Toxic daughter in laws

Speaking for myself and my close friends and extended family all MiL and DiLs seem to get on just fine. I do have one friend/acquaintance who has fallen out with her son &DiL who have gone NC with her but that's the exception in my circle of friends.
I'm lucky that my children's spouses are all lovely and we get on well.

I don't think they are prevalent. I think most DiLs and MiLs get on just fine, but its like the news, good news is no news, so we only hear about the ones that do not work out.

I agree with MissAdventure as well. We shouldn't expect to automatically be close to a daughter in law purely because she is married to our son. All relationships take work and have their ups and downs.

Good post absent.

I’m with MissAdventure (and others) - you can’t just make sweeping assertions about daughters in law without looking at your own attitudes. “Toxic” people are usually that for a reason- there are two sides to any relationship.
I only have daughters but they treat their mothers in law with respect and love , they are after all the mothers of their husbands and grandmothers of their children and in the same way my lovely sons in law show me equal affection and, yes, respect.
To go back to,your question, I think it should more accurately, read Why are bad relationships so prevalent?

I think that there are grandmothers who expect to have massive involvement with their grandchildren right from the word go, instead of gradually building a solid relationship over time. I think that there are daughters-in-law who feel sidelined, threatened and put down by their mothers-in-law and who then become resentful. I think there are sons who value their mothers – or are afraid of them – more than their wives. I think that there are women who feel so fiercely loving and protective about their babies that they don't want anyone else in the lives of the two of them; perhaps they also feel insecure about being mothers.

Relationships, especially family relationships are quite complex. No one actually has rights about someone else in the family. Be kind, be loving, offer help but do not resent if it is not required. Even though we are all quite old there is usually still time.

I am in the opposite position. My DIL has frequently said that my DH and I are better parents to her than her own parents. They really are quite awful to her.
However, no matter how upset she is with them, I remind her that they are HER parents and I'm sure they love her just as much as her sister, who is favoured by them.
It's difficult to get it right. I also think some MILs are jealous of DILs, if they have been used to being the number one person in their son's life.

My son got married at this time last year. I have got a new friend. In fact if I need to get in touch I usually text the in law. Much more responsive and reliable!

But then I don’t expect to be the most important thing in anybody’s life.....

Well a bit rich to have a heading like you have written
Just as many people have a wonderful relationship with their mother in law as have difficult ones Just as many bad daughter in laws as mother in laws People come in all types some nice some not so nice some easy going some more complex
I think anyone who expects their daughter in law to be an instant daughter is living in cloud cuckoo land some will but most will still turn to their own Mum and rightly so
I think your last sentence says it all ‘the closer you are to your son’ sounds to me like you are the one not wanting to share him
I had a lovely Mum in law we were never in each other’s pockets she was kind and interested but left me to get on with things unless I asked after my marriage failed she was still there for me in the background and supportive until she died I have one daughter in law after my son moved to NZ with her they live around the corner from her parents but we are very good friends and she’s a lovely girl both of us would be there for the other if needed

You sound like you are expecting way too much

Marriage is a 50-50 relationship as should be the treatment of the families. There has long been a severe bias in favor of the wife’s family that is throughly undeserved. I know from my experience I have tried hard to be the best MIL possible but my efforts have been ignored unlike her mother who can do no wrong. The unfairness is heartbreaking! I think sometimes the closer u are to ur son results in making the DIL behave as if there is a competition which is ridiculous.

I think its just people.
Not particularly daughters in law, or mums in law.
Most women will experience both roles in their lifetime.

I think some MIL's need to look close to home to find the reasons their DIL's have issues with them.If you are fair minded and caring of them the chances are they will be the same back to you

Villainize

Toxic?
Your daughter in law or your relationship with your DIL?

I love my daughter-in-law dearly, as has already been said and much as I am sure I hold a deep place in her affections I would find it very odd if she didn't love her own mother more. Therefore I would expect that, fair as she is, she would (rightly) put her own family first if it ever came to it.

I think it's a lot to do with sons not standing up for their mums. They let the wife get away with sniping about her MIL for a quiet life and it grows into something bigger over time. But if the son says something about his MIL, the wife is far more likely to go on the attack and stand up for her mum.

Just as there are bad mil’s there are also bad dil’s although that is something not many wish to discuss

villanised?

I’ve seen way too often the dil does not desire to be fair. Her family comes first and bc of whatever pettiness the mil is villanized

I can attest that my mother-in-law has an absolutely fantastic, loving relationship with her daughter-in-law. Me.
I can also confirm that I have just spent a wonderful evening with my own daughter-in-law whom I love dearly because she is an absolute treasure.

Really? That’s the problem. Instantly u assume it’s the mil. What about a nasty dil?

Possibly because they have such nasty MiLs?

This is definitely going to end well

Toxic daughter in laws