Time Alone

An only child is a lonely child so the saying goes but I've never been lonely on my own and quite happy to do my own thing. I have lived alone for 18 months while my husband worked abroad some years ago and quite enjoyed being able to please myself what I ate, watched on tv and did when not working.

I'm alone most of the time. Because I lived out of the UK for 40 years, I can't seem to find the kinds of friends that would be interested in my 'story' or me with theirs. I have no grandchildren to boast, my sister is in a care home, my daughter in USA. I read, do jigsaw puzzles, one afternoon a week volunteering at the charity shop upstairs all by myself. I've accepted it. I've enquired about companionship and got a positive response but still waiting for 'interview'

To 'Venus' - I know exactly where you're coming from. I lost my husband five years ago, and still find it unbearable.

Strangely JeannieJoo someone was talking about a neighbour, new to the area who had 'settled in well' this week. She'd joined several (free) craft groups, church lunch club, something at local library, an evening class even though she was over 80. I've only just retired, I was impressed.

I am glad Maw Brown made the distinction.

I LOVE being alone and I don't get lonely. Being lonely must be awful but I am not sure I'd ever get lonely.

I can amuse myself in many ways, books, TV, papers, pottering, thinking, being online. I confess that I waste many, many hours this way without contact, and that's the way I like it. I do know many people who hate being alone and find it very difficult and they crave company. Horses for courses. We are all different.

I am not sure if I am alone in this but people say I am gregarious, good company, lively, friendly, chatty and I am - but in truth I find being all those things such a strain, and will leave at the first polite opportunity. I do sociable in small and lovely doses (I do like people) and after a while need to scuttle back to being alone. I now share a house with OH but we both have our own TV rooms/studies. I wouldn't have been able to cohabit without space. I don't have to fill my time with meaningful pursuits/jobs either.

I do hope you enjoy your long weekend NanKate.

Probably a dvd or an old film on tele. Had a clutter free day yesterday and feel really glad I did that xxx

I'm with you on this Day6 and really need and love time to myself. I can spend many a happy hour or three reading, thinking and exploring ideas. I'm happy to spend time with friends, and do have a mother who requires a bit of input, (not living with me). OH and I spend much time together and I have GCs and quite a few outside interests but can't wait to have down time alone. I do not feel the need to fill my time with meaningful pastimes, after a working life in a demanding job.

I love getting the house to myself,I put my favourite music on turn the volume up high and dance my way round the housework.I cant do housework when my OH is in ,he always has stuff he wants/needs to discuss.We run a business together.I watch GC a lot too so its usually noisy and busy here .I love that too,wouldn't be without them but it is lovely to get the house to myself now and again

I like the odd night or two on my own when my husband is away, much longer and it is a bit lonely, especially in the winter. I catch up on odd jobs, read and just generally potter around but he thing I really enjoy is being in charge of the TV remote. what is it about men and remotes?

Today I am longing for a bit peace and quiet.
I'm in a grumpy on edge mood
Just silence and the chance to be still for a little while I know would help.
But it will unfortunately not be today.

I believe there is a difference between being alone and lonely.

Nankate enjoy your 'please yourself time'
You and your family will enjoy swapping stories about the weekend when you catch up.
The weather looks promising

I am happy with my own company and am rarely bored when I am alone. But as others have said there is a difference between being alone and being lonely. I live with DH and have two of my children in the same city so am lucky in that respect. I do think we have to really make the effort to keep up social links as we get older since we probably don’t have the interaction through work or with other parents at school.

DH is away a lot at present for one reason or another and I love being on my own. Any mess is my mess and I can do what I like, when I like and how I like without bothering with anyone else. Perhaps being an only child helps. I've always enjoyed my own company though I admit it takes me a day to get used to be on my own initially. My family is nearby should I need them and I go out to lunch with friends so I don't feel lonely - it's just that it's totally on my terms! Perhaps I'm being selfish - but I'm being 'me'

I can’t ever remember feeling lonely in all my 63 years, though I have spent a reasonable amount of time alone. DH is still here though - what I will feel like if he goes first I just don’t know ...

I had five years effectively alone for twelve hours a day between my retiring and my OH being made redundant last November. It was sheer bliss and, though we have hammered out a way of being together all day, it is also stressful and I discovered on a recent doctor’s visit that my blood pressure has gone up.

The luxury of being alone was the freedom, the absence of having to please or amuse another, having the house to myself and the time to read or listen to the radio while working. Changing plans on a whim or not having to worry when schedules went awry were also stress free aspects of a solitary life.

I was upset that, when I was at home and my OH was working everything I did was for the family but when he stayed home he thought I would carry on cleaning, cooking, ironing and maintaining the house to facilitate him indulging his own whims. He even thought I would be doing this at weekends which we had always spent together. He would go out and ‘play’ and I would be at home doing the chores.

I am getting a day to myself next week whilethe OH is volunteering on a steam railway and I am looking forward to this luxurious solitude. I will not be doing any household chores.

Thank you so much folks for your interesting and at times poignant feedback on my impending few days alone.

I will make the very best of the solitude, be grateful that it is temporary and just do my own thing. I am now feeling much more upbeat about my freedom.

I hope you too enjoy your May Bank Holiday weekend whatever you are doing. ? ??

I am usually quite comfortable with my own company - alone, but not lonely. Now that we are both retired being on my own is a rarity, but I am also so thankful that we still have each other. When I do get time alone I like to read, sew, make something, gardening, walking and listen to music. Very rarely will I sit and watch TV, it seems rather wasteful.

Being in isolation because of family moving away or dying and health problems and with no one coming home in a day or a week or a month plus not having a car = lonliness . I couldn't live with anyone after living alone for over 20 years I am certaintly use to my own company

My DH worked away a lot and spent 5 years on an unaccompanied posting, so I got used to being on my own and occupying myself more so when the DC had left home. When he came back I found it difficult to adjust to him being around even though he was still working, but gradually got used to it. Then he retired and more getting used to him being there 24/7 has, to be polite, been b*** difficult. At the moment I'm treading on eggshells because he gets uptight about the smallest thing and I'm much more laid back! Hopefully things will improve.....but how I miss those days of only having me to think about.

H will be in London all day Saturday to see Army v Navy ? at Twickenham. I will get up late, potter around with household stuff then spend the afternoon with a jigsaw and eat what I want when I want for dinner. Bliss !
I would be happy for H to be away for a night or two. I maybe bored at some point but not lonely. That's different.

Hello and it sounds like you do have plenty to do but may feel a bit lonely, which is understandable. My husband works long hours and I’m alone for a lot of that but only sometimes lonely. If the weathers good, I like to go for a walk somewhere not too busy, but not too isolated...maybe a seafront. Visiting a museum can be good as well and passes a day. If I need to be at home, sometimes I mbark in some decorating or catch up on tv or films on my I pad. And I have long lie ins with food in bed, which I love!? Have a nice weekend. There’ll be other times when you can see the family and I’m sure your friend will appreciate what you’re doing!

I'm quite keen on my own company and probably wouldn't cope too well if I was surrounded by people all the time. However, I feel sorry for those of you who feel lonely if family and friends are far away with little contact. Getting the balance right must be difficult.

Some very interesting posts here, as an only child I learned to do so many things on my own and was never lonely. I have a very good partner but we both like time on our own as he too was an only child. I love solitude but as others have said this is different from being lonely. I can easily fill my time with reading, crafts and generally pootling around the house, it’s lovely just to have time to draw breath and not have to worry about running about catching up with things.

I too will be alone this Bank Holiday weekend, DH off to Spain for 4 days of golf, and I am really looking forward to it! Like others I will sort out wardrobes, eat when I like, do a spot of gardening and go for some cycle rides, weather permitting. Lots of sewing jobs building up as well, for some reason I find it hard to concentrate on things like that when someone else is around. Have also just booked a ticket for a matinee at a show I know DH would not want to see. Will also enjoy having the bed to myself, when he is away I always find I read in bed far too late as there is no pressure to turn out the light. I could arrange to see friends or family but prefer to relish time alone - but I will miss DH and cook him a nice meal when he comes back on Monday night!

Like some other posters I ve lived alone over twenty years and I can never say I ve not been lonely in my life (no siblings or cousin ) because I have, but you deal with it and you get on with it, you can not rely on others for your entertainment you have to make it and make your friendships and sometimes be the instigator
The only downside is you get so blooming used to being alone that you find it hard when someone does come to stay well I do anyway and you talk to yourself, well again I do
But you are only talking about a weekend, not a lifetime enjoy your space.

I love time alone. But I also love family time. At least I have the choice at the moment. I’m sad for those who have no choice and find themselves lonely.

Enjoy your alone time NanKate