Was married life what you expected......

No expectations. Marriage was never anything I had thought about. We "lived in sin" (as it was called back then!) then one day decided to get married. Never dreamed I'd ever be a parent let alone a Granny!

Marriage was the furthest thing from my mind until I met DH. We had only known each other six months when, both being serving soldiers, we were faced with a situation of him being sent to one side of the world and me being sent to the other and a very long separation - years, in fact - a prospect that neither of us could countenance, so we took the plunge. I ended up a soldier’s wife, at his side of the world with him, and both marriage and being in a different country and climate was a complete shock to my system; a very steep learning curve. I did have more than the odd moment of regret - who doesn’t - but nearly fifty two years later, we are still married, and happy to have come this far.

My story is a bit like that of anniebach in that my husband died after we’d been married only twelve years, so a few years longer than she had. Obviously that wasn’t what I expected, but otherwise marriage was very much as I thought it would be. We had known each other for two years. We were both 28 when we married, so not naive, and we both came from stable families with long-married parents. We had 2 young sons, so I had a lot to do as a widowed mother. I never particularly wanted to marry again, and the children came very much first.

I’m a happy grandma now. I sometimes wish my sons, both now in their mid-40s, lived nearer, but I am proud of them because they have spread their wings, which I always encouraged. We are close in spirit if not physically. I think I am very lucky.

I found it all very exciting. I was married 2 months after my 20th birthday and collecting things for my bottom drawer was so exciting - a Pyrex dinner service, striped sheets etc. My DH was a bit of a lad in the early days, thinking he was still single (not with women) but going out with his mates while I was struggling to cope financially. He was very young too and regrets all that of course. Well something must have been right as we will have been married 49 years this year

Endre, that is so sad. I hope you have found some happiness now.

The wedding was in the planning and I was already seeing signs that he was controlling. My mother told me I had "made my bed now lay on it", the family were looking forward to the wedding. That how it was in the 60s. So we married. He hit me for laughing on honeymoon, told me a married woman had to control herself. I had to give up all ambitions for my career straight away to support him. We had three children, he was away a lot with his career and I was the skivvy running his home. I threw myself into bringing up our three children and unpaid work in the community (only women and girls) and I did it well. When I was persuaded to get back into teaching after 15 years ( by that time is was acceptable for mothers to work) life at home became more unbearable. He was paranoid I might speak with another man (most of my colleagues were men) The stress was making me and the children ill. At the time I was doing my best to hide the beatings at home but since found that people did know it was happening. My GP guided me through throwing him out one day. He was at work, I had the locks changed and the police informed. When I got a solicitor she discovered he had a extra life insurance policy on me which was chilling. His threats on my life were real, he would have no money worries forever! Divorce took five years, found he had been unfaithful throughout the marriage, different people, why he was so paranoid about my life. I could never trust another after an experience like that. He could charm the birds of the trees and I feared I might make the same mistake again. Two other women did, had long term relationships with him which ended with both leaving due to his drinking and abuse. If you suspect someone is living with domestic abuse please speak to them, even offer them help to get away from the bully. They will be too scared to move on their own and it almost became too late for me. These abusers are always popular charming people until you get to know them well.

We worked together for over a year before we had a date ,then just one year from that date we were married .We've worked together every day since and lived together so although its been 44 years we've seen more of each other and spent more time together than any one else I know .
Never regretted a minute,its been tough at times..not the marriage ,the things that life throws at you .We have a very traditional marriage each does the things we like ..I cook he gardens .I brought up the kids while he worked longer hours than I did ...though the kids came to work with us ,in their prams and as toddlers until they went to nursery and then school.
They both "helped" at the business as soon as they were able.Writing envelopes ,sticking on stamps ,filing etc etc .
They are both a joy to be around ,great people with hearts of gold and brilliant parents .
My daughter when she was in her early teens told us thet her goal was to have what we had ,a marriage that was clese ,a team .We were very humbled by it.
Sadly her first marriage eneded because her OH was a serial cheat.Hopefully with her second she'll get what we still have ,a partner we can depend on for the rest of our lives.

I hoped I would be as happy as mum and dad and I looked forward to spending lots of rime with H. Oh, mum and dad had their rows for sure but most of the time they were good together. Dad was hard working, mum worked full time too once we were older. I expected us to be the same and we have been.
I certainly wasn't eager to leave home as some are and I wasn't and never have been very maternal. It was H that was keen to have children. I wouldn't want to be without them and DGSs now though.

When we married, I thought it might last ten years or so. Looking back, that was probably because, at 21, I couldn't think any further into the future. After 50 years, were still together. It wasn't a great passion but it has been a great friendship. Stability was what I sought and it has worked for us.

I must add, I NEVER in a million years imagined that one day I would be labelled a divorcee. (Or divorced person to be pc. )

That fate never, ever crossed my mind.

kitty you are right. I married without contemplating once what the future might hold, how we wanted to live, did we want children, what aspirations did we share etc. I drifted into it in my 20s without any reservations.

We were in love and he had lots of good qualities. We laughed together lots and he seemed strong and reliable. It was very exciting as we saved for a mortgage and went house-hunting. The gloss wears off. Work, commitments, bills, stress, mundane ordinary life (which is to be longed for when life is rocky, I have learned with hindsight) took their toll. And it went downhill, spectacularly. I'll not reveal the details, as we've both moved on and the bitterness, anger and deep sorrow I felt in having to divorce him after 20 years together is now water under the bridge. I am happy now, but in no hurry to marry again, even though my lovely partner and I share a home and have been together for many years, longer than some marriages last!

I admire those who are able to stay together for a long , long time and still be in love and happily married. I married for keeps - till death do us part"- and really meant my vows. He didn't, but that's life. No good clinging to the wreckage of a bad, irreparable relationship is my view.

Overall yes but I did feel 'caged' at times when the children came along though I loved them dearly - and still do. We lived in a lovely community which I miss very much

I lived with mine for most of the year I knew him before we married he was very attentive we did everything together etc etc that was so lovely for me an only child to have someone at my side but oh how that changed and it became a twelve year disaster so to the original question ...
No

No expectations, my parents had a long,happy marriage, two younger sisters were married, I had no plans to marry or stay single. We met, were together two years then married, didn’t live together before marriage. He left Art college and joined the police force, his promotion was our priority, out first child was born 13 months later , we moved several times to further his career , second child born 22 months after first, we did want four children but lost third and fourth, then after eight years ny husband died. I do wonder how important his promotion through the ranks would have been for me when we had our daughters , I refused to move to the Met, we were considering moving to the West Country but he died. Did consider remarrying a few years later , we had a good friendship, not a deep love, elder daughter didn’t want it, younger daughter did, I decided no. Have never regretted it, the girls and I were a happy family of three .

Having seen many of my school friends get married around 17/18 and then almost immediately have a baby (sometimes they were pregnant when they got married) and being discontented with their lives, (not all I would add) I decided I would never get married. I had my share of boyfriends and a few marriage proposals but turned them all down.

Then I met my DH!! It seems he had also made the decision never to marry so we started seeing each other thinking it wouldn't lead anywhere. Eventually, of course, we realised we wanted to be together and were married for 43 years. Yes, we had our ups and downs, just like any couple, but I think not having any preconceived rose tinted version of marriage in our heads helped it to be successful. I lost him 6 years ago and I still miss him every day.

We were living together before we married so being married was just a continuation of "normal" life. I think we both somehow expected to feel different after the wedding and occasionally would ask each other, "do you feel married?" The answer was always a laugh and a shrug and, 45 years on, I'm still not certain what being married is supposed to feel like. I'll probably know the answer to that at the same time I find out what being a grown up feels like!

I can`t say I had any preconceptions of marriage as very sadly I had so little to base it on.......let alone a happy one..

My own blood parents had disowned me as a 10 week old babe in arms, whilst the couple whom eventually took pity on me and gave me a roof over my head and an up bringing........the lady being a real angel,the gent sadly I would rather not even mention.
Their marriage was far from happy.
So I had little to base my own Marriage upon.

Quite frankly,although we got on well and enjoyed a two year marriage, my first was little more than escapism on my part...... now as I think and look back on it.

Sad state of affairs I know, but that is the real truth.
It sadly ended by his gambling,losing us house and all possessions..... so perhaps had it not been for this we maybe still together.

My second,a good 10 years later was almost spoiled by the both of us in second marrages being ultra wary,and very unsure of each other.
Yet now ...almost 50 great years later.......it could almost be classed as the ideal marriage.Yes we have our differences and opinions,but on the whole we are ultra compatible,great friends,and we truly "rub along" as though we were made one for the other.

I thought it would be great to get away from my mother and do what I wanted. I totally underestimated the financial cost of running a home so had to learn fast. Thankfully I knew how to cook so not in the dilemma some people find themselves in now when they get their first home. I never thought it would be romantic as I wasn't in love with my first husband.

I just sort of thought it was the start of a new but small family situation. My mother always said that you could never really know a person until you were married - she had several friends who found life awful after a short while. She would point out that not all men were like my father or lovely uncles.
I had much more of an idea second time round and we rub along fine particularly when it is just the two of us.

I think most young people sleepwalk into marriage with no concept of what the future might hold. Frankly I am surprised that it works out as well as it does as often as it does!!!