Adults childrens birthdays

Gosh, I’m impressed with the effort people make. We send cards to each other but mostly everyone is at work on their birthday!

We are off on Friday to a DD as it's her birthday and we have offered to babysit whilst she and her DH have a day out. We have babysat for weekends in the past. We love it.
We have travelled distances and celebrated birthdays with all of them. We have always been invited and included so far.
But we are very generous and have money. That will probably help in the future with GC visiting. I am sure they love us but we are well off and always pay for meals and give generous gifts.

I think most younger adults would consider that their own birthday is theirs to celebrate as they see fit. My DH is turning 50 this year, and we are choosing to celebrate with his parents (taking a holiday to go and visit them), but that was our choice to make. We get on well with them.

On the other hand, if your children of any age forget YOUR birthday, you can justifiably feel upset. We always send MIL a nice present, and I get DS (5) to make a card and a present himself (her absolute favourite - handmade by grandchild), and he telephones her on the day, as does DH.

From the point of view of the adult child, though, it is equally unforgivable for a mother to forget the child's birthday. One big mistake some grandparents make is to make it look as though the grandkids are more important to them than their own children are. Your own children should come first - grandchildren should be the icing on the cake, a lovely bonus, but they should not take the place of your own son or daughter.

We go out for a meal or have a takeaway at ours, with any of ours to be honest it’s to make sure none are alone!
Most likely we pay, that is for an6 of the birthdays ours or theirs.

Parties are for children. I dislike them and try hard not to attend any. IF my children invited me to a birthday party I would go of course ,..because they e asked me. But they usually know better.I have attended grandchildren’s parties in the past...to take over their pressies and catds and mostly because they would’ve been upset if I hadn’t gone. I always try to pop in on their birthdays’ and this April went to cinema with grandson cos he wanted that instead of jellies and ice cream (he was 11).My six year old granddaughter will have my undivided attention until SHE doesn’t really want me there in her big day. Parties are quite stressful and I really don’t ‘do’ them if I can help it.

None of mine make a big deal of birthdays, theirs or mine. My daughter ignores hers and the boys might go for a meal with their families/ partner. I suppose I get more upset that they don’t bother with mine even special ones because they all know I don’t get on with their dad and hate spending the day on our own

My sons’ birthdays seem to have become three day events. One for our family, one for their friends, and one for work colleagues.

You mention that you didn't invite your own parents to your 21st, despite living with them. So I guess it isn't really a tradition in your family to include the parents in any birthday celebrations. You reap what you sow , to my mind.

Sulis, I send you my sympathy and feel very sad for you. Please think of yourself and your own needs for a change.

Franbern, I would never expect to be included in my children's birthday celebrations now that they are adults.

We always have a family meal (take away at mine, as I 've got the most space or we go to the Toby Carvery) for every birthday celebration but if my adult daughters go out for a drink it's with their friends and I babysit. I see nothing wrong with that, I don't invite my family when I see my friends. If children are bought up to recognise that birthdays, Christmas etc. are important enjoyable family occasions then they will want to continue doing it. When there are family splits, thoughtlessness has become the norm. I'm always expected to help out at grandchildren's parties; the other nan lives further away so comes sometimes if she can. I'm lucky I live near all my family but even if I didn't I feel I would be asked to go and stay with them at these special occasions.

Sulis please start putting yourself first and don’t let yourself get treated in that way. Where’s the respect, not to mention gratitude!

I would not expect to do more than send a card and present for my kids’ birthdays but this year am having the children of one of them for the night so my son-in-law can surprise my DD with a weekend away. Occasionally a birthday will result in a big family meal at a restaurant which is lovely but far from expected. I don’t mind at all though we are a close family. I wouldn’t have wanted my parents at my birthday
celebration.

I think I'm built the wrong way around! I really don't enjoy the thought of birthday celebrations, which imo seem quite over the top these days, but I know I am so fortunate have a lovely family who always visit on my birthday, or we go out. Tbh I'd be happy with a card from each of them and sit and read a book all day with a bit of cake! Usually we get together for their birthdays too and, even if they do go out with friends instead, we always celebrate near the time as well, though again I'd be happy with my own thoughts of their actual birth day. Maybe it's because we tried to make their birthdays special when they were young so they do feel it's an occasion, whereas birthdays weren't a big thing in my family. I didn't feel hard done by though as it was the same for all my friends then. I do understand that's it's important to many people so I'm very sorry you feel left out. Fortunate though to have a welcoming dd and dgd.

Sulis....i agree with nitpick and I would sell up find a nice residential home with friends I could make or better still in your will leave everything in trust to your granddaughter and leave your son a letter in your will telling him why!

Forty year olds don't really need elderly parents for birthday celebrations. They celebrate with their own friends and families. You realised that hen you didn't invite your parents to your 21 at birthday. You were officially grown up.

I always give my adult children a birthday gift even though I'm not well off. I also have 7 grandchildren so it can be expensive but I only give each grandma d child a little thing. When money is tight I focus on my own children as the grandchildren have their own parents to give to them.

I never expect to be included in anything but always always hope. I get lucky every now and again. I did once blot my copybook by nor attending a family holiday that was arranged. Hasn't been suggested since so I guess one hit and I'm out.

We usually have a family meal and then daughter and sil do something with their friends. Sometimes our children don't like us to see how they behave when we're not there!!

We always spend all the birthdays together,AD their partners and GC 's birthdays .It was my sons birthday at the weekend and his sister was too ill to drive but she was desperate to be part of it so my OH collected her and her son,the 2 girls were already with us for the weekend and her husband joined us when he finished work .I know I'm lucky we are all so close .

I think times have changed. Birthdays used to be a family affair. But I think nowadays our adult children tend to spend their birthdays out for meals with friends or quietly by themselves. I think perhaps, especially if they work and have children themselves, they don't have the time or energy to plan a family party. Please don't take it to heart, especially if overall you have good relationships with your children.

Franbernn, It is my second granddaughter’s 28th birthday today. Not only have we not been included in any celebrations of her birthday we haven’t been included in any of her birthdays since she was 17 or in her forthcoming wedding in July. Her father, our son, who always did his best for her and her sister despite some very hard times, hasn’t been included or been asked to give her away. Same story with her sister , 30 in May, marrried two years ago and had her first child last year. I would welcome being able to pay these beautiful girls a visit, hold our first great-grandchild and sit in the garden with them like you did but I know it will never happen. Count your blessings and enjoy your time with your family.

I can quite honestly remember feeling it a burden that my mother always wanted to see me on my birthday years after I had moved away from home. The trouble was she prevented my being with my own friends and as a young adult that was annoying.

Later on of course, I can see her side of it.

have you tried mentioning that you would like to be part of your children's birthdays?

To my mind none of you are unreasonable if you feel left out or hurt.

We always see the two daughters who are in this country on or near their birthdays and make a special meal, give presents, and invite the other one. So what with partners and grandchildren it makes quite a group. I think it's a bit insensitive of your children not to remember the essential part you played in their birthdays! (btw, I would never drop in unannounced on an adult child - I hate it when people do it to me).

Sulis, please do whatever is best for you and don’t worry about your son. As Nitpick says, he is at ungrateful, and frankly I think I could quite easily find some even more unflattering words to describe him. One that comes to mind is selfish.

Oh my goodness, Sulis, I don’t think you’re being unreasonable at all! I don’t suppose it’ll make any difference if I say, “please think
of yourself for a change”, but I honestly think you should. If being in care would help your quality of life I think you should consider it carefully. Your son may not like it but as you’re not included in his life anyway, would it make much difference? I hope these cheer you up a little bit.

It's easy to feel left out when grown-up children live far away, and all sorts of happy things are going on in their lives. My far-flung family has a thread set up in FB messenger, so that we can take quick photos on our phones and share them. Indeed, although I was mouldering away quietly at home for New Year, the messages were pinging in from several far-flung corners of the globe, and it felt like we were all at a family party.