I now know this is a funny question

Poor you KatyK !
I use Essential oils as my 'go to' for most things. They take longer than the modern pharmaceuticals which have been derived from them but they are gentler and very effective. I would use a couple of drops of PURE tea tree oil and lavender oil mixed with equal amounts of a good quality carrier oil such as almond oil or olive oil. Massage in at least twice a day and also when the rash cries out for it!
Whilst I say they take longer you have clearly been suffering this for a very long time and I am appalled at what your GP said on your last visit!

It is important to use the apparently more expensive pure oils. If there is an expiry date it generally means there is additional ingredients and to be compliant they only need to put in 5% of the named oil. That makes it more expensive than the 100% pure oil!

Oh I have many of the above! No warts (yet). Any rashes out there? I have had a horrendous itchy rash on my leg and arm for about 6 months. Really big and nasty. I've been to GP (different ones) 5 times, had antibiotics, creams, potions lotions, blood tests. All to no avail. The last thing my GP said was 'I think we'll leave it then' Summer is coming and I'm going to have to cover up. Any remedies anyone?

I have had warts once or twice and tried the quite nasty stuff you can buy over the counter to put on them, but to no avail. They seemed to go, but came back. Then my GP told me that several patients had said that a homeopathic remedy had got rid of warts for them, so I went to a homeopathic pharmacy and got the drops. I put them on daily for several weeks and the warts disappeared never to return - no pain, no trouble, easy! The drops are called Thuja Occidentalis - but having just checked on line, there are other homeopathic remedies for different kinds of warts. You can buy homeopathic remedies on line. It worked brilliantly for me and I hope and believe it will for others.

I had a weird small black growth just above upper eyelashes. Doc said it was non-dangerous sun damage - not surprising after living in middle eastern deserts for 13 years, and in the early years we could often not buy basics let alone sun cream.
People would sometimes tell me I had smudged my mascara - it did look a bit like that. But they would sometimes persist, even after I'd told them I hadn't - so annoying.
However, pleased to say that recently it just fell off!

maw how did you get the ticks? Clever

Situpstraight ✔️✔️✔️

It’s called Frank’s sign apparently synonymous
But the jury is out as to whether it’s an indication of cardiovascular disease.
“Some studies have described Frank's sign as a marker of cardiovascular disease but not linked to the severity of the condition.[4] In contrast, other studies have rebutted any association between Frank's sign and coronary artery disease in diabetics.[5] ”

I hope that reassures everyone

PS, sorry if someone has already said that, to be honest I haven’t read the other posts as they are all pretty disgusting.

Growing old isn’t for Sissies.

Getting old is high maintenance!

Urmstongran I read that ear lobe creases denote possibility of a heart condition. As we age I reckon that is a fairly safe supposition so I don't suppose there is much in that.

Thanks Wot will give it a try

I like your use of tea tree oil! Do you use it neat for everything? I have some languishing in a cupboard!

The worst thing for me is being unable to find comfortable shoes after an unsuccessful bunion op. And an extra spare tyre.

Ear lobe creases. ?

I'm glad everyone's enjoying this thread. There are upsides to getting old and it's good to have a giggle

Too much information

Barmybat, try Aveeno . If you use it night and morning you will be amazed at the improvement in your skin. Mine was so bad, my brother used to call me a rhinoserous or however it's spelled. Or sometimes a crocodile.

I worked with a woman who had a thread tied round a skin tag on her neck and every day I had to watch it drying up and falling off. It was disgusting but I couldn't help but follow its progress!

Dry skin, doesn’t matter what I do my skin dries out at a blink of an eye. My skinny arms, they just appeared overnight and my big toe nail has become thick. Getting old is hard work. On the plus side I must boast that today I went for a check up with surgeon who replaced my knee and he said it was above average in how it had healed and the movement I had. He was over the moon and I felt that all my hard work had paid off.

There's an ad at the bottom of this thread about bunions!!

Sparkly

I have really enjoyed this thread and had a jolly good laugh! We only laugh because it is all so recognisable.

Interesting that warts can be senile.

NanaEm I was just remembering how my DMIL would tightly tie a fine thread round the base of skin tags until they fell off. D.C. were much in awe as she had them mostly round her eyes and it looked most peculiar. I had two concerns regarding this, the first being how ever did she manage to tie the thread on in the first place and then just how distracting to have threads waving around every time she moved or blinked.

Some great tips, here's another one for skin tags that always works for me. Tie and knot a clean piece of thread firmly around the base of the tag and leave it. After about 3 or 4 days the tag just dries up and drops off.