moment. If I have to let go of their hands in a public place - opening car boot for example - I tell them to hold my coat. I don't think you can be too careful, and although they are undoubtedly safe there is still the possibility that something can go wrong.

I'd also call it responsible grandparenting. I always imagine what it would be like to have to tell the parents that something really bad happened on my watch. They have plenty of freedom but I'm always aware of where they are. Helicopter parenting/grandparenting is an entirely different thing.

I too never take my eyes off DGC, lest anything befall them on my watch.
But the point is we are only grandparents.
It’s not going to do the children any harm if they are slightly over-supervised for an hour or even a weekend, as ours were recently.
The damage is done when helicopter parents or tiger mothers permanently micromanage their children’s lives, never allow them to manage risks, or develop any resilience.

I agree with the majority of the posters.
My watch, my responsibility and I took that very seriously.

I never let my granddaughter out of my sight when I was looking after her when she was small. I think it drove her mad but it was my responsibility to keep her safe.

I'm with M0nica here. It's not helicopter grandparenting, it's responsible grandparenting. No grandparent worth their salt would take a young child to a public park and just sit down with a book/tablet/whatever and let them get on with it. As the OP's SIL said, a park is where 'predatory folks prowl' and it is just so scarily easy, as this video demonstrates.

You carry on doing what you're doing Newquay, taking good care of your GC.

What all of you are doing is not 'helicopter' anything. Just giving the children the proper supervision their age requires.

I always understood 'helicoptering' as being parents/grandparents who over interfere in their children's lives. rushing to school to sort it out if a child finds a piece of homework too difficult, or found a bit of gym equipment daunting instead of letting the child learn how to cope with life's little problems themselves.

Yes, we were ‘helicopter’ grandparents in public parks and playgrounds and, like others, kept a discreet eye open in soft play areas. It is worse as they get older. It took me a long time to get used to the fact that we were no longer meeting him at the school gate, but letting him walk home on his own, as my DD loosened the reins a little, and that having come home, that he should then be allowed to go off and play with his friends was deeply scary! Mine were allowed far more freedom from a younger age - I didn’t have the luxury of being able to spend every minute of the day worrying about what they were up to! Grandparenting is a whole different ball game.

I never let my GC out of my sight. I am far less relaxed with them than I was with my own children. Im not sure it times have changed or I just don’t want to face my DiL if anything happened to them.
A few years ago my GD fell off a slide and broke her elbow. My first reaction was ‘ thank goodness she was with her parents and not with me’.

I feel like NfkDumpling more concerned because they are not my children. It depends on the location of course but sadly predators are drawn to parks, play areas etc.

I’ve never let any of ours out of sight except in soft play areas where it’s impossible to see them all the time. I’m paranoid about them not being my kids, just borrowed. Two are coming to stay in the holidays and I’m gearing myself up to let the eldest (just ten) walk into town on her own. Her parents are happy with it. Its quite safe traffic wise and I know she’ll love the responsibility of being sent to the shop, but ....... !

Newquay your DGD is only four years old, yes, continue for the time being to be a helicopter ( I certainly am, with a DGD of the same age.)

Difficult one to generalise. It very much depends on the location and also the child, so how much they will listen and respond. We have never provided regular childcare so when we do better safe than sorry is our motto.

I ve never heard of ‘helicopter grandparenting’ but I think you do have to keep your eye on them all the time even if you let them go off a bit The situation you describe sounds different anyway as the other children you mention seem to be in a group and your grandchild was alone so not the same thing
It depends on the park if its a big or small one, if it’s open or very tree filled, and how far away they go When mine were small if on their own they d probably stay with me unless on a scooter or bike but always in eye line, if they were with friends they d play while I sat but I always kept them in earshot, If they were in an enclosed area I d leave them to go and whilst keeping one eye open they d be free to explore alone

Oh yes an enclosed soft play centre is different-after all, they ARE enclosed although I do say "do keep giving me a wave" and I don't sit with my head in a gizmo/book/paper either-I discreetly observe what's going on. One DGD was backed into a corner by two "madams" who had gone into the younger children's area. Poor DGD looked most unhappy and then relieved when i turned up.
A public park is very different IMHO-this one was quite large, very busy due to lovely weather, so I just trailed round after her.
One of our dear SILS was prison officer/police officer. When he and our DD1 had our first DGDs, now early twenties, and we had them most days, he said very kindly but firmly to me "never take your eyes off them for a second" esp in parks as it is where predatory folks prowl. As I say, I think I'm just doing my job, looking after them but not restricting fun.

in enclosed parks and soft play centres etc half the point of taking them there is to allow them to safely have a little more independance and free reign than they have in the modern world!

We have to "hellicopter" them so much that IMO its a shame if they're also helicoptered in enclosed child friendly spaces too!

I let them go and do their thing.
Provided the park is enclosed, and I keep an eye.

You are absolutely right to keep your eye on them.

The responsibilty is heightened with a Grandchild even more so than when our own children were young.

They are in our care and we have to "report back" with a happy child all in one piece.