Gransnetters Advice Needed Please

This is a boy with problem behaviour. If he is 12 and is masturbating in public and has been reminded regularly by his parents and grandparents not to do it and still does it. He has a problem.

There is nothing in the OP to suggest any mental problems so I do not think we should suggest it, but it is worth knowing that this problem can be asociated with autism.

All those people who can see the dangers this behaviour can lead to at his current age should be listened to - and this is the key point. First a family member, preferably male, needs to sit with him and spell out the dangers of sexual exploitation and that the misinterpretation of his behaviour could lead him into, including criminal charges if it persists. He is old enough to have this spelt out to him quite clearly and without euphemism or evasion. As other have suggested, discussing alternative comfort behaviour, worry beads or a stress ball, should form part of the discussion.

If this family approach fails, then professional help is essential. His whole future could hinge on controlling this habit

Yep I think it’s another made up thread and as Newyorker hasn’t come back it’s looking more that way

I think it’s time to stop playing along with this one

I can never work out what the made up thread posters are hoping to get. Lots of shock horror replies and waving of smelling salts and handerchiefs? Rants about the younger generation.

You would think by now they would have realised by now that GN members are unshockable and can handle anything and do not have smelling salts. It must be very boring when we treat all their hoped for shockers with calm good sense and realism.

MOnica ?

Yes.... ANOTHER one!!!

I am not sure that he would be taken advantage of if he does it when walking out and about in the town but he could well get arrested.

Try tying his hands behind his back.

The GN moderators have said they will leave the thread up as it’s causing a lot of discussion!

The 0P does not sound like a "wind up".

This is a serious problem, special needs or not it needs stopping, this can lead to all sorts of future problems

Does not sound like a wind up...hmmm

I was one of those who reported this thread and was surprised that GNHQ thought it could stay as the conversation could be useful. I will of course accept that decision, but have three observations to make :

1) Interestingly, although I reported the thread using my GN user name, the reply came to me using my MN user name, which is entirely different. Odd!

2) If we had the facility to do an Advance Search on GN, as we do on MN, we could at least check to see whether posters we're not 100% sure of have a posting history.

3) The OP hasn't returned - speaks volumes to me!

that's a bit spooky nnw (using your MN name)

Oops I’ve just seen a post from the OP back in 2015, so my apologies to newyorker

lets just assume a 12 year old, living in the UK has some issues with his undercarriage...........do you (a) go to the GP or (b) go on GN........mmmmm tough choice

Yes, Jalima - it threw me a bit! No real concerns - I have a very boring persona on both sites - but I'd always considered them to be separate.

Best - good to know you can vouch for OP's lengthy membership. Am I being dense not being able to do a search like that?

it is "half term" round our are

"area"

I think it is a universal one - for once bikergran
well, in the UK, not exactly 'universal' iyswim

Nnw, I’m stunned that base control here are in such close contact with their opposite numbers at mumsnet they can cross identify you. Big sister or wot.

Back to the OP as oldbatty so clearly states, GP or Gransnet.
OP is you’re genuine, please let us know the CaMH services (England) or similar service wherever you are , has involvement with your grandson. The behaviour you describe will be happening in school and other settings. It’s inconceivable to me that mental health, or other appropriate services aren’t involved.

Yes, she did post years ago as best says - and possibly gave her real name, not a good idea OP!

Your GS does need some help, poor lad.

I did type besst, sorry

Hello again, thanks for all your varying messages. I do agree that this is a habit that GS has got into, my daughter said the same, but they have not been able to find a way to stop it. However, this is a child who is intelligent and goes to a good school, and I don't think shows signs of autism. D said he does not do it at school, so somewhere in his head he does realise that it is inappropriate, but elsewhere the habit has become too ingrained. He does have an older sibling though who is brighter still, and goes to the same school. When I raised this matter with my D yesterday, I forgot to ask what SinL's thoughts are. I will ask when I next speak to them. I am very worried about G doing this in public as it should be a private thing. The idea of a stress ball is a good one, thanks for the suggestion. If I have offended anyone with this post I apologise, I was just looking for some support.

Hi Ny. I think a form of CBT would be useful, as this does sound like compulsive behaviour and Time and Place etc. Worry beads, elastic bracelet to snap. Etc?

Thank you knickas63, elastic bracelet to snap sounds like a very good idea.
I don't see my G very often, so I admit I was shocked yesterday. When I mentioned it to my D, she did say it had become a habit, but I don't think she realised the possible consequences of it if G does it in public, even if it is subconsciously. I did mention some of these yesterday but next time I speak to her I'll put forward some of the helpful suggestions some of you have made. Guess I'm just a very worried Gran.

At a certain age teenage boys can be prone to have involuntary erections . He may be just as embarrassed as you about it .