I could do with some support

luckgirl, I can’t give advice or help, wish I could X

Sounds like life is real tough for you right now.

I don't know how you find the stamina to keep going. I have friends who've been in a similar situation and from what I saw there were times when it was difficult for them to keep going.

I guess you know those time only too well.

I respect anyone who can carry on caring in a very trying situation. So at the very least give yourself a big Well Done for getting through this far.

I don't have any suggestions to add to what folks here have already said but I really do hope you find some respite.

Wishing you all the best

It does sound as if you have got to the point where you need some help so you can carry on coping. Could your DDs pop in and sit with OH even for an hour chat to Dad and have a cup of tea. Take care

I remember saying to someone that depression is infectious ! I just got a funny look , it was when OHtold me to take the silly grin off my face that it dawned on me how he was pulling me down , so I took myself off to weed my plants and wept , but told myself to never give into him again , the silly grin was replaced by a blank look . I can' t drive but my sister started taking me out for lunch once a week and i got a bit of relief by her straight talking , you need to get out no matter how much he hates it , I now pay a sitter so I can go to Club and my painting class . I am afraid I bore everyone with my chatter but it is just letting off steam , I never talk about him if I can help it

So sorry luckygirl. Depression is hard to deal with in others as well as in ones self. No words of wisdom from me I'm afraid just a big hug and hope that things improve.

I have so much really - DDs living nearby who understand - although I do not feel I can say how joyless it is to them; singers who come here and sing with me; and a weekly choral society.

The problem lies deeper really - I wake every morning to his litany of anxieties and sometimes I feel I could scream - every other sentence beings with "The problem is...." and sometimes I think I cannot listen to that phrase ever again.

I'm just letting off steam really.

Luckygirl I’m sorry to hear that you’re feeling so low. I can’t add anything to what’s been said but you are in my thoughts.

Have you got any family or friends who could be with your husband for a few hours, perhaps take him out or stay with him so that you can go out?

There is a nationwide company called Crossroads, who can sometimes help out - they employ carers (the people don't wear uniforms) who can visit once a week or more often, build up a rapport with you and your OH, and keep him company so that you can go shopping/meet friends/have your hair done/whatever you need.

I believe AgeUK also do a similar thing.

Is your OH on the correct medication for his anxiety?

Luckygirl this is so difficult Monica's advice about carers centre is a good one they do often have befriending schemes where a man or woman would come for a cup of tea a chat or a game of cards with your husband while you had an hour off maybe with a friend or just to sit in the park or anything Do you have children nearby to give an hour or two respite occasionally?

I’m sorry to hear you are in this situation now Lucky but, if as you say you’re OH is not in a condition whereby he needs a carer is he capable of realising you have needs too?

It sounds to me as if you are yearning to get out and about more just to be you and do what suits your needs too especially if the situation at home is causing you to neglect doing something that will enable you to have a better coping mechanism when you need it.

Would discussing this with your OH make any difference or is it a case of no understanding of how this is affecting you?

mmm I guess you love him and care for him and its rotton that he's unwell. But he must accept some responsibility for how he is handling things.
Nobody likes to be ill or have to accept help but sadly thats how it is.
Is his GP any good? Can he or she offer help for anxiety?
Do you have any support and do you have some small things you enjoy?

Luckygirl do you have friends and family who could make sure that someone looks in everyday to make you coffee and sit down and have a chat on anything and everything, excpt your husband - or even sit with him while you go out.

I think people often forget how debilating caring for anyone can be for the carer. Have you contacted your local Carers Centre to see what they may have on offer. I know one that used to organise coffee mornings for caree and carer, which concentrated most of all on giving the carer a break.

I can absolutely sympathise Luckygirl
It is hard enough sometimes to have enough mental stamina, cheerfulness and positivity for one, let alone for both of you.
No solution to offer other than keep up your music/choir and the things you enjoy. Delegate care to others in the family for a day out if you can. Never mind that you think DH would hate you to go out. With adequate provision, it is best for you.
My 4 days in Sweden last summer were a lifesaver Sis in law came to stay and all was well . However even a week later it would no longer have been possible, but it was like a shot in the arm to me.
When Paw was in hospital I took a day off to take DGS to the ballet in Birmingham, and again it was refreshing to be out of the hospital environment for a day. When I popped in to see him in the evening on my return I felt I genuinely had something to tell him.
With hindsight I know how necessary these respites were.
Yes I feel guilty now about how I sometimes “escaped”to Waitrose for an hour, but it was a long hard slog and in the same way that parents are told to use the oxygen masks on a plane first, you are no good to him if you crack up.
Wish I had an easy answer but you and Imknow there isn’t one.
But DO involve your grown up children, don’t shelter them from reality, they owe it to both of you.

Lucky my heart goes out to you. Wish I had some answers